party | Autism PDD

We have a party coming up on Sunday that I just don't know how I feel about. I mean the party was my idea as its a 30th birthday party for my husband. But well it is all of my husbands family thats coming and that can be hard for us. Although my family isn't great they have really accepted that Matthew is different and has a whole different set of limitations. Well except my my dad always says "see I told you he was fine" everytime I tell them of something else that Matthew has accomplished. Or my mom will ask when the dr's expect Matthew to get better and I have to explain to her yet again that he will ALWAYS be autistic. Buy hey thats a whole different topic for the message board

Normally we don't do big family things on mine or my husbands birthdays, we just do a quiet dinner (yeah right quiet

Ruth

I think we have the same parents!

I have no words of advise but I am going read the replys that you get. It's so hard for anyone to understand what it is like unless you live it as a parent.

Good luck!

I sometimes think about when I used to see kids tantrumming in the supermarket and I in my wisdom of not having kids yet would think "Why doesn't that mum do something?" Unfortunately people who haven't been there just don't get it. My mum used to tell me if I let my son play more by himself in the backyard he would get better. Wow a great new Autism treatment, LOL.

I have found over the past 11 years (after Autism diagnosis) that it gets easier to ignore stupid comments. And I have found that if I thank people when they say the right things, like "Thank you, I feel really supported when you say that." that eventually they get the message without you having to fight with them.

I don't think we would wish our difficulties on anyone, so when they say such stupid stuff just think to yourself, well I'm glad they really don't understand what it is like. I know that is tought to do but it does get easier. And know that we do understand and support you fully.

Hi Ruth...first "Happy Birthday" to your husband!

Now, I don't know how much I have to offer here, but I do want to applaud you for doing something for yourselves, and for your husband, even though it's making you a little uncomfortable. We tend to isolate ourselves, and those gatherings can be really rough sometimes. Holly is right, it's hard for people to understand if they don't live it.

Are you having it at your house? Our last gathering, made Riley's issues more evident...there were more people than normal, so he either stayed by himself in a back room, or wouldn't talk to any one, or if and when he was "in the crowd" he walked around with his hands over his ears...well some nay-sayers noticed, I don't bother pointing out anything anymore, and they would asked if Riley was "uncomfortable"....I try (as much as one can) not to treat him any differently than anyone else, or talk excessively about his issues anymore, those that care know the right questions to ask. Everyone else can just guess as far as I'm concerned.

You just keep doing your job to make him comfortable in the crowd, politely say thanks if someone comments on an accomplishment, but don't offer up any info to those that will just turn it against you or your parenting skills. You must always remember that these parents here on this board INCLUDING YOU I personally consider to be "super-parents" because a lot of times it's like having several children in one...and if you keep reminding yourself that you're doing the best job for your son, that's all that really matters. You know who is not supportive, just politely avoid them if you have to.

Have yourself a Margarita or two...enjoy yourself...it IS a big day for your husband, you should enjoy it with him. None of us should put our lives on hold anymore just because of this obstacle...if others can't handle it, they know where the door is. Enjoy the day! And remember, they aren't the ones living with it, so they just don't understand....maybe their not mean...they are just ignorant, until they take the time to learn a little about it, they're going to have their "opinions".

Don't stress out yet...it may turn out to be a wonderful time! Plus, if you EXPECT that everyone will be hard on you, or negate what you already know for fact...there will be no let-down and someone may surprise you!

Have a GREAT day...can't wait to hear how it goes!
~Lesley

PS Ruth....been meaning to tell you, I love your tagline too about having something to say...beautifully put! :)

I'm with the above!! Think of them as the people who need the behavioral intervention. As Cherylann pointed out, reinforced the good behavior and punish the bad. Use your voice, body language, eye contact, etc. Good comments get the good stuff, bad comments get no or little acknowledgemnt. You know how to read the audience and you know how to handle tough situations.

I don't know if this would make a difference but when Paul was little I learned to have a babysitter to deal with him at get togethers like that. It just made me so uptight to worry about what he was doing and what they were thinking and what they were saying....Yikes. It's much easier now. I have no life so I have no get togethers! Just kidding, kind of. I don't have big social obligations because I'm divorced now. But I have a party everynight at the Forum!!

Good luck.

pat

That's about the extent of my partying too, right here!

Wish we could all get together, kids and all!

I can so relate to the ignorant comments, especially from the grandparents! I look forward to being able to ignore them

Ruth,

Happy 30th Birthday to your hubby. I'm sure you both deserve to do some partying.

I was thinking next time your mom ask "when the dr's think Matthew will get better," thank her for being so optimistic (spelling

) in keeping the belief that they will solve the puzzle known as Autism and when people ask "do you really think Matthew is autistic" then smile

and say "Yep" and keep walking or as I say to people either he is autistic or he will win an Academy Award for his performance as an autistic child all these years. If too many people start conversations about Matthew's autism just remind them that Sunday is about your hubby, it's his day to be the special one in the family. I hope my comments don't
offend, just trying to put a humorous spin on what people say.

Enjoy the party.

Lesley, WOW! All I can say is AWESOME! WELL SAID!!!!

Family for us is me and my children... I had to drop the negativity like a bad habit! I applaud you Ruth for having a get together! Happy Birthday to your husband. And I will keep my fingers crossed all goes well and that Matthew has a wonderful time! Prepare him ahead of time is at all possible tell him what to expect and allow him a quiet place to himself as he needs it - even show him where he can go to "escape". Good Luck and ENJOY!

Currentlly, I am really debating in my head how to plan for Benjamin's 7th birthday. he wants a bunch of people to come over and bring him presents. i want to teach him that we have people over because we want to celebrate each other. Also, he doesn't do as well with too many people at the house. I am so torn about what to do. I watn hin to have a happy day. I just don't kknow what to do. I don't want to over-stimulate him or subject him to ay sensory pain. I'm thinking about taking a sheetcake to church for the coffee break and let everyone simply wish Ben a happy day. I just dont know. Janet
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