Tired of the rollercoaster | Autism PDD

I don't really know why I am writing this, except to get it off my chest I guess to people who can understand. My ds was diagnosed with autism and mood swings, and the mood swings I think are the main cause of my stress at this point.

I am so tired of the rollercoaster ds and I am on. I feel like my entire day, mood, productivity depends on my son. If he is having a good day, things are great. I feel like my old self.

On destructive days, I am worn thin (like today). Trying to run behind to keep up with the house. It isn't the normal messes, but I am sure you all can relate so I don't need to go to much into dept. If it was jusy toys and such I could deal with it just fine. It is the way he tears through the house, turning every room upside down. I have other important things I need to do, bills to pay, appointments to make, etc... But I am so worn out from picking up after him, that I don't have the energy.

On the BAD days, the screaming-meltdown-every-5-minutes-over-nothing days, I just want to run away! The headache, stress, and tentsion in the house could be cut with a knife. Even the cat runs and hides away on these days.

Then back to a good day. Ahhhh I get the house cleaned, I start to feel like I am finally catching up on all the things that have been let go so I can tend to my son. Then the cycle starts again.

I don't know how I can continue to live like this. One day I am feeling great, like super mom, and the next I feel like the frazzled mom who just can't get it together and hides in the house all day. The frazzled mom, just kills my self esteem.

I will admit, I have control freak tendencies. Not full blown, but they are there. If I can't control my days, my household, and have everything together, have a little consistency, it kills my self esteem faster than anything I can imagine. I just don't like this constant rollarcoaster.

To make it worse, my husband is coming and going from deployments so much, it makes it so hard to have a feeling of stability in my life. Then the constant moving, trying to arrange to see out of state family and friends, and Daniel's mood swings... I am worn thin. Why is that such a hard thing to acheive, to have some stability in my life from atleast one area.

Okay I think my vent is over. Thanks for reading it if you made it this far. My energy is a bit zapped at the moment, so I hope i wasn't too all over the place in my post.

I think we all feel that way sometimes. Sometimes I'm like, why do I even clean when he's just going to mess it up again. My son gets out tons of books and sets them on the floor in the livingroom, the couch, the coffee table. He gets blankets out of his room and toys are everywhere. I try to keep on top of him and have him put things back but I am not consistant like I should be. :hugs: I just try and look forward to the next fun thing that is coming up. Not that I get to do many fun things, but even holidays give me something to look forward too. Sometimes I think of crafts or fun things to make the holidays more fun. We bake a cake for whatever holiday it is, decorate a lot, have dinner with sparkling cider by candlight, and things like that. I hope today is a good day for all of us today!

I could have written this. I feel the same way.

You explained this so well, I think I may have my husband read it so he can understand me a little better.

The bad days, I only know too well what you mean. My poor DH, he gets the brunt of my frustration. I cant take it out my my DD so it all rolls down on him.

I can say though, that when my dd was three it was A LOT worse than it is now. She is five. It does get easier.

I usually take the kids out of the house when things get bad. Its hard but at least I am not stuck on the couch warching my house fall apart. I live in Az so its too hot to go outside right now, we are always at the mall:) We have a nice play center there and the kids can go wild. Plus I get time walk around and burn some bad energy. Its just as hard getting out but I find its better to be out than trapped in the house.

Oh my gosh, you sound just like me; or should I say just like I used to be, because thankfully, my son outgrew a lot of that as he got older. But believe me, I do understand how you are feeling. ((hug)) How old is your son?

Have you considered a mood stabilizer? A lot of our kids require them to not be on the "roller coaster" bipolar traits go hand in hand w/ ASD as does seizures and ADHD along w/ anxiety. I speak from experience on ALL of those. VENT!!!! It's a wonderful thing!

Believe it or not it will get better-dd used to walk behind me undoing everything I did-now she helps me clean!!!!!! (but still makes messes)

My dd is HFA too

Totally, totally understand!

I bought a VERY small house so that I wouldn't have too much to clean up ... LOL!

I have some OCD tendencies myself, and have a hard time leaving a room with an unmade bed, even though I am a single mother that does not date or socialize outside of work. No one sees our bedrooms!

It has taken a conscious effort for me to not make the boys beds, and not to force myself to clean their rooms before I leave for work. But I do it now ...

I also almost never dust, and when the toys are getting spead out and driving me crazy, I scoop them up and pile them in a corner where I can't see them, and wait for time to actually clean them up ...

I do understand ... sometimes you just have to breathe and not sweat the small stuff. It will get done, eventually. And then get done again, eventually, etc., etc. .....

Did you see my post about the book "The Mommy Myth"? It's really good. It has helped me with my own "control freak" tendencies because I realize WHERE it all stems from. I think you would like it a lot.

"Just wanted to pop in & say that I couldn't sleep last night so i stayed up most of the night reading an amazing book called The Mommy Myth.
http://www.amazon.com/Mommy-Myth-Idealization-Motherhood-Und ermined/dp/0743259998

It made me realize where a lot of this pressure on mothers of children with special needs comes from. The Mom is ALWAYS the one to blame, so we put all this pressure on ourselves to make sure we do everything PERFECTLY. Add to the mix a child with Autism & you get even more pressure! I just wanted to remind all of you moms that you are doing a great job (and Dads too). It is NOT your fault that your child has Autism. It is not your fault if your child isn't talking yet. It is not your fault if you haven't spent every waking moment working on their challenges, cooking special foods, ect ect. Is it important to work as hard as you can? Of course. But I am really going to try to remember that I am only human, I can only accomplish so much in my life, and if my child is not as successful as I had hoped it is not because I failed miserably as a parent. I would really recommend this book to all moms. It really showcases attempts by the media and popular culture to make a mother feel like no matter what they do, it isn't enough. They have to raise kids, keep a house like Martha Stewart, and be expected to wear little black dresses and have their hair & make up perfect like celebrity moms. I think it is a lot of this "stuff" that has contributed to an even more overwhelming experience raising a child with special needs. Anyway I hope you all read the book."
http://www.amazon.com/Mommy-Myth-Idealization-Motherhood-Und ermined/dp/0743259998Hope239343.9479282407

You might hate me for saying this, but on a good day go through each room and lock every cabinet, take things off the tables, put everything away so your little guy cant get it and throw it around the house. Leave a few favorite toys out and rotate them daily, or more often depending on your needs.

Yes, you will hate having all your nice things stored, and maybe feel deprived of your normal life. The sad fact is, our lives are NOT normal, and we sometimes need to just get through the tough times. This will pass, but until then, make life easier on yourself. Its ok to do that, mama deserves a break too!