Do you ever just get sad? | Autism PDD
Your replies make me feel good. At times this stuff with my son feels isolating.
There is a song the kids sing at Sunday school that goes -
I am one voice and I am singing, I am one voice and I am singing, I am not alone.
We are 2 voices and we are singing, we are 2 voices and we are singing, we are not alone.
We are 10 voices....
We are 100 voices...
We are a million voices singing, .... we are not alone.
I don't feel so alone since I have found this board.
Tricia
YES, I have days that I just cry for her becauseI'm afraid she understands the differences she has in comparison to her peers. Since she is almost non-verbal, I'm afraid she's thinking what she wants to say to them at times but she can't get it out.
We held Cammi back in 1st grade this year - her teachers and assistants all thought it would benefit her. I was worried about her getting bored with the material but was MORE worried about the students/friends in her class that she had been with since pre-school (some of them). I was worried about the new group accepting her and helping her like the other students had.
I work in the local school system as Reading Specialist but recently decided to take a leave of absence this school year - in order to get healthy, be able to spend more time at school with my girls, get caught up at home, etc. I've been spending some time at school and that's when I start getting sad for Cammi. When I'm there in the classroom with her and there's time for students to talk to each other, there's no one who tries to talk to her. I know it must be frustrating at times because students who maybe have tried to don't try anymore because she probably didn't speak back to them. There are many other examples.
I'm not trying to make her "normal". I just want the best for her.
Sorry to go on and on.....
Definitely. There is always a bit of sadness after a trip to the park or beach, where ever there are other children. Also, if I focus on the things he can't/won't do, lilttle things like goto the movies or play a game, it get's to me. I do my best to let it go just as quickly. Sometimes I feel like it'd just be easier to hole up at home, where the differences aren't right in my face.
I am having a "sad" spell these days. He started Kindergarten a month ago and although he is doing ok , whenever I see him around his peers it hurts. When he acts different at home I dont see it and In fact embrace it but with NT kids it stands out so much! The other kids obviously dont approach him as much and I find that that isolates me from the parents too..
Oh well I will try to be positive again but some days I just feel I need to be sad..
I go back and forth on this one, a lot.
At home, and with his regular ST, he seems to do really well, overall. I don't mean to say that his issues disappear, but they are what we are used to, kwim? And his therapists and teachers really try to focus on the positives and his strengths. So things don't feel overwhelming too much, too often.
And then, we go somewhere, and you know, he just fades into the background. People will speak to his younger and older brothers, but he appears not to notice or care if other people are there, and I think they respond to that by ignoring him, which can be really painful, too.
People stare at him strangely, and it's not because he's an attractive child...it's like they're thinking, "Such a beautiful child...what a shame he's so odd." One time in particular stands out...at our dr's office, he was very restless and hyper (no tantrums just yet, though they came later), and people just kept staring and staring at him like he was a freak or something.
It's not the fact that he's autistic that makes me sad...it's the way people put their feelings about him on such blatant display. That hurts my heart that people don't seem to notice or care that their opinions are so obvious. Sure, it's great that if they can't say something nice, they don't say anything at all...but sometimes, their actions and expressions just shout out their true feelings. Honestly, folks, we can still see you! I know they can't help that, but man!
Whew...this has been building up for some time now. Sorry, y'all.
We to have had 3 great days. mild stimming and Carter was also almost normal. Well that is what I thought until I went to music class today. My son talks alot however, he is very repetitive with his language, it always sounds scripted unless screaming. However, my son does like to play with my older son and that is what matters to me. The bottom line is that Connor will always be there for him in the long run. Aidan will soon get there with him when he starts running around. I focus on that to get me through the tough times.
My son started Mother's day out a few months ago and it is so painfully obvious how different he is around his peers. It has bothered me for a very long time that I would take him to the park to play with other kids and he would line up acorns or spin leaves on the ground instead.
Now at pre-school his friends know his name and say Hi Lucas when we walk in the room and he looks at them and then runs to line up cars..... it is very frustrating and heartbreaking. It is easier to see what he can do when we are home alone- it is not so obvious how different he is..............
My little one is doing really quite well - he's doing well in school, his teacher is amazing, he tries to talk to the other children...etc.
Then tonight we went to a birthday party for another little boy. Overall he did pretty well but when I listen to him try to talk to the other kids, there is something not right. I can't quite put my finger on it. But his tone isn't always right. I can't tell if it's a monotone or just the wrong tone, I think it may be both. Anyway, he tried so hard to talk to children and they just don't always respond to him. Breaks my heart.
He had a great time though! He waited in line for a whack at the pinata and even got a good blow in! But boy did he look like - what the heck is all this chaos - when the candy finally was flying everywhere.
It was a pirate party and the mom had a costume for each of the kids. Every one of them put it on but T. He just refused. Then suddenly wanted the hat and patch on, which really shocked me. He was so cute pulling the patch on his eye.
He's doing so well. I look at the progress he has made and it is just amazing. So I don't know why I am sad tonight. Just seeing him with the other kids, I could see how he is different and tonight for some reason it hurts.
Tricia
I know how you feel
Thats good your son hit the pinata tho, it took awhile till hayden stopped screaming whenever it was pinata time and actually tried to hit it
I just wanted to say I know how you feel and I always get so sad thinking what hes thinking especially when he cries because the other kids pick up on him being different and dont even want to play with him. Especially when hes actually taking the initiative to join in
Before I was a SAHM I was an early childhood teacher. Well were were at our weekly playgroup this week and I was playing with the kids and trying to get my ds involved in playing with something. (I do this all day long). Even through I know that he is making progress I was said because I was getting to interact with kids that are his age and just wanting him to be able to do the things that they were doing. It hurts.
It sounds like he is doing really well and that you are doing a great job with him. I bet he looked cute with that patch on.
I do !!! Your son sound slike he is doing awesome though
But I really steel myself - I usually will prepare myself before I meet NT kids and remind myself of all the wonderful things that R does and his genral sweetness
I do too. The boys around here are always doing something- a sport, finding frogs. My son occasionally joins in a football game, but even that is in his own way. It is sad that he could have so many friends, but one day he will have people close to him that matter most. I try to think about that.
Sometimes I wish I could just open the door, kiss him on the head, and let him loose! Maybe someday.....but if not, he'll always be my baby.I completely understand. When I am alone with my 4 year old it's easier to notice all the things he can do. It gets harder when you put him next to his peers and see how delayed he really is. I just try and keep a positive attitude and believe that he'll get there in his own time.Everytime a child approaches Sarah she runs away and I get sad:( ...and a little embarrassed too for the child. I just cant make her play with kids at all but I encourage like crazy still:) She has moments of peer play that make me forget..and then the running away on other occasions...I am hopeful the running away will get less and less. The language is different with her too but they dont seem to notice it as I do..she is only 7 and I know she will iron out the kinks as she gets older..I am constantly reminding her so she has no choice..poor thing:PYes, I still get sad.I totally know how you feel. My dd has made amazing progress too, but it's always hard to see her with her NT peers. I sat with her last week in Sunday School, they were drawing. My dd made scribbles on the page with the crayon while this other girl drew a picture of Moses in a basket on the river! Then they had to lace open weave baskets with a shoe string and the little girl did the whole thing all by herself, while I had to keep prompting my dd by saying "please help me weave, the string goes in here, and it comes out where?". It was hard and I felt pretty bad. But I have to keep reminding myself...at least she's talking to me now. Before she was mostly screaming. She can dress herself. I can take her out in public. She'll come up to me for a kiss. Then I try to focus only on her and not what her peers are doing, and I know she'll go far. But, sometimes it is still really painful for me.
I understand what you mean, too. Glad your son had fun at the party.I was at my Nt dd' preschool and watched her. And it suddenly occured to
me how different it feels watching your kid without worry. Even if another
kid does something she does not like I don't worry because she can
handle it appropriatly. It made me feel said because I don't remember
when the last time was that I watched my ds in a group without feeling
hypervigilant and worried for him.Yes.
It is especially hard with the start of school. My girls are attending NT preschool - and when I drop them off, there are tons of four year olds (Bug's age mates) running around, playing, walking with their Moms, you know... Typical...
Plus, that very first day, when I picked my girls up, and they were all, "We sat on a rug! We played with babies! I played with a horse like the one at Grandmas!" and I realized all that I'd been missing with Bug's first preschool experience last year... (It is so hard when it is your first child with the developmental delays - because you really don't KNOW, KWIM?).
(((((Hugs)))))
Crying tears today, for no good reason ;)
I have just been feeling the same way. My son is doing so well in preschool and I get all excited. Then I see him around other kids and I see how far he still has to go. I've just had to tell myself that he isn't typical and that whatever he does is a huge step. He's not going to be like everyone else and I just have to accept him for who he is. I'm so in love with this boy, I've been missing him like crazy while he's in school. Even though I need the break, it's hard. I called his school last friday to stop myself from getting him out early. I guess we'll all have our good and bad days. I'm not looking forward to the time when he is in a typical school. I know that will be really hard on me. :hugs:I still get sad at least twice a month and I worry every day.
When my boys are home- I think-wow they are doing great, then we go out into public and then I think, well maybe not as great as I thought.
They do great for themselves & for me but not for society.
It's especially hard for me to see typical kids interacting with each other-
I want my boys to have those experiences- but they may never want them?! On some level maybe I'm being selfish- but it's still hurtful.
Talking about tones. my son talks very bossy sometimes to other kids . Like with authority? Its funny to hearbut sometimes the kid wont take it in a good way,esp. if they are NT you know..... im trying to make him change also his face expressiosn when h e talks like that. I have no clue what to do.
For example.
I say: Don't do that, stay still etc...
He says it to other ppl or even to me and daddy in the same tone i said it to him.
Now he says it like that to his friends in school also. Liek if he is Mr. Daddy, but dont follow his own rules. Sometimes i laughcause its funny him talking all adult but with other kids, i dont know how to stop him talking like that. But osmetimes when we see our kids doing great at school but outside they are different and we think they are not so great,just think in how much they have overcome since they were dx. My son couldnt have conversations or put words together, now he talks non stop about everything surrounding him!
Evie I completley know how you feel. I am there with you.Copyright Autism-PDD.net