I dont think I would think much of it, kids now days have no fashion hang ups, which I think is great and if it works for him then keep on letting him dress the way that is comfortable to him. As long as it is acceptable for the schools dress code. He has Halloween everyday, I love Halloween!!!!
Kim
I'm with you on this one, Loki. It does not matter that the principal says it is okay--it ignores the bigger principle that you are trying to have your son recognize when it is appropriate to do certain things and not others. This is not a child dressing like a rebel or making a fashion statement--this is a child with ASD who does not realize what other people are thinking when he walks around in a woman's robe. As a parent, I would not want my son doing this--not because there is anything wrong with it--but because it is an indication of a lack of understanding of the social context of the act. If it were an NT kid doing it and the kid said, "but Mom, I don't care what other people think" or something to that effect--then I would blow it off (there are much worse ways for a child to rebel)--but this is really not about that. The NT kid who dresses like a rebel is prepared for the reactions that he/she will get--the ASD kid who dresses oddly will have no clue--and there is no reason to subject a child with ASD to the stares or ridicule that comes with dressing in a woman's robe (children can be cruel). So the principal was not really thinking when allowing this and I think I would bring it up to the principal that it is not okay with you. Sometimes I think schools accommodate and tolerate our children and their quirks at the expense of teaching them. Just my opinion...This is a tough one. I think
it really depends on what the robe looks like on your son and how the other
students are responding to him. If he looks like one of the Harry Potter kids,
well, that could be cool. But if he looks like he is dressing like a woman, that
is inappropriate. I think he will eventually get picked on for it, and you want
to help him avoid that. One issue to consider is if the principle would let any
child wear the same garment. If it is a “special exception” because your son is
autistic, I think that is a bigger problem. He could get singled out as getting
“special privileges” or being teachers pet, etc. and that can bring a whole new
set of problems. If he were my son (btw, my son is 13 and in his first year of
MS also), if the customs are not creating a problem with his peers or with the
school, and if it is not a “special privilege”, but is behavior that would be
allowed from any child, I may let it go for now. You’ve got to pick your
battles. I would stress with my son that the HS principle does not allow costumes
and start weaning him off them in the school setting. He will need to learn
that different dress is appropriate for different occasions. Perhaps you can
let him wear customs whenever he wants while he is a home. My son had a dragon
costume that he wore at home till it came up to his knees and gave him a wedgy.
I final moved it to the basement.
Another thing to think about
is if the costumes are filling some need for him – some how giving him comfort.
If so, you may need to start trying to think of ways to replace them
emotionally. If it’s the feel of silk he likes, maybe see if he likes wearing
silk boxer shorts (as long as he won’t get teased for that), or a silk handkerchief
in his pocket that he can reach in a feel.
I think that your son needs to be clued in on the consequences of choosing to be different than the norm. This is the essential social lesson he will have to learn if he does not want to be ostracized. And learning this lesson will have an even more positive impact on his eventual employment situation than any Ivy League degree could have. Higher functioning autistic kids rarely fail in life because of academic deficits. They fail due to behaviors like your son's. Since he is clearly quite verbal, the use of Social Stories can probably help him understand the consequences of out-of-the-norm behavior. Carol Gray invented Social Stories and has books on the subject as well as a website, I believe.
ALso, personnel in schools need to be trained in how to manage autism. I would call an IEP meeting and ask that "indirect services" of an autism consultant be added to your son's IEP so that the Principal and all your son's teachers can receive training in autism. I'm sure the Principal thought he was being open-minded about autism, but really he was teaching your son the wrong lesson. I know you are concerned that your son's odd behavior might ostracize him, but in Middle School, this behavior can actually become dangerous. More than one ASD kid has ended up with his head in the Boy's Room toilet due to his odd behavior. MS can be rough.
I can definitely sympathize with you on this one. My son likes to flip the liner in his baseball cap down over his eyes and "spy" through it. He looks like a complete dork.
I try and tell him this, but he gets so mad because people shouldn't judge on the basis of appearance... Just like when he gets mad about homework because he feels "school is school and home is home". All I can do is say that's not how the real world works.
Good luck finding a solution to this one.
Daniel still loves dressing up at age 11. Last year they did this with eating foods with the countries they learned about. They also made that countries flag with colored paper. Se all day!