This isn't about our special children..this question is for you..the parent.
Have any of you felt like you've had to change who you are or who you want to be because you are a parent?? Autism or other issues aside.. Just speaking as being a parent. I've noticed lately that I've been wanting to go back to things I've put behind me when I became a mom. I think I worried about how people would view me as a mother or if people would judge me so I turned myself into this plain person to fit in or merge with the others in the flock so I didn't stick out like a sore thumb.
Have any of you done this and feel the need to go back to things??
I'm just getting there. The last six years have been about survival, quite frankly. So now that ds is at school all day, I'm feeling a need to re-connect with myself (that probably sounds like I have dissociative identity disorder - what used to be called multiple personality disorder!). There is a place in town that is looking to start a theater group - they have a few adults interested. I told them I might be interested in a few months. I Was a theater major in college and directed some college plays as well as acted in them. That would be really cool to finally do something for me - and a way to express myself that has nothing to do with my kids!
I'm also feeling a need to get clothes that aren't sweatpants, jeans, long baggy shirts and shirts with cartoon characters on it! My dh is okay with this!
And lastly, I need to start working out again - there isn't a gym in our town that has child care - the nearest one is 15 miles away and is HORRIBLY expensive (0 a month not including child care!). So, yes - I feel like I have kind of lost myself when I became a parent. Not completely as I have at least continued to be politically active (maybe even more so!) but enough that I'm wanting to do something about it.
I'm also at a point in life where I frankly don't care if people think that my doing these things make me a poor mother!
Ok so its not just me. lol
After re-reading what I posted I thought to myself "I hope they didn't think I was an alcoholic or something". hehehehehe
I do have things that I've started lately that are "me" and help to define me, but I find myself wanting more things to do that with.
I'm not quite to the point of wanting to throw out my sweat pants and cartoon character t shirts though. Those are great for painting in!
I dont think I could ever part with my mickey mouse collection of t-shirts.. no matter how many holes they get.
I've gotten more involved with the animal rescue community sense my infant came along..that has helped me connect back up with myself a lot.
I'm taking in a momma and 6 pups this afternoon and am currently fostering a blind/deaf great dane pup.
In a very lame attempt to recapture my teen years I tried dying my hair a funky red color and failed miserably. lol
I am now a horrible yellowish orange with brown roots showing.. yay!
I AM WHO I AM AND I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN, AT HOME , AT WORK, AT ABBY'S THERAPIES. I JUST TURNED 36 AND I STILL ENJOY GOING OUT WITH MY FRIENDS. MY HUSBAND AND I ARE TWO BIG GOOFBALLS. I THINK YOU NEED TO STAY WHO YOU ARE AND TO STICK WITH THE THINGS YOU LOVE NO MATTER WHAT CHALLENGES LIFE THROWS AT YOU. THIS MIGHT SOUND WRONG BUT YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOME SELFISHNESS OR YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO SEPARATE YOURSELF OCCASIONALLY FROM ALL THE STRESS THAT EVERY DAY LIFE CAN BRING. THERE ARE ALWAYS TIMES TO BE SERIOUS, BUT NEVER STOP BEING WHO YOU ARE AND DOING WHAT YOU LOVE , IT WILL KEEP YOU STRONG.
MOMMMY TO ABBY GRACE 3YRS/PDD/NOS
[QUOTE=Allegra]I have definitely edited and censored myself to fit in with other parents, but I have also just changed along the way too. I still go to see heavy metal bands with my friends and do my artwork and some other things that add to who I am.
I think I will turn a little back to the "original" me as the kids get older, but I will also remain changed by them forever. It's not all bad though, I was a real loose cannon before I had kids, I like who I am now more than who I ever was before.
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Oh I'm definitely still going to see my bands! lol I never changed that.. the fact that I can't afford to see the ones I want to see is the only thing that has changed there.
There have been a lot of positive changes that I made for my children that I dont think I could have made without them. My caring nature, being more giving and having A LOT more patience are a few. Being an only child I was quite bratty. hehe
Some of the changes I was referring to when I started this thread were more physical. Its easy to hide hobbies and things like that from the public if you wish, but more physical things aren't easy to disguise.
Its almost like I need to have my family life over here and then way over here on the other side I need to have who Rachel is.
I think I'm having a hard time molding the two together..
[QUOTE=LACEYONE] THIS MIGHT SOUND WRONG BUT YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOME SELFISHNESS OR YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO SEPARATE YOURSELF OCCASIONALLY FROM ALL THE STRESS THAT EVERY DAY LIFE CAN BRING.
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I think that may be my problem. I'm too worried about taking care of everyone elses issues and juggling everything for everyone else and I dont have time to do anything for myself. I feel guilty when I try to take time out for myself or separate myself from my children if only for a few minutes. So this isn't going to be an easy process for me. It would help out a lot if I had someone I could trust to watch my children so I could get out or even just have the house quiet for awhile to relax.
I have always just been me, never concerned about what people think but now that i'm moving into a small suburb, will be expected to be involved in the community, I'm learning the whole routine, the right clothes, shoes, car. sports, it's exhausting. I figure I can stick with it long enough for people to get to know me and then they won't mind their kids playing at "that wierd lady's house"!.
Actually, I'm a bit of a hippie and don't agree with the bulldozing of forest for subdivisions when there are perfectly good homes in the city BUt, dh really, really wanted this.
Yes. Before I got pregnant with the boys we lived in the Charleston SC. I got pregnant, then in the middle of the pregnancy we got orders to DC. I decided to not go back to work for a while, then they were born and all the problems came, then another child. I miss who I was then. All the way around, physically ( a huge weight gain that I don't seem to have the time or energy to control), emotionally, the fun I use to have. I miss Charleston alot and we talk about moving back, but I'm afraid I don't really miss Charleston, I miss who I was when I lived there.Well, I'm not ready to throw out the sweats or the shirts with cartoon characters. I just feel like I probably shouldn't wear them out in public!
I do miss who I was when I lived in Iowa City... Ah, those were the days! I was young, socially active, politically charged and full of passion about life. But, some of that hasn't changed - but some has had to. It's part of growing up - not just about having kids. I'm still politically charged - that hasn't changed! And I do have passion for life - it just is a little different...
Glad to see it isn't just me..whew!