Is it chosen behavior?? | Autism PDD

I don't even know how to ask to make this all sound right but just gonna come out and say it..  Ok so it took me over 5 minutes to get this out as I just kept deleting and hesititating asking:

Does anyone every wonder if some of the behavior your child exhibits is chosen - meaning he knows he is acting out - example: being overly silly - almost seeming to purposely know he is aggravating others let it be at home, doctor's office or just out in public.  I am still trying to learn more about Autism, Asperger's etc.  and if what he is doing is his way of reacting to anxiety or just wanting attention.  I tried ignoring it, verbally correcting him and  also disciplining when he hurts others.  I let him know that his specific behavior is not tolerable when ever it happens.  Sometimes when he acts out it almost looks like he is purposely doing it.  I kind of get tangled up in emotions when I see him like this and feel like I must climb inside of his head to see what he is thinking.  Is this normal?

I don't know. I do know corn products causes Daniel hyper behavior. I also know caffeine calms us both here. Also, sometimes things are for different reasons than one thinks.

I used to do things that would get my friend's forehead to wrinkle (she had big wrinkles on her forehead that went all the way across it if she raised her eyebrows).

Then I'd touch it and she'd wrinkle it more which I thought was an invitation to touch it more.

It turned out the wrinkled forehead was a signal of annoyance.

Oops.
Oh yes - I hope I didn't come across as too harsh. I definitely think there are
times when it's beyond choice, like with severe anxiety, sensory, emotional
meltdown... That's why PDD is a disorder, I understand. =o( But often you
can teach coping skills, alternate outlets, explain reasons why something is
unacceptable, and hopefully use consequences to eventually teach wisdom...
I think the boy I was talking about is often flailing about, longing for
boundaries, or just getting pleasure/humor from the negative reactions of
others. Why not? =o( Childishness = not knowing better
Foolishness = knowing better

I like those definitions, which I learned through a parenting course, and I
believe they apply to anyone, regardless of where they are
developmentally.

I help out with special needs kids at my church, and one little PDD boy
was throwing blocks one day. I took his hand and guided him in picking
them up. I asked him why he threw them, and he said (HEAR THIS!) "My
mom lets me throw blocks at home." One week, he was dancing around
(which was acceptable) but occasionally stomping on a toy or bopping
someone, and I led (okay, gently dragged!) him out of the classroom.
Once he was out/calm, he said he didn't want to be in that class, he liked
walking the halls with me. So I'd say he was choosing to misbehave, for
the consequence that he wanted. These kids aren't stupid. Autistic
means SELF-CENTERED. They want to please themselves, don't always
understand other's perspectives. But that doesn't mean that they can't be
taught. Wherever they are developmentally, be it 10 months or 4 years,
there are social lessons to be working on.

(stepping off my soapbox)I don't know if any of us have that answer...as perhaps some children on
the spectrum do choose to do the behaviors you describe, while other
children can't control their behaviors. I will tell you, what you feel, about
wanting to get inside his head--sounds very common to me. I know
often I feel like a failure when I can't help my dd--not change her, but
help her when she is having a hard time. I think so many things we may
never know, and some when our children are older & are able to in some
form or fashion express themselves.

It could be a mix of sometimes he chooses it & other times not, there are
also so many factors like anxiety, fatigue, sensory issues, etc. that can
take over at any time. Have you tried social stories and/or visual cues?
You can find links here (search social stories) for older children. I would
come up with a plan, as far as taking away a toy or activity, or a reward-
type system for all behaviors...and be consistent, whether he has "chosen"
the behavior or not.

For our dd, I think sometimes she does *choose* to do some things...like
she may find enjoyment by falling back into a chair...and then this may
become a stim that she doesn't have too much control over. She has an
urge to do it over & over. She may also *choose* to not listen to me at
one moment, and later, she has no idea I am calling her name. She
sometimes *chooses* to shout "NO!" to something...but I don't feel she
chooses to have an all-out meltdown. She may have made the choice to
get on the train, but often it appears that the train leaves the station &
just keeps going, and she has little say in it.

Does any of this make sense?? Hope so!   

In my opinion, it's important to assume that your child is behaving reasonably based on his unique challenges and developmental level.  That doesn't mean he always behaves appropriately or desirably, and it doesn't mean you shouldn't do something about it. 

The reasons behind a behavior vary immensely.  Here's an acronym to help you systematically go through the potential reasons why a challenging behavior is occurring:  T.E.A.S.E.

<quote>

T- is for Tangibles. To get food, obtain activities, get toys, or protect personal space.

E- is for Escape/Avoidance. Difficult tasks (bath time, hair cuts, picking up toys), change in routine, Interruption in a desired activity, avoid hugs, affection, or attention.

A- is for Attention. Obtain hugs, Parent Attention, Interactions from others.

S- is for Sensory (Self reinforcement or stimulation). Obtain sensory input, rocking, head banging, hand flapping, spinning somersaults, finger flicking, leg banging.

E- End of reasons. Meaning, once you find out the reason or function of the behavior, it can bring an end to it, or an end to your concern for it.

<unquote>

Source:  mysamiam.blogspot.com

I personally find that my son is less likely to behave manipulatively and more likely to be reacting to his sensory environment.  To get an understanding of your child's sensory issues, try this checklist:

http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-processin g-disorder-checklist.html

I would also add that cumulative stress is the source of most "tantrummy" behavior.  Our kids face constant challenges and frustrations, and they often have poor sleeping and eating habits.  This means that they are prone to meltdowns -- you would lose control too if you were under severe, unremitting physical and emotional stress.  The trigger might be something trivial, but again, that doesn't mean their behavior isn't reasonable.  A meltdown is a reasonable reaction to their overall stress load -- think "the straw that broke the camel's back."

If you're facing problems with frequent meltdowns, you'll probably find the following forum topic helpful.  It's called "Meltdown resources". 

http://www.autism-pdd.net/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=17134&am p;KW=meltdown+resources

Good luck with everything.

It has taken me a long time to realize that just because he has high functioning/ Aspergers does not mean that ALL his behavior is because of this! I think ALL kids can possibly act out, especially our kids that go through so many challenges. I mean, let's face it if I stuttered so bad that i had to tap myself on the head to get the word to come out, I would be pretty darn frustrated too & I might take it out on the one person who is ALWAYS there for me no matter what - MY MOM!
I think this is an excellent question. How can you tell if it is the ASD or just bad behaviors that need to be corrected? I wish I had the answer!
Copyright Autism-PDD.net