?? for adults with autism (parents too) | Autism PDD

Wao! I've always wondered how much our kids understand. Thanks for sharing, have no suggestions for you. I am just taking lessons from those words.

Concernedpa.

Keep your own attitude positive. I don't think my son feels bad because of his autism and he's a teen. In fact, often he seems more content than my other kids.

I'm reading "Strange Son" by Portia Iverson. In there, she tells about a boy named Tito who's completely nonverbal, but who could communicate by pointing at a letter board or typing. He's written some books. Here is a quote from one of them:

I got diagnosed that I had Autism when the calendar showed 1992.
I still remember the words of the clinical psychologist, explaining to my parents,
why I was so, and what was needed to be done.
Was I sad? Or was I happy? I cannot say.
Happiness to me, during those days, was the immediateness of the environment.
I was happy, because I was eating the chocolate.
I was happy, because I was looking at the fan.
And I was happy, because I saw the fan moving.
I was sad, because the shirt was new, and the body felt uncomfortable.
I was sad, because my father was taking me through a new route and my body felt scattered.
So, was I sad, when I heard that I had Autism? No. I do not remember that.
I was sure for the first time, that I had something.
I was sure of a few more answers.
Answers to those questions, which formed around me.
'Why is he not talking?'
'Why is he flapping his hands?'
'And why is he not playing with other chidren?'
All those questions had one answer.
'Because he is Autistic' Simple as that.
I felt quite comfortable with the answer.
However, when my father looked disappointed and mother sang less, I got worried.
'Was it wrong to be Autistic?'
The concepts of what is right and what is wrong came from that.
With the crisis of the situation. And sure enough there was this crisis.
Otherwise why should father look so sad? And why should he be advised to take me to that doctor and then to that doctor and then to another doctor?

I was worried now although I had all the answers to questions about myself and my actions.
I began to be haunted by my own self which had Autism.
And then I began to be ashamed of my own self.
For some days I did not visit my image in front of the mirror.
I did not bother to even play with the words because I did not hear mother reciting the poetry for the next few weeks.

That passage just really got to me. My son is only 3 and we only found out a few months ago about his PDD-NOS. But I do NOT ever want him to feel that it is "wrong to be Autistic". I don't want him to be "ashamed of his own self". I don't want him to see me sad because he has Autism. Yet, I do cry about it quite frequently. I have up til now discussed his ASD openly with people in front of him.

My question is--how do I keep him from feeling bad and wrong about himself? Should I not discuss his autism in front of him? What can I do to help him accept and be happy with who he is even if he is different from his peers?

hmmm... well first off I must say your son is a little young to be worried about that, I know I was about 11-12 when I was finally told what my problem was, and by then I was mainstreamed. Really, never thought much about it until later in life, i never felt so much ashaimed, but to this day I do feel like I need to hide it from most of the world, as it may interfere with my current life (work, neghboors, friends) if they were to find out id be treated differently, I want to be treated like everybody else.

I think down the road, when he is older u should sit him down and talk to him about it, perhapse while he is still in elementary, if he is awair he is different (and ive always known i was a little different, just not that different) and is told why, he may be inclined to fix some of the issues he may have, and be more socally acceptible, as I had done. He may see he has things he needs to work on if he is to have friends, be treated normally, and knowing what the problem is and understanding what it means for him can help alot as hell know what to look for (not stiming in front of people, not talking about special interests constantly, eye contact, not being isolated).

Later in life I hope you can make him understand that it was something he was born with and that never will he be cured and that it does not have to be a disability (for a while in high school I thought I was screwed in the adult world, now i dont see it that way, i think of it more as a childhood disability as I can cope just fine now 99% of the time) and that their are an equal amount of positive things as their are negative. he may be smarter then others (tho dont let him say that, or in fact even tell his friends he has autism, that will result in ostrsization, isolation, and being made fun of).

Heh, id write at least another page but my time is up

I have to go into work, id be happy to shair how I feel about stuff with ya if u want, and if i see this topic still active ill continue where I left off.Tito is a fascinating child - he wrote this book "The Mind Tree" at the age of 11 which is fascinating -He was assumed to be really low functioning -Sorry that was off-topic
I am so keen that my son know about how wonderful a blessing he is - I just keep telling him that every day and I hope I will learn strategies that help him cope when he grows up

That was a very touching and informative quote from Tito. Thanks for sharing that.

It is definitely best to be on the safe side and be careful about what we say around our children. We had no idea about this rule of thumb until I joined this forum in January, so we just blabbed away, especially before our son was 6 years old. And luckily there was no harm done. With our son, if he didn't show signs of paying attention, he wasn't paying attention. He wasn't capable of dividing his attention until he was more like 7 years old.

After he got the diagnosis at age 7, we avoided using the word autism in front of him until we were ready to tell him about his diagnosis. First, we had to deal with our own grief, and follow our own learning curve. Then, we had to figure out a way of teaching him about his diagnosis that would leave his self-esteem intact.

I wrote a social story book for him and read it for the first time just before his 9th birthday. We included autistic strengths, personal anecdotes that he likes to hear, and pictures of him. We also included his challenges of course. We were very pleased with the result and anyone who wants to adapt the story and personalize it for their own child is free to do so. Here it is:

http://www.autism-pdd.net/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=16063&am p;am p;KW=finally+told

There are other resources for teaching kids about autism under the following topic on our forum:

http://www.autism-pdd.net/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=15359&am p;PN=1&TPN=1

Good luck with everything.

The funniest thing happened yesterday. My son is non verbal. He can say I, like I want, and the 'c' sound, and even sometimes answers yeah. We were in church service and the preacher addressed the children and said- kids are you listening?, and R said the clearest "no" I ever heard. It was hysterical!

So smart. and I tell him how smart he is every night before bed. When he seems to be having a hard time, I tell him he might have to work harder at things than some kids, but he is a wonderful boy who knows things don't come easily. I think he will turn out a lot more grateful than some kids to whom things come so easily.