O.K., those of you with older boys, how do you handle the whole public restroom thing once they decide they are too old to go into the women's restroom with you? My son has recently decided he wants to to into the men's restroom rather than the women's because, after all, he's a boy not a girl. He's figured out that there is a distinct difference. This started at the pool when he decided he wanted to walk through the boys locker room to meet me at the other side. Now, he's extending it to other public restrooms. In the past few days I've let him go into a public restroom alone, however, in both instances he was the only one inside, and I stood outside the door holding it partially open.
At what age did you start to let your boys go into a public restroom alone (both NT and ASD)? What about if you need to use the women's restroom while your son is with you? This is all new to me since up till now he's always gone in the women's restroom with me.
Looks like he's growing up.
The boys have went into the boys restroom alone since age 5. At school they drill into the kids YOU ARE A BOY AND BOYS GO IN THE BOYS POTTY. Ever since he learned this, my ASD son pitches a major fit if I make him go in the girls. Since there are two of them, and they tend to go in together, and they are very good at taking care of business and washing up without assistance, I'm ok with it. I typically wait right outside the door. Usually I can hear them chattering to each other the whole time they are in there so I know they are ok.
When I have to go, it's another story. I will let them go in the boys room to do their business, but I tell them that grown ups are not allowed to leave children alone and they aren't allowed to stand outside the girls and wait for me. They HAVE to come inside to wait for me. They sometimes put up a fuss (C yelling "No mommy, I'm a boy, boys go in the boys potty, girls go in the girls potty" etc.), and sometimes I have to threaten "we will not get any candy on the way out of the store if you don't come into the girls room with me while I pee." Usually that works. I thankfully (knock on wood) have not had a situation where I have had to poop in a public restroom when I've had the kids alone! I'm not sure I could keep them contained in the ladies room for that long!
I told my son that the distinction between mens and womens restrooms areWe are homebodies, and shop mostly in our small town, so we don't often wind up in this situation. When we're out and about, my husband is usually with us, but when he's not, I play it by ear. Sometimes my son comes in with me -- at our house the "stay with your grown-up" rule is really drilled into them. However, at 9 years old, his days in the women's room are certainly numbered.
One time, I let him go into a McDonalds restroom alone and he came back without his shoes. He has a hard time focusing on a task, so I couldn't trust him to find his shoes and had to yell in the door "my son took off his sandals in there. Does anyone see them?" It was humorous and stressful at the same time.
Luckily, more and more public places have "family restrooms" or handicapped restrooms that are private and accommodate 2+ people. They have them at airports, for example. The location of these special restrooms are mentioned in the airport guides at www.ifly.com under "People with special needs/persons with disabilities."
Here's a sample social story about using the restroom/locker room at a water park.
http://www.machkovich.com/CorysAutismRecovery/SocialStories/ GoingToTheRestroomInPublicPlaces.pdf
Good luck with everything.
My ds is 7 and big. 95% of the time I still take him with me only I we are
Well, ds started to want to go in the boys' restroom between age 4 and 5. If I don't have to go, I let him. But, with potty training my youngest this past summer, he had to come into the girls' bathroom frequently with us. I did the "grown-ups can't leave kids alone" rule and he seemed okay with it. I let him go in alone when neither dd or I have to go. He does fine - we've been working on independent life skills for a VERY long time because tzoya always emphasizes that and Patty Romanowksi (co-author of the OASIS guide to Asperger's Synrome) emphasizes it on the OASIS board (she sometimes comes on the board and gives advice. I'm not saying that all of our kids are capable of going to the restroom by themselves.
One thing I might suggest trying is to have a man go along with you and have ds go into the restroom by himself. That way, if there are any issues - the man can go in and help. Try this several times if you can, and then eventually (hopefully) your ds will be comfortable with going by himself.
When we are traveling though, I always have ds come in with me if dh is not with me. Or if we go to a large place like the Mall of America. I have seen 9-10 year old boys in the womens' restroom in there. Although it makes me a little uncomfortable as a woman - I also think to myself that if I were a mom, I wouldn't feel comfortable having them wait for me outside the restroom there either! It's just too big a place and too many people - anything could happen. I suppose anything could happen anywhere, but that is one place that gives me the willies and I keep EXTREMELY close tabs on my kids there.
I see a lot of boys ages 5-6 going to the bathrooms by themselves who are NT. My dear friend was very surprised when we were having lunch at a fast-food restaurant this summer. I sent ds to the bathroom by himself (we were about 40 feet away and I could see the door). She was surprised that ds would go by himself and be okay, I think. I'm not sure, but I believe that her ds still goes with her at almost age 9 every time.
Since we had the bathroom as such an issue last year at school - I'm all for encouraging independence!
It depends on the situation. If we are in a small restaurant and I know nobody is in the men's room then I'll let both boys go in. Anything bigger, like the mall or the movies and everyone's going to the women's rest room unless of course DH is around. Most of the malls around here have family rest rooms.
When my oldest son is around, I allow my middle son to go the restroom with him. If it is just myself and the 2 younger ones, I absolutely do not let either one of them in a restroom alone. I used to let my middle son go in alone, but then heard a story of a little boy being exposed to in a YMCA men's room, and that was that. I've heard many horror stories, and I'm not taking any chances.
I was thinking about this recently, although my son is six and still in nappies and isn't showing any sign of readiness for the toilet yet. I don't know if he will ever reach that stage. But if he does I would feel happiest taking him to the disabled toilet so it didn't cause any issues with the public. When I use the toilet I take him in with me because he is still young, but when he gets older I that might be an issue so if there's a disabled toilet I'd use that, if not I might have to bring him into the Women's. It's a tricky one.
We use the family bathroom or handicapped whenever possible, other wise my 8 year old 70 pound son comes with Mommy - if people do not like it, O well!
The only time I would let my son use the mens alone is when it's the singel kind that only one person uses and I look in to check it's empty and then stand outside the door. He wants to use the mens since the urinal is "cool"
I guess I'm a bad mom here - but I do stay right by the bathroom door (usually) and if ds isn't out in 2 minutes or less, I am knocking on the bathroom door and asking if he's okay. This has happened enough times that he usually doesn't dawdle - he HATES when I knock on the door and yell in!
We live in a pretty small town (and yes, I know perverts are everywhere) but I'm trying to encourage independence. And this is something he really wanted to do, so I'm trying to respect his privacy (which is why he wants to go by himself).
My son was about 8, as I remember, when he refused to go into the restroom with me. I hovered outside and waited for him. Sometimes, he took awhile because he was going through a stage when he LOVED to look at his funny face in the mirror. Once or twice, I had to pop my head in to tell him to hurry up. But otherwise, things went fine. AFter about a year of feeling nervous about this, I finally started to not worry and he's been going to find the men's room by himself ever since.With Donny (age 10 and big for his age), it depends. If he's focussed, onWhen my kids were still young enough to come into the ladies room, but too old to come into the stall with me I used to get them to stand outside the toilet with their backs to the door so I could see their feet.
I used diasabled toilets for quite a while too (particularly with Lachlan).
When Nicholas got too old to come into the ladies room I would wait outside the mens room for him...right near the door. I probably looked like the pervert. We had a small egg timer that I kept in my bag and Nicholas knew if the sand ran out I would come in for him. He always came out before then - it was a bit of a game to him. We also did lots of reinforcement about stranger danger and what was appropriate behaviour for everyone using the bathroom. If somebody approached him him he was to yell really loudly "I don't know this person - they are not my mummy/daddy".
I think a small timer would work just as well.
If I had a dawdler, I might set a small timer for a few minutes and put it in his pocket. As long as there wasn't a line of people waiting to use the bathroom, a timer would probably work.