how does your child feel about structure? | Autism PDD

I keep hearing that our kids do best with a structure. Some of our kids are
quite rigid themselves and demand a predictable structure.
My ds has been a pretty go with the flow toddler, probably because he
had a tendency to zone out instead of stress.
Last year in school he had a very very structured teacher and it was
horrible. My ds was very anxious and stressed out and completly
bristeling against the structure. He did spent his days crying, chewing
through shirts and trying to zone out. It did not improve either. This year
he is at a mainstream school that is very unstructured ( think hippie
school) and so far so good. I know it has been only three days and he has
had a 1:1 shadow for the transition but apart from a few meltdowns he is
fine. I went to observe him in class and he seems more relaxed and less
zoned out. He responded to his name every time!!! They do a lot of
community building exercises at the beginning of the year that are
actually looking a lot like RDI so I think that will benefit him. I think I will
have to be carful about academics not taking too much of a backseat but
their test results look okay.
So - do you know of any kids that actually do better unstructured?
How does your kid do best?

With six people in our household, things are usually chaotic around here! I mean, sure, we have some routines, but we are really kind of pantser-parents. :) Jason does really well with abrupt changes that aren't all that huge...you know, we go out to eat instead of eating in, going somewhere on the spur of the moment, and just usual kid chaos.

Big things, however, he REALLY has trouble with. When his brothers went back to school, it was hard. He kind of regressed, and was clearly much more agitated. It was the same way when they stopped school for the summer. It took him about three weeks to adjust to the new routines. I am really dreading moving, which is pretty inevitable. I'll be working double-time, trying every creative thing I can think of to ease the transition for him.

Six of one, half dozen of the other, I guess, with him.

Both of my kids like a certain amount of structure in school. I think it's the predictability they like. My oldest has loosened up a lot over the years, but when he was younger his teachers knew they needed to give him warnings if there was going to be a change in the day's schedule. My youngest has a daily checklist on his desk, and my oldest had one when he was younger too.

None of their teachers have been overly structured or strict. They have always been great about giving my kids sensory breaks. They also know how to have fun once in awhile.

I have always been very structured, and feel lost without it. I need routine because I have no way of dealing with unpredictability, tho thats only if I have my way, i have done just fine without but feel considerably more stress and a general feeling of sometimes not knowing how to proceed.

To this day I live by my routine, and mon-fri I wont leave the house other then to go to work, only on weekends do I become more spontanious and even then I need to have a plan as far as what Ill be doing (like maby camping, fishing, hiking or hanging out with my new girlfriend). She wont admit it, but I bet she gets mad at me because I cannot suddenly change my plans, and if I do she finds me trying to adjust my scedual instead of just going with the flow. I just need to know what im doing ahead of time so I can figure out how to proceed and have everything in place I need. This results in me only hanging out with people, family and friends, on the weekends and ill spend the weekdays alone.

I could deal fine with minor changes as a kid, especally since family life demands it, but major changes (like someone moving away, new school year, summer vacation, new job) are very stressful, but I can deal with these with little outside signes of stress, but inside im almost freaking out, hahahha.

Im afraid, even tho as you get older and learn to cope with unpredictability and loss of structure better, I dont see breaking that habbit, its life long, at least for me to this day, heh.

My son has always been pretty flexible and has never tried to insist on doing things a certain way. On occasion, he gets stressed if we break a routine, more so in the morning and at bedtime. At bedtime, the only problem is when I can't be there to snuggle with him.

Last year, we usually dropped him off first and then his brother, and he got a little agitated once when we had to do the opposite. This year, most days he goes straight to his classroom alone (big step) while I wait with his little brother who also goes to elementary school this year. However, on Mondays, he starts 45 minutes later than little brother, and it was clearly a problem for him to break the routine. So we signed him up for the school's daycare program. It doesn't seem to matter to him if he goes there rather than to his classroom, as long as he has somewhere to go right away.

In school, they have certain routines, but the schedule varies quite a bit (gym first thing on Tuesdays, but other specials are in the middle of the day, etc). This doesn't seem to bother him. In 1st grade, they started out with a visual schedule for him, but found that it was too much information for him. He really only needs warning about the next transition.

The most important thing about his school arrangement is that he can take a break if needed.

I have to say my son does wonderful with structure (6 years old PDD-NOS). Unfortunatly we have no structure at home.. i try and try its just so hard!! But in Kindergarten he got an older teacher who was very structured and firm- she scared us grown ups! But the kids all loved and adored her.. and he really thrived in her class. I really think they DO like structure, they just dont know it :) LOL

It depends on what aspect of structure you are talking about.

T likes knowing what is going to happen next. But she does well in novel situations as long as she knows what is expected of HER. So if there is somewhere new we are going, the more I can tell her about what is happening or going to happen, the better ... but she still seems to enjoy novelty and unpredicted changes, too. The key seems to be explaining or interpreting things, as muc has possible.

She does NOT always appreciate others' choices being imposed on her, however. (choice of video or activity or FOOD). Especially when she is perseverating on anticipating an activity ...