I feel stuck in a quandry and have lost perspective.... I could really use some thoughts, advise, encouragement here... we just don't know what to do with ds#2 now?!?!?!?! He does so many things so well but he's still go so many "spectrumy" flags too. I just don't know whether or not to have him evaluated or not?
Here's my hesitation... my older son now at 4.5 is nearly indistinguishable from his peers. He's doing GREAT!! Very intelligent, very social, loves playing WITH other children! He's leaps and bounds ahead of where we ever expected him to be now after receiving that PDD-NOS diagnosis a little over 2 years ago. When he was dx at 2.5 he only had about 100 words and they were VERY hard to understand. His language was very chunky, rehersed, and scripted. He would flip light switches on and off and spin all day long if we let him. He was scared of other children and ignored most adults. You get the picture
So here we are with child number 2 who seems so far ahead of his brother at this age in SO many ways. But still there are concerning things... he's been spelling out words and has an extreme fascination with print (his brother is hyperlexic), his play skills are very week... while he does have some pretend play and does immitate well its very basic still, he scripts movies, he ignores people with the best of them... and I mean COMPLETE ignoring not even acknowledging... that type of ignoring. BUT he parallel plays great and even interacts some with other kids already, has well over 500 words in his vocab, combines words together novelly (not rehersed), makes his wants/needs known verbally and through gestures, he points AND references, he's not doing anything repetitively... could care less about spinning things. He's not rigid and not a tantrumer (neither was his brother though). Honestly with how well he ignores and doesn't follow directions though I am certain he'd get a diagnosis... he probably wouldn't do a darn thing the examiners requested of him despite his actual abilities to do them.
I feel so stuck... I have always felt that the diagnosis pigeon holed Jason. People treat him differently and unfairly because of it in MANY instances. I'd LOVE to just bipass that for Matthew and give him time to grow and mature on his own... but will he??? Would he be better off getting the same services his brother got (special needs preschool, weekly ST, etc... never ABA) or can we just take what we learned from Jason and apply it to Matthew without the dx and outside services (he wouldn't get a thing becuase our insurance would only pay for things with the dx). How much do the services really help?? I mean did Jason grow on his own or was it hte preschool that helped?? We'll never know. I would feel guitly not giving Matthew the same chances in life... BUT then again I'd love to give him the chance to develop on his own and potentially not ever get that label.
We do have Matthew in EI right now... but that only goes until 3. If I wanted him to continue to receive services after that I would NEED a dx because he wouldn't "fail" the MFE through the school district to qualify for preschool without that dx. Of course there's a 6 month waiting list for autism evals thus the reason we need to be thinking about it now. I just don't know what to do?!?!?!
What do you think?? Like I said I feel like my judgement is clouded here.
Sarah
WHat a quandary - I would definitely say get an ASD diagnois to anyother parent but for the line in your post where you said you felt the label hurt your son !
This is what I would do - I would go to a private psychologist and get a diagnosis from them and get some professional advice
That way the control is still in your hands
Any other opinions??
I have decided to wait with Roan. I currently believe that he is simply a late talker. My 13 year old son was very late and had additional red flags. He outgrew them all, slowly but surely.
If I don't see any improvement by the time Roan is 2.5, I am calling EI. Good luck in whatever you decide. Keep me updated if you would like, as I am interested and have been watching several folks on here getting a DX with a second child.!
PS. I have a 3.7 year old son Liam who has been DX with autism.
Matthew is very coordinated too. I remember Jason walking into walls and objects all the time at this age... even up past 3 really. Matthew is very aware of his surroundings and never walks into anything. He walks up and down stairs easily without holding on, jumps in place and forward, stands easily on one foot for 5 seconds, etc. I remember Jason being afraid of climbing but Matthew climbs easily and all the time. His fine motor skills seem normal to me... although he's never been formally eval'd... but he holds a crayon in an emerging tripod grip, scribbles easily, laces beads, etc. He follows my point easily (something his brother didn't do until he was closer to 3.5) and points out things of interest of his own. He brings us toys to show and for help.
I could go on and on about his strengths but honestly his weaknesses speak louder to me. That ignoring and refusal to follow directions really grates on me. Maybe I don't know what a "normal" 2 year old is supposed to be like but it certainly doesn't seem right to me. I do hope that all of his strengths help him overcome his weaknesses though... I know that was the case for his brother
Personally I wouldn't wait at all. My ds Matthew didn't get therapy until age 3 1/2 and I truly believe he would be even farther ahead if he had gotten them earlier. He is doing great now but I think maybe it would have been better. Our 2 year old has been in therapy since age 18 months and is gaining very quickly. He does not have an official dx but just the speech delay from EI. We put him in ABA 5 hours/week and s/t through EI 2xweek. He has gone from 8 words to over 50 and his eye contact is so much better. We almost didn't do all this since he is so different from his brother (who is high functioning pdd-nos). Little guy Michael plays better and seems more connected. I think he might be pdd-nos but he does not stand out at all from his peers. the sooner the better for therapy. As much as you can afford and then some is my personal opinion. Our boys now do alot of therapy - 19 hours for our 4 year old and 9 hours for our 2 year old.
I personally think that all siblings of autistic children should be evaluated as a matter of course, not necessarily for autism but to identify any delays and get timely help for them.
My youngest son's teacher wanted to talk to the special ed consultants about social delays -- which I had not noticed myself, since I don't see him in social situations that often. This was at age 4. However, his preschool was bought out and transferred to a new building/new management, and he fell through the cracks. After summer vacation, I started pushing for this evaluation. Well, things take time here and it really wasn't until April or May that they had answers and could start some interventions. Well, his last day of preschool was June 11. Fat lot of good that did.
He probably doesn't need much extra help, but now it's the elementary school that has to try and give him that social boost. He doesn't have an official diagnosis, btw.
I say better safe than sorry.
All kids need all the help they can get in this world. Just because you get extra help doesn't mean he will have a dx, it just means he might get head start!I too will go for the extra help early on. It can only help not hurt. So manyI would get the help. My question is how do you feel the diagnosis hurt your son? Who all did you tell? We haven't told anyone who wasn't providing services and/or left in charge of my son. With the occasional exception where ds has acted SO bizarrely (like at his haircut the other day) that I feel I need to tell people. This doesn't happen very often.
Thus, we don't have people judging him - they sometimes judge us for what they see as bad parenting, but I don't really care (well I do, but I tell myself I don't!
I guess if I could have gotten help at age 2 for my son, I think it would have been a good thing. We didn't get help until right before he turned 4 as we had no idea he had PDD-NOS until he was 3 1/2. He is doing really great now (for the most part), but I wonder if he would have been doing even better had he started earlier.
Why wait? It can only help your son, in my opinion...
I would get the extra help early on. I am having the same issue with my boys. I am getting them both evaluated because if they do need the help I want them to get it. My 2 year old is in speech/language right now. He doesn't have as many "red flags" but he only responds to his name 1/2 the time and with the speech issue I thought it best to have him evaluated. He does share interactions, okay eye contact, follows point, but those other 2 things nag at me to get him looked at.