Is this "normal"? | Autism PDD
Hi all! I'm a newbie, just found the board today. I really haven't sought out support from other parents with children with ASD before. I am glad to have found this board though.
I have a 3 yr old son who was diagnosed with autism in November. I have been in a constant battle with myself ever since, does he or doesn't he? ; back and forth denial about it all. He started getting IE before he was diagnosed, b/c it was obvious that he was developmentally delayed. Back in November he had 11 words. Today he has 50-60+. He is starting to put 2 words together, but hasn't gotten beyond "hi mommy"; "hi daddy"; "hi Connor"; "hi...." Every time I see him make an improvement I torment myself with the possibility that perhaps he doesn't have autism.
He turned 3 in July and entered the school system taking over his care. His IEP was developed, and it's been hard on me with him graduating IE. I miss being part of his therapy sessions. So many things haven't been implemented yet from his IEP and he has suffered in some respects. He has stopped using his PECS system at home, since they aren't using it during the day at school. But, he is starting to use more words, even if they're being done in an imitative (echolalia) way. My ds is on the high functioning and is really good at faking it and fooling people into thinking he's normal. The lady with the school system didn't want to use the diagnosis "autism", since she didn't think he was. She had to since we had a diagnosis, but anyway...
He is attending preschool at one of the local churches (that's who the school system contracts with) and attends 5 days a week (4 half days and 1 full day). He really enjoys it. Today his teacher told me that Zachary is starting to interact with a couple of the other children in the class. It's going beyond "playing next to them". Today I hid myself from him to observe. He was very awkward, and basically was imitating what the other little boy was doing, but I could tell that some social interactions were definitely emerging from him. He was taking his cues from the little boy as he really didn't know what to do, but I was very pleased to see this. So, I'm back to asking myself the question again!
And here is where my question comes in (finally, huh?) He does so well at school. They have no problems out of him at all. In fact the teacher has told me that he is the best behaved in class. She says, "you hardly even notice he's there."
When he gets home he's a different child. We have MAJOR behavior issues with him.
The only thing I can figure is that he thrives on the structure at school. Things aren't as structured at home. I do have another child as well.
I was in tears today over this. I actually have a meeting in a half hour with the lady who did our parent training and school officials. She is going to train his teachers & therapist how to use his PECS book & explain a few other things.
I feel like these ppl must think that we're making all of this up. They see nothing but the "good" side and we see his difficult side. Now when we go out to the store or out to eat, everyone sees his difficult side, but at school.....ANGEL!
I've compiled a list of things he's still doing or started doing to discuss with the lady who trained us:
constantly crashes himself into my couches
climbs the countertops
gets on top of the refigerator
hits and pushes his older brother for no reason
opens and closes doors and drawers continuously, until we stop him.
drags chairs all over house to reach things he wants
climbs shelves in his room to get down whatever he wants (toys, just to knock them off the shelf generally)
goes into our book closet filled with shelves and just dumps all the books on the floor.
wanders away in public (this has been a major problem before)
wanders away at home (gotten alot better)
bangs himself backwards in chairs in a rocking motion
gets things out and throws them on the floor and leaves. refuses to pick them up.
climbs the shelves on the refrigerator door to get items.
when I try to take him to go poop on the potty, he screams NO and runs away from me in a panic. He especially does this if he already has a poopy in his underwear.
he has stopped using his PECS like he once was before school started.
still has meltdowns if you tell him no when he wants something.
constantly repeats phrases "hi mommy"
you tell him no and he keeps doing it or trying to get what you tell him no to. ie, getting in the refigerator, the dvd player. He's very persistant; stubborn.
he has broken 3 out of 4 of my kitchen chairs. We can't eat together anymore.
turns water on/off in a fast continuous motion.
has problems with generalizations. He can't understand why he can't have coke when he can have water, milk or juice, etc.
These are just some of the problems I have with him behaviorally. I am at my wits end at times and it's hard for me not to take it personally that he is such a different child at school.
I'm really hoping that someone can tell me that this is normal. Thanks for reading this if you've gotten this far.
Any advice or kind words are greatly appreciated. Thanks! :)
Welcome.
And many, many times here, we have discussed the issue that our kids are VERY different, at home from in school! Sometimes they are more symptomatic or "worse," at school, sometimes at home. They are all different!
It's not necessarily thriving on the structure at school.When I went to school, what it was was I held everything together all day at school. Sort of, at least. Then when I got home I fell apart. (And started screaming and crying a lot, mostly.) That's a really common pattern for autistic children.
I certainly didn't find school's structure enough to compensate for its overload potential, because I spent as much of my time as possible in the bathroom and found the classroom intolerable and impossible to learn in. (But I managed about 7 or 8 years of BSing the way your son seems to do before I finally couldn't handle school at all either.)
Welcome to the forum. Your child is certainly not the first to hold it all together at school and lose it at home.
The vast majority of the behaviors you describe sound sensory-seeking. Some families are able to get help from an occupational therapist to understand and try to treat sensory issues, but if you haven't had that opportunity yet, here's a checklist which should give you a clearer picture of your child's sensory challenges.
http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-processin g-disorder-checklist.html
Hang in there, and good luck with everything.
I have a 5 year old son that I noticed had some differences at age 3. I put him in therapy for 1 year. After that I just started treating him the same as I would if he didn't have autistic tendencies, except for the fact that I have modified his diet. His speech was not good at 3 but now at 5 is pretty great really. He wandered off constantly, jumped off everything, it seemed like everywhere he was there was a path of destruction. I never even saw him sit down (honestly) until he was 4. I think I started becoming totally preoccupied with the autism rather than with my son. Now, I finally "get him". I can without much effort translate his bizarre phrases with things that make total sense. Things get better and not everyone fits in the "spectrum".As already stated that is very common with ASD kiddos. Andrew is very very good at school, was last year too, and would scream almost from the point I put him in the car to come home until it was bedtime. I think he screamed for 2 years. I don't think anyone at school believed what he was like at home until they saw a video and they were sure they were watching Nikolas. Nikolas for the past 2 years has cried most of his days at school, behavioral problems, yelling at the teacher, screaming at the teacher, wouldn't sit, laid under the table all day, oh it was a total disaster. And I had zero problems like that at home. I had no idea how to address it because I never saw those behaviors. This year he's in an ASD classroom though and he's a different child, they did not know how to handle an ASD child at the old school. Now he is thriving. Andrews screaming at home has calmed down, although he still does it. His communication has increased and as that has happened the behaviors have decreased. Good luck and welcome to the board!Thank you all for your responses. It's good to know that he's not unusual in the fact that he's mastered the Dr Jekyl & Mr. Hyde act.
I just got home from this meeting. I broke down when I talked to the special ed head for our school system today. I am just so frustrated to see him one way here and another way there. When I described his behaviors at home, I basically got the response, "oh not our Zachary". They just can't imagine him my way.
It was very disheartening to listen to his teacher tell the group that he can't make choices if they're placed in front of him. I've always had that problem too. The only way he can make choices is with his PECS & since he hasn't been encouraged to use it at school, nor has he used it once there, he's regressed. Basically he's been ignored at circle time since he doesn't talk and he's been passed over b/c his teacher doesn't know how to work with him. I guess it's no wonder he's so different when he gets home. Perhaps he's holding his frustration in, like you suggested and knows that home is a safe place to let it all out. Lucky me though, huh?
All of the information his teacher learned today (basic overview of phases 1-4) was overwhelming to her understandably, but she seems very hesitant to get on board with some of the suggestions made to her, since she is afraid it will take away from the typically developing kids. Hopefully things will work out and I've offered to come into the classroom anytime or to meet afterwards to help her understand things better.
NorwayMom, he has an OT evaluation coming up (or at least he's supposed to - it's in his IEP). He had OT when he was in IE, but he absolutely hated it. Yes, I agree with you; he is a huge sensory seeker. I just don't know what to do to help relieve that. I've been in a battle with my dh to get a trampoline for the kids (even though we both agreed we'd never allow our kids to play on one before his dx) I'm hoping that he will qualify for services for OT and perhaps I can get some good advice . The thing I've found about school systems / IEP's is that they say you're a team, but nobody ever communicates with you, so you have no idea what's being done and how he's doing.
Anyway, thanks for allowing me to rant and for answering my question. I feel so much better and can't wait to share this with dh.
Take care.
I ran across an article called "Different behavior between school and home" by the respected people at the National Autistic Society. They quote Tony Attwood calling this "Jekyl and Hyde".
Here's the link to the article for those who are interested:
http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=734&a=8455
Hi and Welcome from another Mom of Zachary,my son is six,and I have the same thing going on,he holds it together in kindergarten,and lets it all out at home,my son is a big sensory seeker too,we bought a ball pit, he crashes and dives into it after school,he also has alot of verbal stims,so we have alot of crashing and squealing going on,I wonder what the neighbors think
The school thinks Im crazy also,he has two Aids right now,one is the one from Daycare they allowed to transition him(3 weeks) ,and the other is his school Aid,so here is this kid ,being Great at school ,with two Aids.
God bless,Linda
My son, who is now older, did well at school and sometimes imploded at home, but time was kind to him. As he got his help, his behavior gradually improved in all areas, including at home. His social skills have also improved and, while he is not a "typical" teen, he is a delightful young man who has come a long way. [QUOTE=NorwayMom]Welcome to the forum. Your child is certainly not the first to hold it all together at school and lose it at home.
The vast majority of the behaviors you describe sound sensory-seeking. Some families are able to get help from an occupational therapist to understand and try to treat sensory issues, but if you haven't had that opportunity yet, here's a checklist which should give you a clearer picture of your child's sensory challenges.
http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-processin g-disorder-checklist.html
Hang in there, and good luck with everything.
[/QUOTE]NorwayMom is absolutely right!! My son started school almost 3 weeks ago and is in here what is called PPCD(preschool program for children with Disabilities). The battle that you speak of with your child is something that we were facing also. Things seem to be getting a bit better. And trust me when I tell you that you will get a lot of help and support here and will learn so much from the links that are posted on this forum. Good luck and hang in there. We are all fighting all kinds of battles with our kids, and this is one of MANY.
And also, welcome to the board!
Stick around, because from personal experience this forum has helped me, and my family so so much.
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