bad behavior or autism?
I guess it would depend on the behaviors, are your sons behaviors typical of the traits of autism.
He is 3 though and at 3 children typically start working on being independent and can be mouthy and inflexible.
I would bet its a little of both
How can I realize that a certain behavior is due to being autistic or it is just a bad behavior that a NT kid can have too.
My son recently is very bad tempered, Gets angry with little things and screams. Tends to say NO! to any request. I am not sure he has the same behavior at the daycare. Any comment?
Hard to say what the cause is
IN our case - no matter the cause - the consequence to R is the same
ie I tend to respond to bad behavior as though R was NT -
Like when R is grumpy or whiny I will say "I dont want to play with you - you are really whiny and unpleasant to be with" ( of course he does not undestand my words but my tone is telling ) LOLI always was being punished for bad behavior , often sitting on the chair for however long, being locked in my room, not being allowed outside to play or not being allowed to watch tv or play the computer or vidio games. Later, it was not being allowed to have the car keys. Definatly, never did I use that as an excuse for anything, nor would my parents allow it, and thats how it should be (lloking back, perhapse back then I woulda thought differently).
Ya, the temper thing, I notice Im far more tempermental then most i know. I think everybody gets angrey but is better at hiding it then I am at least, in traffic, if behind scedual I have been known to yell and show quite a bit of anger, and sometimes people are in the car with me, most would hide it, I dont, and often people tell me to 'chill.' Ive been better then I was when younger over the years, but its something ill always have. Its not the anger itself as everyone has it, but the ability to hide it, or get the emotion under control. Ive always had the issue chillin, or even not getting mad as it helps nothing, yet I must for whatever reason. Frustration with dealing with a situation that is beyond my control, the fact the things are not progressing orderly, are the underlying causes of this kind of anger in me, perhapse it can be similar with your kid>
I am still coming to terms with the "It is not her fault, but it IS her responsibility!" idea.
Flip, though, is right on. Require the child to modify their behavior in response to the environmental causes, but also look at what in the environment might be modified, to prevent recurrence of the behavior.Andrew is doing this, very hot temper, will just scream at me and it is an angry scream. I have talked to all the therapists about it, and they think he is taking his frustrations out on me, cause I am the only one he does this to. DH or a therapist will tell him no and he comes and finds me and screams at me. I tell him mommy does not like to be screamed at, go to your room and you can come out when you are done screaming. Boy he doesn't like that one bit, so I put him in his room and completely ignore him. He does stop screaming and yelling at me and then whimpers and asks for a hug. I guess he needs the reassurance which is fine. It does seem to be working though. They tell me its just a phase, boy I hope so. The one thing the ABA therapist said is that he is very clear about what he is angry about, its not really a meltdown, he's mad about something particular and is letting us know which is what he feels differentiates it from an ASD behavior and he believes it is a typical 4 year old behavior.
I treat it like a NT behavior. Then, I look at the situation and see if I can adjust things so it doesn't happen again. Sometimes, he needs more sleep or a quiet break, sometimes more sensory activities added to the day, sometimes he needs food, sometimes it's difficulty with communication, etc. Regardless, he gets the same consequences.When Sarah's behaviors were getting blurry and hard to detect as autism or nt behaviors we were told to start treating her as nt...first I would try to get her to explain what was bothering her and talk it out first but if if was a full blown "brat" resembling behavior than she had to be punished and get something taken away or time out. It got her prepared for school where that is exactly how they are going to see her..if she is tantruming because she cant stay outside at recess they are not going to excuse it because she is autistic..they are going to take a priviledge away..sticker away or get a mark in her folder...so it is better to get them to learn the reward/consequence mode now:) Good luck!
This is a huge confound with our kids.
I always say to DW and others, "It is so difficult to discern between when he is acting like a three-year old prick and when it is a fx of spectrum behavior and his not being able to process something."
We are going through an HORRIFIC time right now and his behavior is completely off the chain. DW and I have recently stated that we have never seen him act more "autistic" than right now (for lack of a better term).
I have to say that it has only been recently that I have been more stern with him as he has shown more of a capacity to understand sometimes than he lets on.
We were in the car a couple of weeks ago and he was pitching a huge fit. Crying, screaming, hitting and trying to bite. Finally I turned to him very sternly, not loud, but firm, and said, "OK, Daddy is done with this. You get into that car seat right now or no video this afternoon." Given that he only gets one 20-30 minute video per afternoon he was back in that seat like a shot. I was pretty amazed as I figured this was not going to be heard, but...it was.
It does not always work, but as Kajoli noted, I am starting to try to go on the NT side first and then, if I see that it is just not getting through then I start thinking of spectrum strategies.Hi...
I think a lot of the behaviors that our kids exhibit are typical "testing" behaviors.
They are very smart, and know how to push buttons..so, we try to discipline like we would a NT child, but that's where the challenge arises, for us, anyway. Our son doesn't respond to Time out, yelling, bribing, so many times, we are at a loss of what to do.
It will be interesting to hear others suggestions
Oh nakama...we are so in that boat.
Our babe does not respond to "time outs." He would have to be held in the chair and that would kind of defeat the purpose.
I too would love to hear some more strategies though I know this has been reviewed before.
The only thing that worked during an NT type tantrum for me was completely ignoring him. I don't think autistic 2-3 year olds understand the differences from positive and negative attention. Attention is attention.
My son ALWAYS wanted to go to grandma and grandpa's house. Being non verbal he brought me his shoes, all the socks out of his drawers, and the coats in the closet. He banged his head, kicked his feet, hit himself in the forehead. Finally he stopped. The fits got less and less and eventually he learned mom and dad say when I go to grandparent's house.
I always watched him closely to be sure he didn't hurt himself, but our kids are smart and know their limits. IGNORE IT!
That is EXACTLY how my son is! He seems to get frustrated sooo easily and does the high pitched screaming and NO. Someone suggested that I make him a quiet place only for him so I got him the little fold out spiderman couches from walmart and a canvas tote and put a coloring book, pens, a few toys and books. I put it in a quiet corner in our house. We use it to help him to cool off and collect himself when something is frustrating him for some reason or other, which is very often.
If hes acting up and behaving like that simply because he cant get his way (ex. wants candy) he gets a time out for 4 minutes. But other than that he uses his quiet place because he becomes frustrated soooo easily it drives us all crazy but I know it must be hard on him who feel like that often.