Oh you could always say something like - its overdiagnosed nowadays -
Its a great situation you are in ! In every way ! - Dont feel guilty
as a parent. When DD was first diagnosed earlier this year I was SO overwhelmed. I told a few gals that I know in my Mom's group---mainly because their kids had a diagnosis as well. Now I wish that I hadn't. My DD is doing SO well that I'm not even sure she would get a diagnosis if we took her in now. She hardly does any of the things that tipped us off to an ASD in the first place. She still has a major speech delay however she is making HUGE progress. She is pointing, sharing things with me, saying Hi to strangers, playing with other kids, she doesn't spin anymore, etc. To me she seems more ADD/ADHD than ASD. However it's too early for her to be diagnosed.I have thought for quite a while on how to respond to your post.
I am glad for you that your daughter is doing so well. I would like to say that instead of feeling like you "screwed up" perhaps you should just focus on how blessed you are that she is doing so well and not worry about what people will think if god forbid they think she was ASD.
This is a place where a lot of us come for support and many of us are coming to terms with our childrens Autism everyday in so many ways and on so many levels. I know for my part I am trying hard to show the world how very proud I am of my son despite, and inspite of and because of his autism.
If you feel more comfortable with having your daughters issues be under the ADHD/eADD label then perhaps you can also find support on those websites that deal with those issues.
I know there is a stigma with Autism and I know that we all want to protect our children from everything we can, but I can safely say that for most of us the Autism is here to stay. Autism is here to stay in the WORLD. We cannot and should never let what people think affect us or our children. The world has to get used to us and embrace us.
Think of how wonderfull it is that you can say that whatever ASD issues she had have resolved, instead of worrying about whether people will label her ASD or not. Her behaviour and progress will speak for itself.
Try not to feel guilty. You had a need for a support and a place to talk about what you're going through. If you hadn't gotten that support, maybe your daughter wouldn't have come as far as she did -- if we're stressed out or emotionally distraught, it takes energy away that we could be putting into our children.
I am not ashamed by ANY means. I LOVE my DD and love everything she does and stands for. This board has been wonderful outlet for me and I'm sorry if I ticked anyone off by my post.
It doesn't much what everyone else tells you to do with yor own child. Whether it's your MIL or your friends, just smile politely and think to yourself-how sad they think that. It doesn't reflect on you or your child.
When it is all said and done, and she is out on her own, no one can argue the person she has become is because of you!
I have gotten a few ignorant comments to the effect that my son now wasI do understand what everyone here is posting about it shouldn't matter what others are saying. However, when it comes right down to it - it does matter to me and it often hurts. Maybe I will get to a place where it will not bother me as much, but I'm not there yet.
My ds is very mild and completely mainstreamed in kindergarten. I think he will do fine. I don't often tell people about his autism unless they NEED to know - as in, they will be in charge of him for something. I'm not ashamed of his autism, but people are judgmental, we just moved to a new town so I don't know how people's attitudes are, and I like to feel my way around before I go telling everyone and anyone about his diagnosis. Because he is so mild, he mostly passes for NT when we are out in public. I was told by a mom before we got a diagnosis that I should think long and hard about who I tell about his autism. Because when he got older, if everyone already knew - then he wouldn't have a choice about who to tell. And, our dev ped said that he was so mild that the label might eventually be taken off him. I don't think that is the case, but that is just to give you an idea. Our dev ped is very pro-active and he wants to get kids help and not do a "wait and see" approach since early intervention with ASD is so key.
Anyway, that is why I have been so cautious about who I tell. That way, if the label is ever taken off or ds gets to the point where he wants to be in charge of deciding who he tells - he will have that opportunity. I also don't want him to use his label as an excuse. He has Restless Legs Syndrome and he was trying to use that as an excuse for why he couldn't make his bed or pick up his dirty clothes and put them in the laundry basket!
I am a former social worker so I feel somewhat hypocritical about not getting out there and educating everyone about autism. I still do that but don't tell them necessarily that my ds has it. I will probably be lambasted for that, but it is our choice and it is what I feel is best for my ds at this point. We may change our minds at some point - or he may (but at least he will have the opportunity to do so).
When there is a board that has such a wide range of abilities for our kids - there is always bound to be hurt feelings. It is hard for us to fathom how life is when a different child with autism has so different behaviors/issues from ours sometimes. No one is in another person's situation so I hope we can all try not to judge each other. I hope I'm not coming across as doing that in this post either.
The reality is that our children will be judged differently as soon as you tell people about their ASD label. Right now, most people don't think of my son as ASD, they think of him as pretty talkative and a little quirky. We've worked long and hard to get where he is right now, but he was on the mild end to begin with. We will continue to work long and hard. Once he gets to an age where we feel it is appropriate for him to know about his autism (I'm thinking around age 8 or so - basically when he starts asking about why he is different) then we will re-evaluate where we are. I think he gets treated differently when people know about his autism - not always, but most of the time.
Again, we're all in different situations here. I'm happy for the original poster that your daughter is doing so well. She may have been mis-diagnosed. In that case, it probalby is wise for you to find support on a board that deals with the issues your daughter does have. But in the meantime, I welcome you here for support that you need!
Hi hun
god bless you
at the end of the day she does have ASD
no matter what happens in her life
i have as
but i have learnt how to act how to talk how to respond to people and the enviroment
it is not that i am cured or have outgrown the disorder it is that i have adapted and fitted
the more we understand the more we adapt or role play
i have done it for many years and still do
please dont be ashamed
you are a good mum
shell
I completely got what you were saying, twinzrock! I did not for one second think that you were one bit ashamed of ever having the ASD DX. People do tend to compair, I do it myself. It is human nature. I love Abby with all my heart. I am not ashamed at all that she is on the spectrum. But I am not going to sit and act like every once and awhile I wish I did not have to go the extra mile. Things could always be worse. Abby is pretty verbal mixed with some Jargon and she is not shy. So, in some of her classes she is talking alot more then other kids , some of it is hard to understand, some of it not. But I have had comments made to me with what I think with a little bit of Tude behind like, Wow she talks really well. Almost like she does not belong there. I just shrug it off.I worried about the same thing for two reasons. The boys seem to be borderline, one more so then the other. I worry that by having an ASD diagnosis it might effect things like medical insurance in the future. Autism isn't curable, what if he has a hard time getting medical insurance. Also the school, with the ASD diagnsis they could lower the bar, and by lowering the bar say they don't need this or that service anymore because they are doing as well as can be expected. That may be what the teacher was talking about. Not sure. I did decide to go ahead with the ASD diagnosis because our current insurance will pay for ASD related services, ABA and speech, and they would not pay when they were diagnosed developmentally delayed. So I figure it is better for them. I have not told the school, not sure if I will. I might let them come to their own conclusions, we'll see when we have to deal with kinder and 1st grade. We have dealt with our share of comments from DH's colleagues and some friends and family. I have also been told that we will have to lower the bar and how dissapointing it must be. DH and I just looked at each other like what are you talking about they were 2 autism was first mentioned. I wasn't lowering anything at age 2, this woman had never even met my kids. DH gets comments at work, "Your life must be so stressful you know how your boys are." His response was no I don't why don't you tell me since you seem to be an expert on them even though you have never met them. I tell ya, some people.
In southern Ca. if you want services it is better to have a autism/dx than aI hear what you're saying Twinzrock.
I'm very open about ASD and I have 2 nonverbal kids who have obvious ASD issues. So being open and explaining ASD is a much better alternative to ppl's speculation or confusion in trying to engage them.
That being said I also have a dd who's borderline ASD... pdd-nos and I do not generally share that with anyone other than physicians and educators (and anonymously on the board) and a few members of our school age special needs parents group. Not even my dad or MIL know she has a dx mostly because they wouldn't see the issues and I don't want to have to justify it ( I had enough trouble with nonverbal kids
My dd does know she has ASD and it makes it hard for her to understand some things. She also readily accepts it and perhaps has told ppl herself. I believe though it will come up in the future as the gap widens with peers.
Matthew to most that just meet him think he's so cute and he's not THAT