started seeing a shrink today... | Autism PDD

I have a whole family of alcoholics which made me into Mary Poppins..dont drink, smoke or other bad habits..pretty boring:) I dont want my kids to have the horrible memories I had with both parents pretty verbally and physically abusive..I kinda became the opposite extreme by over compensating for my kids and smothering them, spoiling them.  I know I need counseling and probably will in the near future...alot of stuff going on at home but I doubt any therapists can fix.  I am glad you are looking for answers and hopefully some coping skills to help you focus on the important things in life:) Best of luck!!Fred -- don't have time to read all the responses, but I wanted to put in my two pennies. This is GREAT!  To find the time and have the courage to dig up your own issues (don't we ALL have at least some?) is truly being a mensch.  A total stand-up guy. I think this will help everyone in your family in the long run.  Great going!

Very interesting Fred.  Glad you are getting some things checked out. Let us know how each session goes. 

Karrie

That's great that you are trying to find a resolution to your obsessions.

Just curious - did the doctor happen to mention how she felt your obsessions differ from ASD obsessions?

I do not have ASD but I have a tendency to perseverate on things occasionally. I know I have anxiety and sometimes I tend to do obsessive compulsive things as a result of my anxiety. It's a way to try to manage that which I feel is out of my control - for example my son's issues sometimes make me feel that my life is out of control or that I can't "control" his life (in the sense that I felt I could not make him better). So by researching and reading all the time and acquiring info on ASD I feel I'm at least managing the situation.

Unless you had other issues in childhood like lack of eye contact, delayed speech OR out-of-context language/speech, stimming, theory of mind issues, my guess is the doctor may say you have a form of anxiety - just like what I have.

But of course, I don't know your life and history! I hope she is able to give you the answers you are looking for.I hope she's able to give you some answers.

Fred -

I wish you much success in finding peace and happiness.

mj

 

Thanks for the words, folks.  I saw a medical doctor this morning to rule out any biological problems that might be contributing to this.  She's running a panel to see if there's any metabolic or hormonal things going on and I'm also scheduled for a sleep study. [QUOTE=Elle22] Just read all the replies...interestesting about the
children of alcoholics. I know part of my issues w/ depression & anxiety
etc. are genetics (looooong family history of such), but I can defenitely
see how a lot of my OCD & anxieties grew from my father's drinking. As
a child, I feared he'd be killed in a car wreck, he'd be arrested, we'd have
a house fire...the list grew & grew. I tried so hard to make things just
right. I feel bad for the little girl I was--no child should have to live like
that, with those worries & pressures. [/QUOTE]

First off. I have to say I'm sorry you had to grow up like that

Thanks for sharing, because it's a really clear illustration of how kids take
their worries and anxieties about the parents and find ways to cope, and
mimimize stress.

The part about obsessive behavior in adult chidren of alcoholics I posted
before is one of the fundamental issues behind co-dependency and other
more well known issues (obsessively perseverating on someone else and
trying to "fix" their behavior) Or creating little rituals for yourself to
manage your emotional life (trying to calm or detach yourself) can turn
into certain types of OCD behaviors.

It's mainly about "controlling" your own anxiety, if that makes any sense.
Complicating matters further is the fact that many parents drank because
they were prone to depression, anxiety, OCD, etc. So they were
unwittingly modeling poor coping skills to the next generation who were
more prone to these things themselves.

And like emerald mentioned, how she just won't take that ONE drink... It's
common-- a person can understand that one drink won't make them an
alcoholic, but the act of staying away from ALL alcohol helps them feel in
control of their destiny, and manages their fear. That is actually a pretty
reasonable boundary to make for yourself. But, some people have less
reasonable obsessions that can interfere with day to day life, and feel
anxious and out-of-control, say if their house is messy, or they gain a
pound, etc. Others find their calm in rituals or obsessive interests.

just thought I'd share what I learned since so many of you seemed to find
my post food for thought.

And to fred--sounds like you're in good hands, getting very thorough
care, and I'm proud of you for trying to figure out your issues. I do not have a diagnosis of my own but I would never label myself as normal. I think it is great if someone can get up enough courage to talk to someone. Food for thought , most of the time the right doctor for you will feel right the first time you talk with them. The connection should be there from the get go!!!

Good Luck

Mommy to Abby Grace 3yr old with /PDD/NOSHi Fred,

I think you're doing a great thing!!  I hope she helps you to feel better.  I know that
I also worry a lot about my son...what will happen, will he ever be able to speak functionally, will he feel lonely, etc...All of these worries have the capacity to affect quality of life.  I feel that as time goes on, and my son gets older, that things are starting to fall into place.  I still worry, but that won't get me or my son anywhere.
There was a line from a movie, I can't remember the film, but I think it was actually one of those silly teen flicks...."Worrying is like a rocking chair...It gives you something to do, but it doesn't take you anywhere"...  It just stuck with me, because it is so true.

I have come to realize that my son is going to be who he's going to be.  I just have to love and enjoy him along the way.  I remind myself of this often, and it does help.

Good luck to you!!!

nakama
I would whole heartedly recommend a sleep study if you are having any sleep issues. I suffer from Obstructive Sleep Apnea. I have a BiPAP machine to open my airway and let me breath. When I had my sleep study, my heart stopped 120 times in 2 hours. I am on the really bad part of that disorder. The therapist hooked me up to a BiPAP machine and I immediately went to sleep. When I woke up at 7:30 that morning I had so much energy that I did all kinds of chores and stuff when I went home. I felt 10 years younger. I got my own machine that afternoon. I probably would of died of a heart attack if this was left untreated. I was 42 at the time.

Fred, be careful you don't transfer the obsession to yourself and a new messageboard. 

There's a saying ... to get rid of a habit you have to pick up a new habit.  It's choosing the new habit that's the tricky part.

Trying to deal with these "obsessions" - trying to get some objective, professional opinion on whether or not I'm crazy.

I liked her - she seems competent, and didn't yawn a lot or seem preoccupied with me possibly being gay (which I'm not) like the last counseler I saw (when in m yearly twenties for a completely different and much less serious issue).  She said she would give me her opinion after about four, five sessions.

I don't know what she's thinking, but she used an interesting term to describe me pattern of "obsessions" (she made me rehash all of them from my childhood on) - she called it perseverative behavior.  I mentioned that that's mentioned in the DSM criteria for autism and isn't that interesting, and she said that what I have is a different kind of perseveration - not the same thing as what they're talking about with autism.

I also made a remark at the beginning of the session about how I don't pay attention to details (after forgetting to bring all of my insurance and stuff and feeling slightly embarrassed and unprepared).  At the end of the session, she revisited that comment, and said, in fact, I am extremely detail oriented - that my thought process is very focused on detail.  Not sure what she was getting at, but it was interesting.  She didn't reveal much else about what she was thinking - should know soon enough.

I'm playing my cards face up - hope she can help me deal with this a little better for everyone's sake (including my own).

 

Fred,

That is remarkable that you are reaching out, when you figured you need to.  I hope it helps you get to a better place in dealing with life in general.  More than that I hope you will be able to relax and just be grateful for all that's good in your life. 

Concernedpa.

Hey fred. I hope you get some answers. Good for you, for going out to seek
some self-understanding. I find that to be a very admirable thing to do.

I think I see what she means about being very detail oriented in your
thinking.   Forgetting insurance info, or things like that is kind of an absent-
mindedness that goes hand in hand with being perseverative and detail
oriented, IMO. One can be so busy thinking about things, they can forget
about the minutae of boring day to day concerns.

Good luck. I'm interested to hear what she has to say about these kinds of
perseverations.

Fred,

Good for you!  I so hope you have a postive experience with this.  If this therapist can give you some insight that will help you understand yourself better (which in turn may also help your wife understand you better), only good things can come of it.

 

I am happy for you.  I wish I could do the same.  I have to be honest, I wish to God I could get help for my maybe depression or anxiety but I am too afraid, almost too anxious to tell anyone I have a problem.

I tried to call a doctor once but as soon as the phone rang I hung up and cried.  I am too afraid I will cry in the appointment and sound "really" crazy. 

I have obsessions too.  Mostly about my weight, I only feel good being under weight and my mood depends on how clean my house is.  I am a much better person when I have a clean house, I am almost manic when its messy.  And, of course I have an autism obession.  I wish I could "let things go" but for some reason, I cant. 

Well, good for you, I hope this works out for you.  Maybe I will just quit being such a baby and do the same...

Fred, sounds like you have ADHD to me!  Can I be the first one to dx you???

One of the symptoms of ADHD is the ability to hyperfocus on topics of interest (or perseverate) but not be able to concentrate or organize or keep up with other things.

Anybody want to start a betting pool on the dx here?

Just kidding Fred, of course.

I think it's great that you are doing this for yourself and your family.  Good Luck!

I think that is great that you are doing that. I hope it is a good experience for you and she gives you the insight you need.

btw - this is motivated because my behavior is affecting my job and my family - I'm not just doing this out of curiosity or something.  Last thing I want to do is screw up my kids by over analyzing their every behavior or lose my livelihood.

It's funny you all mention that, because if I do have an obsession it's--not turning into my father, who was an alcoholic.  I don't drink because I don't want to become him and it's more of an obsession...I always hear "oh come have one drink" and I'm obsessed with not having that "one drink" because I always think, well it had to start somewhere for my dad.  Sounds crazy, I know.

Anyway, hope all goes well Fred!  Hoping you get the answers you are looking for.

Fred - I just wanted to wish you well.  I hope the doctor is able to give you some clarity.I also think it's great that your seeing a doctor, I hope it helps Fred, I'm sure you already know this, but some obsessive behavior in adult
children of alcoholics, is actually very common.

In these cases, the obsessive and single-minded pursuit of alcohol was the
model provided for how to deal with stress (and more) . Kids learn to hyper
focus on things as a coping skill.

Don't know if that applies, but thought I'd mention it.

[QUOTE=MamaKat]Fred, I'm sure you already know this, but some obsessive behavior in adult
children of alcoholics, is actually very common.

In these cases, the obsessive and single-minded pursuit of alcohol was the
model provided for how to deal with stress (and more) . Kids learn to hyper
focus on things as a coping skill.

Don't know if that applies, but thought I'd mention it.[/QUOTE]

That is very interesting.  I did not know that.  My father and my step mother are both alcoholics, and I, like Fred, hyper focus and perseverate on "issues".... whatever my issue may be at the time.  Currently it's autism...and bipolar.  LOL  But very interesting.  The fact that it's a coping mechanism from childhood kind of makes sense.  Thanks.

Interesting on the alcohol information, my Mom was an alcoholic and a drug user.  I think this had a deep impact on me growing up.  I think I have needed help for a long, long time...Just read all the replies...interestesting about the children of alcoholics. I
know part of my issues w/ depression & anxiety etc. are genetics
(looooong family history of such), but I can defenitely see how a lot of my
OCD & anxieties grew from my father's drinking. As a child, I feared he'd
be killed in a car wreck, he'd be arrested, we'd have a house fire...the list
grew & grew. I tried so hard to make things just right. I feel bad for the
little girl I was--no child should have to live like that, with those worries
& pressures.

I have been in a lot of therapy (as most of you know!), especially in my
teen years. It has helped. A great book, it's a workbook on anxiety &
phobias. Helped me figure lots of stuff out, & move on from it. My
anxiety is a million times better. My OCD is very functional at this point, I
still have weird things I do, but nothing that is disabling anymore. Life (at
least inside my head!) is good...finally. Therapy really can help so much,
meds if you need it, and you really can overcome this stuff.

(((HUGS))) to you all!!!Hey Fred--
Hope the sessions go well & you are able to get some answers or advice,
or whatever will help you. It may be about overcoming some of these
and/or learning how to work with others, turning them possibly into gifts.
Sounds like this doc is good--my dh went to one last year who told him
after 45 mins he "has a major problem w/ authority" which is hilarious if
you knew my dh. So, glad she wasn't making accusations or diagnoses at
the first visit. Let us know how things go...

Also...a bit of advice I rec'd from a shrink about 10 years ago, & I've held
onto it since:

"If you are worried that you are crazy or that you are going crazy,
then you defenitely are NOT insane."

Just wanted to say that it's a great step u r taking. Being aware of the need for therapy is one thing - to act on it requires altogether another spirit. I admire u for that.. good luck
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