school refusal | Autism PDD

This may see harsh, but we have a truancy board that will help parents get their kids to school. The resource office at my former teaching assignment was reat at helping parents with older-schoolage kids. I've seen moms in particular be glad for the back up when their rappidly-growing boys get into this power struggle. I know that when Benjamin wants to 'wrestle' with me about other issues, I can use the name of a man that he and I respect and he gets with the program right away. School is not an issue, but some other things are. Like you, I will have a really big kid on my hands before terribly long. Ben is already 100lbs at not quite 9yo and 57" tall. I am not going to get physical with him now. Do you have someone in your life that holds weight in his life? Boys want to flex their 'man' muscles no matter if NT or ASD.Hm physical? Block it with arm. If that was My kid(he was that sz.) I would drag him by his foot and drag him into the car. I'm not joking! (I'm 5'3 and I can handle 6'2 brother.) I would take away everything except heathy food, no snacks,.tv , fun books etc.

My cousin dragged her daughter down the stairs. Here in certain states they put the parents in jail if the kid refuse to go to school. I am having a heck of a time getting my 10 year old to school. He want's to
make it a fight every morning, and i can't 'man handle him' he's 190 pounds.
I feel like I need to look after my physical safety here. He'll just lie in bed
and read. he's smirking at me when I go in and he grunts at me when I talk
to him. I feel like I need to withdraw all his privileges everyday, and nothing
seems to motivate him to want to go. I'm tired of this.

  Maybe talk with him and ask if anything bad happened at school? Or, if he doesn't tell you whats wrong (typical for our kids) ask him "what is the thing you like the least about school?" "What is the best part of your school day?" and cont. the conversation asking "if you could change one thing about school, what would it be?" From those questions you might get a one word answer, but it just might be enough to figure out what is going on at school.

  If he answered your question about his favorite thing at school, maybe you can talk with his teacher to kind of use that info. to motivate him. Just throwing out ideas here. Hope something helps  :)

 I had trouble with my son getting on the bus,  He would put up such a fight I couldn't physically get him on the bus,  He resisted so strongly.   I called his teacher looking for ideas,   She sent the behavior therapist out a few days later,  She came about half hour before the bus and just chatted for awhile.  Bus came,  she pulled out some candy,  He still put up a fight but not as bad,  from then on he was fine.  

I've also heard of parents coaxing their kids out of bed with a piece of chocolate,  crazy i know,  but immediate rewards in this situation work.  I know they work for me,  and it doesn't have to be candy,  could be his favorite breakfast cereal or snack bar on the way to school.

Best of luck to ya  I guess with the getting physical side, I don't want to teach him that you get
what you want by being bigger and stronger, or by being able to physically
dominate the person who isn't complying with you wishes. I can take him
down if/when I have to 'cause someone is in danger, but as a day to day
behaviour management tool it just seems really short sighted.
And I really don't want to reward him with food... cause 190 pounds is a lot
for a 10 year old to weigh, at 5'2". Clearly he enjoys food but I just don't
want to go there.
School have 'no problems' with him once we get him there... and he enjoys
being there when he's there. He just wants to stay home.
We'll hang in there!

I've only dealt with reluctance to go to school in the preschool to 1st grade years, but this is what I've done:

- Start the day with 5 minutes of snuggling before starting to get ready.

- Try and understand and fix what makes the child reluctant to go.  Maybe even set up a meeting with the teacher that he can participate in.  My son started going to parent-teacher conferences with me and having a voice in his education (after 3rd grade, all kids here are encouraged to attend the conferences).

- Find something they can look forward to.  With my autistic son, it helped to have him make drawings.  He was excited to show them to his preschool teacher each morning.

If being tired in the morning is part of the issue, obviously he might need to go to bed earlier, but maybe he needs a multi-vitamin and maybe iron (anemia?).

Maybe a behavioral contract would help too.  I hope someone can help you find an answer to this, so your son doesn't start trying to use his physical size to get his way with other things, too.  My son is up to my chin on me now at age 9, so I'll be interested in what other advice people have on this.  Good luck with everything.

Can't you get help or advice from his inclusion support people?

Is it the bus?,or somthing on the school ground,maybe he is getting picked on?If he is being good in school ,It may be that.

How long has he done this,If its somthing new ,there is probably something causing it.

This worked for some of the foster kids i had ,set a timmer, say In this time you need to Shower,eat,watch your favorit show ect..  Then we will be going to school,If you are not ready you are going anyway, I will call ____,To come and take you,For me it was a social worker,for you it could be someone he respects ,and Likes.

I have Never had to call anyone.

Good Luck, Let us Know how it goes.

Linda

 

Allegra said
"Can't you get help or advice from his inclusion support people?"
That would mean having an inclusion support person. I have a school that
does not accept the diagnosis. On a recent difficult morning, I got to the
front door of the school, parked the car, took out the keys(important),
opened the front door, put down his school bag,stuck my head into the
office and said, "I need help" The Vice Principle said "I'm not going to
drag him any where" and I said, "well I'm not taking him home, he's not
sick, so he needs to be here." The most she would do was stand near the
door so he could see that she knew he was there. I then unlocked the car,
which he was trying to keep locked from the inside, un-belted him, and
dragged him out of the car. Then I lept back in the car and drove off.

He was fine when we picked him up at the end of the day. I was a
wreck all day.My 10 yr old had this problem in 2nd and 3rd grade...he also took the bus then too!!! The bus had so many noises that he just couldn't take it....I used to dress him kicking and screaming, but he got on the bus!!! We changed schools and I drove him to school and the problem went away!!! The school gave him so much anxiety (all the noises)...He had severe issues this summer, he was unmedicated and that didn't work, so we are back on meds and transitions are much better...
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