I moved my family into our house two weeks ago. I learned last week that the neighbor's 14 year old is autistic. My house has a pool, with a fence, locks and alarms.
Today, while I was in the middle of taking apart the carburetor on the lawn mower, the boy wandered over, walked right past me, reached over the fence, disengaged the child proof lock and alarm, walked straight to the pool, and started undressing. I'm slathered in gasoline, motor oil, and dry grass clippings, and my wife is in the house with our kids.
After 5 minutes of verbal coaxing didn't work, my wife and I spent 20 minutes and three attempts (he kept coming back) to bring him back to his mother. Meanwhile inside our house my 2 year old is screaming, and her brother and sister are starting to freak. So finally while I kept him out of the pool, my wife went over to knock on the door. The boy's mother never left her yard. She told us that we didn't have to come knock on her door, just walk the boy back to her yard and he'd find his way into the house. Well, that didn't work for the last 20 minutes. When we said we were concerned about the pool and his abiltiy to unlock the fence and disable the safety features, she said not to worry, he can swim. Well what the heck about my 2 year old? When we tried to ask her about what to do about the fence issue, she said some things about the neighborhood not being a homeowners association and then walked to the property line, called him like a pet, and walked him into the house. I was speechless.
My youngest is 2, so we pre-planned a system of supervision, locks, and alarms for the pool to keep our kids safe. Now I have to worry that at any time, two of the backup features - that my town actually requires by ordinance - can be disabled at any time without me knowing it.
For the love of God, how do we handle this? Putting up a fence around the pool fence is silly. My brother has an autistic daughter, so I am by no means a newbie. How the heck do I handle this? I understand and I'm a strong proponent of a strong community, but I also know that I have a pool that poses a risk to not only to the boy next door, but to my kids and the other kids in the neighborhood. And I also know I have a basic right to privacy. I know from my brother that the protocol is to keep them safe, try to get the child to follow you (or lead them by the hand) back to their home, and if that doesn't work, call the parents, then the police if there's no answer. I know from experience that at any given moment, an autisitic child can bolt from sight. What I don't know is how to handle this mother. I manage my pet Labrador Retriever better than she manages her son.
Anyone, please, I need advice. I also learned from another neighbor this evening that the mother is notorious in the neighborhood for being unapproachable, to the point that many think she is a recluse. They were surprised when we said she came out of her house. I think she might have some issues also.
Wow, that is certainly a sitution :( It looks like you might not get anywhere with the mom, what about the dad? I know you just moved in, but you might have to get really firm with her as it does not sound like she is all there if you know what I mean. Maybe tell her your 2 yo could go right into the pool when her son unlocks it, and that obviously can never happen again. I also would put a combination lock or even a chain with a lock on it. Then he cant get the gate open unless he cuts it. Then you have a reason to call the police. I know you want to be kind to this family since you have to live next to them, bt I am sure you agree your little ones safety is the most important thing!
What the?????!!??? Holy sh$$!!!!! I'm sorry but MY GOD..That woman obviously has issues. No advise here just "I'm sorry that you have a neighbor like this" comment. And of course...welcome to the board!
Karrie
The first thing I would do is add another lock, that he may not be able to reach.
The second thing I would do is call child protective services. At the very least it really sounds like this mother needs some serious help with parenting skills. You may be wasting your time by approaching her, she obviously seems to think it's perfectly okay for her son to wander the neighborhood. It's inappropriate of this mother to let her son roam the neighborhood without basic life skills.
It sounds like you're handling everything as well as can be expected, good luck.
You definitely have a valid right to be very concerned. Unfortunately, as aSounds like her son is used to popping over for a dip.
Def tell her to explain to him that there are new neighbors now and he has to stop doing that. She may be as sad as he to see the ol country club round the corner close, but such is life.
ETA he may already of gotten the message but I rekon it's best to drive the point home. A pool is quite a big responsibility as well as heaps of fun - enjoy your new home.
I agree that the mother may have undiagnosed or subclinical autism. You may have better luck communicating in written form. When you talk to her or write to her, don't insult her intelligence, but use fewer words and be clear about expectations, so she doesn't have to read between the lines or try to draw her own conclusions about what's expected.
Good luck.
First off I agree with the above poster who said that the kid is proberly used to doing this.
Second I agree with putting another lock in a place that he could not get to .( A friend of mine put an iron gate with jagged edges on top and it requires a key to unlock on her pool gate.)
Third I would install a security camara to record what happens in the pool area so that if something does happen around the pool area you have video proof. Especially when you are not home.(We have had several people put these up when they had some strange things happen around thier pool areas and they actually caught on video people trying to break into thier homes or neighbors homes when they went review thier tapes .)
I would call the police on him if this goes on again because then there is a record of him doing this and it might be the wake up call this parent needs . Also if memory serves me right -child protective services takes the police alot more seriously than they do complaints coming from the average public.
I also would write down and date all incidents that you have like this involving this these neighbors.
feel the main concern right now is safety of your children and that boy. my son autistic and also could figure out any lock. only thing that works is a key dead bolt lock. may be more expensive but peace of mind is worth it. also i am in favor of child protective services to check out childs home situation. he should not be wandering around neighborhood like that. good that you are being a good neighbor and worrying about boy.I would purchase a baby fence for the pool these are very difficult to take down, and also climb...I would not take any chance on your neighbors child coming over and inturn endangering your two year old. My mom has one and keeps it up to keep the grandchildren safe. Even good swimmers can drown
here is a picture of one
http://www.allsafepool.com/pool-fence/
I was thinking that even though this child is autistic, what he is doing could be considered breaking and entering. Even if he is used to doing this with previous owners, they don't own the house anymore! I'm sorry to be such a hard-nose here - but man, these people need a wake-up call! As I said to my son this afternoon - even the BEST swimmers can drown. Especially if they are knocked unconscious.
Anyway, I'm sorry you're in this situation and I agree with both calling the police and calling child protective services.
Wow..it sounds like you handled it great...
I'd definately do a combination lock, or a lock/key combo...that may be enough to deter him. Not sure how crazy you want to get with a fence, but maybe a taller privacy fence may work? Or like the other poster put, a fence with pointy tops to the fenceline?
Best of Luck!
kelly
Tough situation. I agree with all that was said. It seems like the momI'm sure not everyone can afford it, but I'm glad my brother bought a pool cover that opens and shuts with a key. I don't know the brand, but it is machine-operated (not manually) and runs on tracks like a garage door. It's strong enough to walk on. They have a fence, too.
There are great ideas, etc here.....but doesn't it come down to what is a HOMEOWNERS rights of privacy ??
Why can't he exist with his pool and his fences as they are now ? I have a neigbor who is the same, there is very little supervision of her 2 children. One has some special needs ( not sure of dx) and other is just too young to be out on his own. I sympathize with her plight becuase I am in the same boat ( single mom and trying to take care of 2 kids with speical. medical needs) but I don't let them wander all around and just entrust that someone else will ensure for theri safety.
Her son is ALWAYS in my yard....waiting for my boys to play or "picking up" our toys for us ( which usually means bringing to his house). He is a very sweet boy and I don't blame him at all.....I have talked to the mom several times over different situatuons, but it never seems to change.
Aside from builidng a fortress-fence around an entire yard ( including driveway) is there any hope for privacy and respected boundaries ??
I take care of my children and respect my neigbors and their boundaries....it can be very frustrating when others don't do the same....so I feel for your situation ( both sides of it ) because it is the mom's responsibility....not the sons and it isn't fair to YOU or to HIM that she is allowing this situation.
Legally, a pool is considered "an attractive nuisance." That means, the OWNER is legally responsible for making CERTAIN that it is safe from the trespassing of children. This boy is 14. He is STILL legally a child, even if he were fully competent. So that means it's incumbent on you to secure your pool so that this autistic boy (not to mention your own children) will never get hurt. If this boy gets hurt, YOU will be responsible, even if he trespasses, since your pool is considered dangerously attractive to kids. I would call the insurance company and ask what you are legally responsible for doing. I would also call the police and ask them whether you need to call them when this boy enters your property. If they say "yes," write a letter to the mother telling her that you don't want her son hurt, that you've done everything legally and morally possible to keep your pool out of bounds, and that you've spoken to the police who've advised that you need to call them when this boy trespasses. Say that you don't want to do that, but that getting the assistance of the police may be the ONLY way to keep her boy safe, which is your main concern. I know that in NY, all pool owners MUST put up a fence of a certain height, compete with padlocks, around a pool. In your area, I'm sure there are laws that you probably already know about.
I know that you are concerned about this boy. It's a shame that his mother doesn't seem as concerned. But since you can't force her to do anything, your own liability has to be your next concern. If I were the mother, I'd ask to get a BCBA involved to help her learn how to teach her son to not violate your property. If I were you, I'd get whatever protections I could in place.
I think you did the right thing. The combination lock or key lock sounded like a good idea. Good luck.