teacher makes all the difference? | Autism PDD

[QUOTE=emerald_521]

I hope I didn't offend by asking if T was referring to her teacher that way...I didn't mean it as anything other than that might have been where the connection was broken between T and her teacher...

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no this was a general reference (many times!) to her skin color. Don't worry about offending -- you did not! And you DID bring up what might well be a salient point: Mrs. J. grew up within this school district. Probably in the 70s. It was VERY white then. She has been teaching here for 20 + is my guess years, and in the last 5 - 10 it has become increasingly Black, Hispanic, and Asian. Still under 10% total minorities. BUT. I know some of her peers ... they're, como se dice, pretty redneck.

no no no, not offended. I just hope I didn't offend anyone else. See this is a difficult topic because I don't want teach an incorrect label in the efforts of replacing a perhaps non-acceptable, non-typical one. I'm actually going to ack the therapist today what she thinks. Just to make sure she's not offended and if she has a suggestion of how to proceed.

I thought it was cute what my son said. Because in his mind it would be the ultimate compliment. He loves chocolate!

all in the innocence of children and out of the mouths of babes

Ok good...we are all in the same place, lol!! none given/none taken!

It is such a difficult topic with anyone, and then you have to throw in the autism with it and it makes it just that much harder.

I know what you are saying about wanting to get figured it out now, because, unfortunately, there will be a day where someone might take offense, to even something as simple as the way a person cuts there hair (in our case.) We have a hard enough time trying to get our children to be accepted and understood.

And not to change the topic too much here, but what in the world do we do when society itself can't agree on a the correctness of a label, and it's constantly changing...example...mentally retared became mentally challenged, became special needs.

How AWFUL!!! Poor Nikolas. That IS sickening.

I do think our kids are more sensitive to the feelings of others, and they can sense when someone does not "get" them, or does not WANT TO get them, and that is when all hell breaks loose!

Yesterday when I picked up T she had left her lunch bag in the classroom so we went down to get it and ran into her teacher. While there I observed that T:

LOOKED at her teacher, and addressed a question to her, "Mrs. C., do we have art tomorrow, or music?" She did look down in listening to Mrs. C's reply.

BUT, one week ago, when we went back to say hi to her Kg teacher, T WOULD NOT LOOK AT HER!!!! Let alone, say hello. It could be a developmental issue, and she associates Mrs. J. too strongly with her prior difficulties. BUT, I just had a gut feeling about her being a "refrigerator teacher," so to speak.

All last year, I wondered and wondered. I would ask T, do you like Mrs. J.? and she would say yes. I think she is not old enough to understand what is meant by "like ... "

On the way home last night, she announced, "I LIKE first grade!" Wow, this is just SO different ...

I reviewed her dolch list with her, last night, too. There was actual TRIUMPH on her face, with each word she got right!

If it really was "just the teacher," man, oh, man, is she costing them in SERVICES, or what!?!

Linda it was extremely scary, and I plan on mentioning something about it at the next IEP, some of the team members are the same, something somewhere needs to be said about that. When we started private therapy and they brought out the little table and crayons Nikolas litteraly went and hid in the corner and cowarded, crying. I felt so bad cause this was a little boy who before going to this teacher thought sitting at the table and coloring was a treat. It was really sad, the ST said somewhere someone had betrayed Nikolas' trust, not hard to figure out who. So she put the crayons and table away, got out his favorite thing in the world, toy animals, sat on the floor and started talking to me and placing the animals around her, completely ignoring him. You could see his little head peeking out of his hiding place, within 5 minutes he was sitting in front of her, after 15 he was interacting with her, hesitantly but interacting. They started by taping papers of his favorite things on the walls and one marker and just having him touch the paper then giving him an animal to hold, and then make 1 mark and then you can have an animal. Now I get school reports this week that he is not making the slightest protest about sitting at the table, and he is happily coloring and sitting very nicely in his chair. The private ST thinks he was just pushed ruthlessly and was probably physically forced to sit at the table. I do know she overdid the timeout, he would actually fall asleep in time out and she would put him there for stimming. I think they were a bad match, Andrew didn't have that many problems with her, and it was her first year of special ed after like 2 weeks of training or something like that, she had no autism experience at all. I was sickened when I saw him at therapy, I knew he was having a hard time but I believed them when they heaped the entire blame on Nikolas, it was pretty obvious though at therapy something had happened and it wasn't entirely Nikolas' fault. I don't think that teacher meant to do harm, she was honestly trying to help, but she had no training with ASD kids at all and she really didn't know what she was doing and then her and Nikolas just clashed too. he would spit at her, yell at her, openly defy her, absolutely no reports of anything like that this week, not even close, he loves his teacher and would probably follow her anywhere. LOL!

So glad that your little one is lighting up to 1st grade too!

I agree, whether you're asd or shy or have anything that makes you different from the "norm"...teachers do make the difference!

I can't remember where i read this but it was about self esteem. 2 little girls going in class, 1 blonde and blue eyed, the other brown hair brown eyes. The teacher always greeted the blonde girl with a "hello, beautiful" or "there's my sunshine" something extra special.

When it was brought to her attention by the mother of the brown haired girl the teacher was so embarrassed and shocked, she had no idea she had been doing this and corrected it right away.

Teachers are a very big influence.

Payne's mom, it is JUST incredible! I am amazed.

Was telling Dh I almost was wondering if the whole thing was just a bad dream ...

... and then she began perseverating on "tomorrow" and its meaning, all lastevening and into this morning!

ETA: beginner, well, T ain't blonde and blue eyed! (and the teacher IS. I HEAR THAT! Payne was OBSESSED with going to the Transformers movie!

I completely agree Linda...we have only spent a week with Mason's new teacher for his jumpstart program, but leaving kindergarten last year I was really considering homeschooling him because things were getting sooooo bad. I know it was only a week so far, but things have been going good.

Last year at the end it was getting to the point that he would leave on the bus everyday crying because he hated school that much...they kept assuring me that things were better once he got to school, but then later throughout the day he would have many meltdowns and behavior problems.

I don't want to blame his teacher, but there just wasn't that connection between them...I am already seeing a great connection between Mason and his new teacher!

So glad to hear things are starting off so great! I hope it keeps up and keep us posted...this is giving me so much hope for a better year for Mason!

yep the teacher makes all the difference. Amazing last year in sk. And the words and behaviour improved.

In IBI one of our therapists is black. My son thinks she's made of chocolate. Now I don't know if this is why he does sooooo well with her and better than with the other one, but everyday he greats her with , "hi, chocolate." which to him is a compliment, wow, a person made from that wonderful stuff! Thankfully she realizes he's innocent and doesn't mean anything by it. and isn't offended! He loves her!
[QUOTE=emerald_521]

I don't want to blame his teacher, but there just wasn't that connection between them...I am already seeing a great connection between Mason and his new teacher!

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EXACTLY. EXACTLY. EXACTLY.

challenger, there is actually a book called I'm chocolate, you're vanilla! And it is about teachign POSITIVE race attributes to preschoolers![QUOTE=foxl]

T has actually told us she hates her brown skin ... we work hard all the time on avoiding that, but there it is.

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Was T referring to her teacher there?

I am so happy she loves her teacher and I know you are relieved as well:) Last year I was sooo worried that Sarah was going to throw a fit everyday and not want to go to school and visions of her screaming all day while she was there but it never happened..because she LOVED her teacher..she jumped promptly out of bed every morning which was another one of my major concerns. I hope our first grade teacher is as well liked this year..we meet her today:) School starts monday:P we at home actually never refer to a persons background. We never use lables. So we aren't even acknowledging differences. I the other day tried to explain to him that people use the word black. As in that is a black man. this type of "politically correct" lableing takes time. He only started noticing differences last year. It's a work in progress. We aren't biggots in this house. Don't take offence. Children are innocent. It's like calling a brown cow a chocolate milk cow. Children don't mean it as a negative statement. Just means they are starting to become more involved with aspects of their environment. We have seen an incredible change this year too, and I'm not sure if it was the teacher/aide, maturity, a much smaller number of kids compared yet a larger room, being seperated, or a combo of all the above. I keep waiting for the honeymoon to end, thinking it can't be this easy. Nikolas for the first time ever is showing affection for someone other than me, his dad, or his brother or sister. He sat on his teacher's lap and gave her a kiss, he doesn't want to leave when it is time to, his teacher has to hold his hand and walk him to the car cause he won't leave her. This is all a good thing to me, makes me want to cry. We had so many behavioral problems last year and cooperation issues they all but told me Nikolas was a lost cause and needed serious intervention. I thought it was all Nikolas until I spent a summer with private therapists undoing that schools damage. Boy no one could say that this year.

[QUOTE=challenger]we at home actually never refer to a persons background. We never use lables. So we aren't even acknowledging differences. I the other day tried to explain to him that people use the word black. As in that is a black man. this type of "politically correct" lableing takes time. He only started noticing differences last year. It's a work in progress. We aren't biggots in this house. Don't take offence. Children are innocent. It's like calling a brown cow a chocolate milk cow. Children don't mean it as a negative statement. Just means they are starting to become more involved with aspects of their environment. [/QUOTE]

No offense taken! You might enjoy that book -- I know I did! It sounds like you are already thinking along the same lines.

One of the challenges of transracial adoption b y white parents is that we are less sensitive to, and less apt to recognize, racially-motivated remarks or behavior directed at our kids. And the kids DO, and begin to resent our oversights ... but of course you do not want to see racism, where there is none. So it is constant second-guessing ...

Linda -- see that is what is SO scary ... watching the therapist undo DAMAGE. Glad you had one, do it!!!

Personally, I STILL remember my first grade teacher with little fondness!

In our case Mason (and I have posted about this before) had to inform us on a regular basis that Mrs. A says she's a girl but looks like a boy...now I want to believe that she is a teacher of special needs children and understood what Mason was saying and I don't think that Mrs. A was causing the connection being broken because Mason always said this...I just wonder if that was enough for Mason not to connect with his teacher...something as simple as that could have thrown him all out of whack and kept progressing into bigger problems.

Sorry if I offened you Challenger, I didn't mean to pinpoint the color of skin or sound like I was labeling anyone, (if I did.)