After my son got his diagnosis, his teacher approached me and recommended that I share some information with the other parents at an upcoming meeting. The diagnosis was too new to us to be 100% open, and we still didn't know if the MRI or EEG would turn up something that might change the diagnosis, so I kept it fairly vague. A couple parents came up to me after the meeting and showed their support, and I haven't notice any negative repercussions at all. I'll post a summary of what I said on a separate post.
As far as teaching the kids goes, you might find some inspiration under this topic on our forum, with links to free online material geared towards teaching kids about autism.
http://www.autism-pdd.net/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=15359&am p;KW=teaching+kids+about+autism
Good luck with everything.
Below are my main points when explaining the situation in a speech to the other parents when my son was in 2nd grade. It was written and presented in Norwegian, so this is just a quick and rough translation of the main points. I didn't run it past the teacher first, but if I were you, I'd consult the teacher and ask for feedback before sending out a letter.
1) As some of you may already know, my son has had problems cooperating and following rules at school, and has been undergoing evaluation at the hospital.
2) His classmates are very accepting of him, even though he sometimes behaves strangely at school.
3) Some tests remain before we have a final diagnosis, but we already understand quite a bit about how he functions.
4) The most important thing to know is that he gets overwhelmed by too many sensations at once. Most people can filter out noise and irrelevant background, and concentrate on what's important, but our son can't. It's like living in a carnival 24 hours a day. This is exhausting, makes him sometimes difficult to handle, and also means that he doesn't catch everything during class and social situations. Trouble and misunderstandings can easily arise.
5) He has trouble concentrating when he's speaking and therefore sometimes mixes in English words while speaking Norwegian.
6) He gets overwhelmed when there's a lot going on around him, and at school something's going on all the time. The school gives him extra help, supervision and support. He has an assistant, special ed teacher, a private study room and his own computer.
7) The other children might feel that it's unfair that he has these things and they may believe that he doesn't have to follow the rules. If your child comments on or asks about this type of thing, you can say something like this: "Your friend has trouble when there's a lot going on around him, and that makes for a tough school day. The grown-ups know that and are doing all they can to help him. He still has to obey the grown-ups, but they sometimes need to help him by bending the rules a little. Your friend is a nice, normal kid and his troubles aren't his fault."
8) His problems can sometimes result in conflicts or misunderstandings with other children. If your child mentions this, you can answer something like this: "Your classmate tries to be a good friend but sometimes doesn't quite manage it. That's because he has a hard time when there's a lot going on around him, and he gets overwhelmed and upset. Then you need to tell a grown-up. It's not tattling. It's a way of helping your classmate."
9) In conclusion, I want to say that we're very pleased with the school administration and with those who are working directly with our son. They show a lot of good will, and are very good with him.
10) Thanks for listening. Does anyone have any questions? (no one did).
its a very young group of kids. Does the school have a counselor or the sped teacher to sit and explain at the kindergarten age level? with or without an 'about me' letter? or a book? there are books out there geared toward that age group. Its tough, and kids can be mean, BUT- bullying and harassment in schools IS against the law, and while I understand all schools are different, the laws and rules are the same basically.
We did not think of it until 3rd- but last yr a kid in 2nd brought in a book called 'my friend with autism'- we did that book in 3rd. It was a great book and we had a great outcome- and now in 5th- these kids are wonderful to Jeremy. He has 'playdates' now- and kids are awesome with him.
I work in a school in a lunchroom, and quote school rules and have to speak with k-6 children on a daily basis about rules, and bullying and harassment, and the consequences surrounding breaking rules and being unkind.
Thanks.
Gail
and i am going to add that I know its kindergarten age- but it is never too young to get a small consequence for being unkind to a classmate. They need to know it is NOT ok to be cruel to other people.
Teachers have to be onboard as well.
I'm sure you if you write a friendly 'about me' letter asking the parents to actualy get on board and help you get matthew intergrated you will have some mothers more than happy to encourage play-dates with their children etc.. I think a letter is a great idea. Good luck.
BTW the first day is just the first day, you can't expect much, he'll adjust and this is a great age for those social skills to be encouraged.
So sorry you had a rough day. (((HUGS)))
I didn't send a letter. However, when I did let other parents know as opportunity arose. Typically this happened around birthday parties. In kindergarten, all the kids had parties and invited the whole class. Most mom's would say "you're welcome to leave him here and come back." I would then explain C's dx and say that he's always been fine at parties, but in case there is an incident that I should be on hand to deal with it. About 2 months into the the year I was hanging with a bunch of mom's at a birthday party and one mom was bragging about how lucky she felt that her son got in the class that had a teacher and a wonderful aide, while the other classes didn't have aides. Another mom started to get pissed that her son's class didn't have an aide. I had to fess up and explain that the "wonderful aide" was actually my son's 1:1 aide. I always found the other parents to be empathic and supportive.
Kindy can be a rough transition for many kids, NT or ASD. Don't assume that every day will be like orientation. It will get better. And if it doesn't, then the team needs to reconvene and figure out how to make it work better.
I'm really shocked that kids in PRESCHOOL were making fun of him. I would talk to the teacher about watching that closely. That's awful young for making fun.
I think if you are seeing a potential benefit to sending a letter, you should probably do it. I think that writing a letter directly to the parents explaining autism, and EMPHASIZING that your son would LOVE to be invited on playdates and to parties, etc. You could also give the teacher a book such as the one mentioned above or "MY Friend with Autism", etc. and include in the letter that if anyone is interested in reading it to their child, they can borrow it from the teacher.We didn't do this, but a little boy in my son's K class 2 years ago did. He wasn't ASD--but had a peanut allergy. So-----the little boy actually wrote a letter himself telling the kids that he can't eat anything with nuts in it(class parties, etc). It was really cute. I explained it to my son that he can't eat certain food like him(at that time).
It's a good idea---but----ask yourself what purpose would it be to let the rest of the class know? Are the parents understanding---or would they be more rejecting and your child would have a worse time.
I'm sorry to hear the orientation didn't go well. I've never sent any sort of "About Me" letter to school, but I have considered it. A while back, Larry King had some guests on his show discussing autism. One was an actor whose name escapes me. He said that they always sent a letter of introduction to their daughter's classmates. They found it to be a very positive experience because of the support they got.
There is a book called The Autism Acceptance Book that is geared for kids. I've seen it recommended a lot. I have even thought about the possibility of reading the book to my son's class at some point.
This might help you with some ideas :)
http://www.asw4autism.org/aswnews/news1101.htm
It has been a while since I posted. Matthew had kindergarten orientation today. I honestly feel like I went into it with realistic expectations but it was just awful. Matthew was socially inept, complained loudly throughout the proceedings and could not be redirected. He exhibited some of his worst behaviors and alienated quite a few of his new classmates as well as some of the parents. Obviously his teacher knows about his diagnosis but his classmates and their parents do not. Has anyone put together an "About Me" type of letter and asked the teacher to distribute it to your child's classmates explaining some of the behaviors and nuances of autism? If so, how did it work out? I don't know if this is a good approach but I feel like if the other parents had some additional insight into why Matthew behaves the way he does, they might be able to explain it to their children on a level that they can understand. It's so difficult to know the right thing to do. I just want my little boy to have friends. He came home from preschool last week and told me that the kids make fun of him. When questioned about it, he just changed the subject. My heart breaks each and every day for him.