one of these mom’s | Autism PDD
Yeah my dd has some splinter skills that are pretty impressive, maybe I should go on and on about that. Give her a 45 minuet update about my dd's progress and such.
When I brought up my son's sweet splinter skills once when I was felling overwhelmed with their bragging it caused them to buy new books and start studying to catch up. (spells over 100 words, reads at a first grade level and is only 3) I just have to laugh and keep my mouth shut.
Oh yeah when she found out my dd had an IQ test she started asking me what kinds of questions they asked. LOL I just know she would of had that poor kids studying away!I try not let someone make me feel bad about my child or myself by what they say. i just try to let people blow off some steam and go my merry way.abby
I think I agree that she is just self absorbed and clueless. It seems that she is so afraid that anyone could be different or better than her so she makes a point to let everyone know how great she is and how great her son is. There is a point though that she is not realizing by forcing her son to grow up he will never be a child and will need lots of therapy in the future for all the complexes he is going to have. I would personally just ignore her or give it right back and brag how fantastic my child is. I don't think you really appreciate every milestone your child makes until it isn't there.
Kristy sorry about the church thing I know the feeling with mine because they adults aren't able to handle both either. So my husband and I have to sit in with the Sunday School class in order to get them to participate or even just sit and listen with the other things. Hope they can figure it out so that your ds can go to sunday school without any problems.
I volunteered last weekend at my church's nursery care and one of the kids I think has Aspergers (sp?). He would go nuts if the other kids didn't follow the rules and actually started pulling another child's hair. It was hard to deal with two ASD kids. My dd isn't violent but she will wonder off. It was pretty exhausting.
Father in Law's partner is very much like this when talking about her grandchildren. She goes on about how early they were potty trained, how good they were at talking to people from an early age, what they've achieved. She says this after I've told her that no, Tom isn't ready for toilet training yet, that no, he still can't tell people if he's thirsty and that we are working on him not ripping up his books and pouring water all over himself deliberately. One of these days I will snap and ask her just when her beloved grandchildren won the Nobel Peace Prize
I MAY USE THIS.
[QUOTE=MamaKat]
But I said, "Well, myson doesn't like other children. He likes light
switches."
Talk about deafening silence!!!!!
That is awesome!!!
For my dd it's plastic bugs, I may have to use that.
Jakeysmom...I agree with WIMomOf2. I dont' think she would say those things if she had a problem with your son. About her wanting her child around NT children...honestly I don't blame her. If her son mimicks the behaviors of other children then he may possibly pick up on certain social cues from mimicking NT children. Something he nor your son can get in a self contained classroom. I have always wanted Adam to be in NT classroom settings and since he has been is when he has made the most social gains. I mean right away..like days after he moved to a typical preschool class for the first time..he came home using social phrases in context....things he had never done before. Now don't misunderstand what I am saying. School is work to me and I happen to believe that my son does better and learns more socially around NT children. He has friends that are on the spectrum though that come here or he goes there for playdates.
Karrie
Self-asorbed, clueless and very insecure. I have known two people likethat and I realized after a while that they just have that kind of deep
insecurity that nothing will fill.
You could be a nice person and say "Your kind is just really wonderful, so
smart and beautiful' or you could be a bit more direct and devious and
and say "I'm sure he will be fine".
That light switch comment is the best. I will file that one away!Do you all think it is possible that some of these people...being aware of the diagnosis will overcompensate because they don't want to treat you differently and make the mistake of gabbing on and on about their own child's development out of nervousness? Just a thought. Oh...and remember I said SOME...not all...lol
Karrie
Well that's a positive thought.
I don't think that's the case with the mom I'm dealing with.
[QUOTE=swankyankee] Anytime I've wanted to enjoy deafening silenceall
I've had to say is "my daughter has autism". Maybe this will stop working
after awhile but it really shuts people up now.[/QUOTE]
HA!
I find that some parents actually get upset or defensive when I say my son
has autism, like-'why in the WORLD would you tell me that?????' I think
they
feel put on the spot because they don't know what to say.
I admit that I once said to one of those braggy moms when she was going
on about her son's social development (and it was at the age where it was
getting a little painful to watch his NT peer...I'm more 'down with it'
now...)
But I said, "Well, myson doesn't like other children. He likes light
switches."
Talk about deafening silence!!!!!
Terrible, but I got something out
of my system that day. OMG! MamaKat - that is hysterical! And only a joke that us moms who have a child on the spectrum would find funny!
Brilliant!
I have a friend that I met through my sons school and her son has PDD NOS with behavioral issues. He is socially more advanced then my son but has his own issues that she is still dealing with one of the main ones being is that he is impulsive and is very aggressive with other children.Anyhoo, she is soured by the school our children are in because she feels that the teacher we had, didn't deal with her sons behavorial issues correctly and is going to pull her son out because she wants her son around typical kids, says that her son is mimicking all of the other kids behaviors and will send her son to an NT Nursery School with a Seit. That's cool if that's what she wants to do but when she keeps talking about how her son is mimicking all of the other kids behaviors and she doesn't want that, it's like hello my son is one of those kids. The last time we had a playdate, I noticed her son was a more aggitated and impulsive then I have normally seen him, both of our kids were acting up because the place we went to is definitely a bit over stimulating but she was having a hard time keeping him in check and I never really saw that before in all the play dates we have had.
But because she has been talking about how she wants her kid around NT kids, I feel self conscience because I feel like she will now blame my kid for him acting that way, like see he was around Jake and that's why he was like this. Even with Jake crying about wanting to go on some of the rides again and crying a bit because he didn't want to wait in line, I had a really good time with him. We did alot that day, he road a pony for the first time.
I really like her and I don't think she is thinking this way and we have a nice relationship, I guess now I am feeling insecure because of her situation now.
Her POOR, POOR, son! Sounds like he is destined for a nervous breakdown ...
[/QUOTE]
You got that right Fowl, she pushes him hard to excel already. One of his teachers at preschool was being hard on him, to the point of verbal abuse in my opinion, and she was like, well it's OK now because he is acting more mature now. Her son who is almost four was already having mightmares about his teacher. So that kind of says something right there. I would of pulled my dd out of the class if that was happening.
I'm just going to have to avoid talking to her from now on.
My vote: self-absorbed and clueless.
If the person going on like this was a close friend of yours, or a family member, then I think you would need to have a heart-to-heart talk about it. Given that this is just someone who you child takes a class with, I'd just avoid her.
I know how hard it is to do the avoidance dance. My boys were in gymnastics this year, and we (my nanny and I) had a situation with another parent in the class as well. This woman overheard my nanny explaining to the teacher about C and just glammed on. When my nanny is watching gymnastics, this woman talks to her nonstop about her son, when I went a few times, same thing. Here's the rub. This other woman has a child same age as R & C, who she suspects in on the spectrum, who she has never had diagnosed, who goes to no therapy, had no EI, who she held back from starting kindergarten but didn't send to preschool, who she can't leave with a sitter because noone who has watched him has agreed to come back for a 2nd time, and the child is explosively violent and on no medication. She shared all this with me in the 1st 10 minutes we met because she thought I'd understand since our kids are so much alike. Huh?
To be honest, I think it just seems like parents are talking about it so much, because we notice that topic more than others. If my ds didn't have delays, I doubt I would notice how often other parents talk about their own childs progress.
And it is painful, to see the gap widening. My son is 3 also, and now when he is with his peers, it is painfully obvious that he is not any where near his peers are. When he was younger, it was much easier to brush it off as, he is a late talker.
Now it stings a lot more. I never noticed how different my son is, until we go to a playgroup. To me he is the normal one (it is what I am use too), and all the NT kids his age shock me with all the phrases and social ablitys they have, lol.
I think maybe it will jsut take some time to get use to these things, and to learn how to handle ourself, and check our emotions, when we are in a situation like that.
Even if I didnt have a child on spectrum this person would get on my nerves. She needs to read "The Hurried Child!"
I actually had a ABA therapists send pics of her daughter to me with a note of what a social butterfly she was and talking way above peers..pretends plays all day long...ect... I thought for sure she would be more sensitive to me to tell me these things~I am overjoyed for her dd but it rubbed me wrong and seemed almost cruel. I felt she trying to reassure herself that her dd wasnt autistic or something?
That always bothers me too. Totally cluesless. I have a relative who sends a letter and photo update of each of her children. When they are babies, it's every 3 months, then 2 twice a year once they hit preschool. The letter is written in the voice of the child and goes on and on about how smart and gifted they are. Ugh. One of the kids is the same age as my ASD son and I'm so tired of hearing how advanced he is. [QUOTE=ShelleyR]Even if I didnt have a child on spectrum this person would get on my nerves. She needs to read "The Hurried Child!"
I actually had a ABA therapists send pics of her daughter to me with a note of what a social butterfly she was and talking way above peers..pretends plays all day long...ect... I thought for sure she would be more sensitive to me to tell me these things~I am overjoyed for her dd but it rubbed me wrong and seemed almost cruel. I felt she trying to reassure herself that her dd wasnt autistic or something?
[/QUOTE]
I was thinking EXACTLY THAT, Shelley!
Your ABA sounds like a clueless .... rhymes with WITCH! Or yeah trying to reassure herself, in which case she is usign you in an insensitive way.
It may not be common knowledge ... but surely, she can SEE your daughter is not interacting with the orther kids?
The woman sounds like a compulsive talker. I would try to discourage her talk if it were me.
Her POOR, POOR, son! Sounds like he is destined for a nervous breakdown ...
She's just a bragger...I would just let it slide. I know hearing about how far ahead other kids are is hurtful, but I've come to realize that other parents don't do it to hurt us, they are just bragging about what they find important in their own kids.In general, parents of NT kids just don't get it, and we can't expect them too. It's unfortunate, but true..
nakama
KristyS-
Is she stalking you now??
Payne's Mom,
I've only run into her at church twice so far and have managed to avoid in depth conversation. She appears to be quieter about things when her husband is with her thank god.
However, her son is now in Sunday school with the boys and I'm really nervous about that. The volunteer parents who teach aren't really equipped to deal with 1 special needs kid. Now to put two in the same room, especially two that don't really mix very well, I think is going to be a recipe for disaster!
[QUOTE=ShelleyR]I actually had a ABA therapists send pics of her daughter to me with a note of what a social butterfly she was and talking way above peers..pretends plays all day long...ect... I thought for sure she would be more sensitive to me to tell me these things~I am overjoyed for her dd but it rubbed me wrong and seemed almost cruel. I felt she trying to reassure herself that her dd wasnt autistic or something?
[/QUOTE]
Adam had a teacher that taught children with Autism. And we became pretty close at one time. She had a baby also close to Addison's age and she mentioned a lot about her babies development and how well it was going. She would talk specifically about things that she was doing like convincing herself that her daughter was not showing traits of autism. I think it's because she works with Autism everyday so it's her job and she almost couldnt' help but question her own childs development.
It didn't bother me...it never has or does when people do this. Mainly because I had 2 NT children before having Adam. Also I find that alot of people with just one child do this (bragg) alot. I was very much consumed with my first child before I had any other children. I thought he was the best child ever...and no one else's child could compare. LOL
Karrie
[QUOTE=abbytherabbit]Oh yeah when she found out my dd had an IQ test she started asking me what kinds of questions they asked. LOL I just know she would of had that poor kids studying away![/QUOTE]
My relative is a psychologist who wanted her son in kindergarten a year early. She called the school as a psych and asked which tests they used. Then she practiced with him. She told him only the good boys win the prize of going to kindergarten early. Of course he passed.
[QUOTE=snoopywoman] Mamakat - that line seriously popped into my headseveral times today and made me laugh each time! Thanks for making my
day![/QUOTE]
yep, a comment only we could love
so nice to be understood here.
as for that kindergarten story: LORD HELP THAT FAMILY. I cannot imagine
what drives some folks.
I have friends parents of NTs who play my child is better than yours with regards to my NT kids. It can be a bit too much for me sometimes. Then when they find out my child has done something nice, like get an award they seem surprised and say I did not mention it, usually it's because I had no room to chip in. It does get too much sometimes, I listen to as much as I can, and respond with compliments for their kids. I know within me that mine are doing well too. I complain only to my dh.
Concernedpa.
[QUOTE=flip][QUOTE=abbytherabbit]Oh yeah when she found out my dd had an IQ test she started asking me what kinds of questions they asked. LOL I just know she would of had that poor kids studying away![/QUOTE]
My relative is a psychologist who wanted her son in kindergarten a year early. She called the school as a psych and asked which tests they used. Then she practiced with him. She told him only the good boys win the prize of going to kindergarten early. Of course he passed.
[/QUOTE]
That is wrong on so many levels, I honestly wouldn't know where to begin!
WIMOMOF2--I hear you. But, hey it's family and I have to see them a lot. That's why I stopped talking of my son's successes to them. I get pulled into the contest.
I stopped talking with a friend last year because I couldn't take her nonstop bragging. She is actually a nice lady, but I didn't feel that she got that a mom who has had her child in speech since 2 (this was even before I had PDD concerns) does not want to hear about all the great things their child is saying. I just feel like there is that sensitivity missing and couldn't deal with it anymore.Shall we even go into those awful holiday letters that people send out acting as if their family has had THE most wonderful year and WAY better than anyone else has had? You know, the trips backpacking all over Europe, winning the National Spelling Bee, etc. yada, yada, yada! I absolutely HATE those! I do the letters and I don't include anything about ds' diagnosis ever. Just kind of what he likes and minor things (to most others) like learning to ride a bike. Just a way of keeping in touch - not bragging all over the place (and probably exaggerating like crazy as well!).Wow ...Imust be a loser too....I don't even do Holiday cards.....lol.....and come to think of it I can't remember the last time I gave I gave school pics of Quinn to friends and family....wow I guess I really am a looser....lol....but that's ok....Atleast my mom wont be bragging about me.....lol
Oh my - the holiday letters! The hair on the back of my neck is standing up just thinking about it.
I have an old friend from college who sends the most bizarre letters. One year she sent a letter that discussed how their entire family (3 children) relish the time they spend together in their "family bed" and it makes them so much closer than other families. And how her 2 year old is growing so fast but she cherishes their "nursing relationship" and is hesitant to give it up. She talked about how her 6 year old chose to have a birthday party without gifts for himself and instead had all of the other children bring gifts to be donated to charity. She also mentioned exactly how much weight she lost, and how she grew her hair out to donate the hair to Locks of Love. How she quit her job since raising children is the world's most important job and she couldn't imagine not doing it herself. And of course, her oldest childs induction into the gifted program at school.
Note: I have no issues with co-sleeping, or breastfeeding, or charitable giving, or stay at home moms, and I'm glad she has a gifted child. I just question the judgement of calling these things out in a holiday letter that is sent to everyone she knows. I remember reading it aloud to my husband and saying "wow, I guess I'm the big loser!"
My SIL writes a satirical holiday letter, each year.
Think, "My juvie delinquent beat up your honor student!" I was thinking of something like that ... about T memorizing the entire script of her favorite movie this year ... LOL!
[QUOTE=foxl]My SIL writes a satirical holiday letter, each year.
Think, "My juvie delinquent beat up your honor student!" I was thinking of something like that ... about T memorizing the entire script of her favorite movie this year ... LOL!
[/QUOTE]Foxl - I love it...idea is sprouting for us...mind if I steal the idea?
I think we could come up with a jointly-produced letter!
... in my list of Tuhina's strengths, I stated that "she is never bored." Funny, it did NOT get into the IEP!
I hope my post didn't offend anyone....I was in a super silly mood last night.
If I did one of those holiday letters...I could write how Quinn mastered using the toilet and no more accidents since June....and how he can recite word for word every Spongebob episode that he has ever seen.
OFFEND? Oh, heck NO!
We could say Tuhina added a new FOOD to her repertoire ... like, say, Rice Krispies?
I think this is great - we need to let out our silly sides once in a while and I definitely needed the laugh yesterday!...or maybe his fondness for chicken nugget lunchables?... is finally mastering sleeping IN HER OWN BED!
(not DD but DS) has managed to decrease tantrum times to ten minutes, without destroying property!
The incident reports from KinderCare are finally beginning to decline!
-- We are happy to say he has moved from hitting and kicking his teacher, to jsut yelling at her!
funny !!!I once had a lady tell me her grandkids were smart as whips. This was at the same time her daughter was asking what is wrong with my daughter. It made me feel bad but the old hag is bipolar. So I smiled and let it slide.
I think everyone has to deal with braggers. It reminds of this episode on Fosters. I know a kids cartoon the hiccy burp.
Tuhina figured out EVERYONE's gender this month! She sat at the dinner table with our out-of-town family, and pointed (yes, POINTED!) at each person and announced, He has a penis, she has a vagina, she has a vagina ... the Chinese waiter found it oh, so funny.snort
Quinn has not worn a pull-up since June
.......DS has slowed down on running down the street, now he just wants to see what the neighbours have in their house.
Concernedpa.
...he has learned he is a boy...and acknowledges it by running through the house naked singing "my tinkle, my tinkle"The Holiday letter ideas are hilarious guys - thank you for the laugh.
Glad to amuse a little.
Exciting News - He hasn't humped the couch in months!
Having been head-butted in the stomach (it was an accident - the child threw his head back and I happened to be behind him) while pregnant with ds - I think that was a wise decision and I can't believe they wanted to place him there!OMG talk about bureaucratic BUNGLING! What a rotten thing to do to her!!!
Sam has definite issues, NT or not ... we are trying to get him into Speech as he is VERY hard to understand and we think it is a source of his anger.
[QUOTE=WIMomOf2]Exciting News - He hasn't humped the couch in months!
[/QUOTE]
This year, Tuhina has learned to distinguish private from public activity I know that the communication issue (even though Payne talks - he doesn't USE the language - if you KWIM) is what really starts the frustration and then he starts hitting/kicking/etc.
Yeah, with Sam it was the total transition package -- he was relinquished at 14 mos and in foster care for 10 months, heard only Spanish, we got him at 2 yrs exactly and he pretty much had to learn English. He has had a very harsh babyhood, poor lamb.Oops...sorry about that.
OMG! That reminds me...last year they were trying to move Payne into a different class...a smaller class...I told them I would go to the meeting, but I didn't think it was necessary and that the teacher was just tired of him. I walked into the potential placement to find a VERY pregnant teacher with 2 aides...2 kids couldn't walk without the aides holding them up, the teacher pushes a kid in a wheelchair and then 3 other kids VERY affected - with what not sure. They were like trees - no movement - just there. I went into the meeting and once the preg. teacher realized what they were trying to do me & her both started saying how bad that would be...I point blank said..."I would feel really awful if in one of Payne's moments (that's what we call his meltdowns) he hauled off and kicked her right in the belly and then started running away. How is a preg. lady who just got socked in the stomach and 2 aides who would have to drop the 2 kids go running after him? Not to mention the cost to the in-utero baby?"
Hey, now...THAT is an improvement...they won't kick her out for yelling but they will for kicking and hitting.
(Payne's mom -- it's my SON -- and he actually kicked a PREGNANT teacher!).
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