Obsessions | Autism PDD

There is a common underlying theme that runs through all of the posts on this particular thread, and it boils succinctly down to two words: control and helplessness.

It is part of the human mindset to desire control over all aspects of our reality...our ability to choose our livelihood, govern our behavior and thoughts (and often the behavior and thoughts of those around us), control our destiny, etc. Regardless of the fact that control is actually an illusion, human beings strive constantly on both the conscious and subsconscious levels to have "control." A sense of helplessness creates panic (particularly in the male of the species!

Karrie

No...I worked when Payne was in the hospital - I wasn't allowed to be in the psych ward...kept my mind pre-occupied. I understand.

I definitely understand what you are saying Karrie...I am the same way...I use this as an outlet too. I have made some good friends here and sometimes just talking helps.

I do the same thing though, with scrapbooking etc...I will start it and do it all the time for about a month...then I switch to something else...lately it's been painting. But again, I don't look at these as obsessions because I still get the other things in my life done...it's not interferring to drastically. It's just an outlet from the stress of being a mom, wife, woman! '
Personally I think most people will develop a deep interest/obsession with
something at some point be it a wedding, remodeling project, hobby...
I always thought of people who totally get into something as the more
interesting ones. Both my parents always had collections and special
interests and it has made their lives a lot more interesting and
purposeful (as well as made my dad kind of famous in his little biology
specialty for discovering a new species).
Now getting obsessed with autism is an obsesssion that I think is more
worthy than a silly wedding. I think when you get any kind of major
diagnosis for yourself or your kid, a person will either go into denial or
do anything the can to learn more. Parents on this board are in the
second category. It is perfectly natural and healthy and functional to
develop this kind of time-limited obsession. 7 month ago I knew next to
nothing about autism and now I am able to wrap my head around what it
means, advocate in school (huge issue/big deal !!) and help my son figure
out his set of challenges. I am not looking for a cure, asd is part of him
and I'm okay with that. I imagine that in about six month I will be able to
read fiction books again instead of books on autism but for right now I
am perfectly happy to indulge my obession because it serves a purpose.
Over my lifespan my life will have balance but in between are going to be
periods where I developed obsessions because I needed to.
So - I'm not offended but I disagree on behalf of about 99.5 parents
here. I think a time-period of obsessing on autism is completly natural,
functional and helpful. I'd worry about people who get an autism
diagnosis for their kid and it does not take over a year or so.

I'm not offended--I am enlightened. I am glad to see you here again. I have always "liked" you (heck I don't even know you!) because of your attitude. Thank you for such a great post--ya'll come back now, ya' hear?

Same with my dh...he leaves all of the "autism stuff" to me.

But just to add my 2 cents, lol...I don't look at it as an obssession...I'm not obssessed with trying to fix Mason...but it is definitely high on my priority list. I am going to do all I can to help him and yes I spend many hours of my day, making PECS or browsing the web, coming here looking to see what others say about things Mason is doing. Only difference is I'm not going to fall apart or go crazy or anything else if it doesn't happen. I have accepted who Mason is and if things get better for him, I will jump for joy, and if not I can still look back and find the things that did get better...he is making progress whether it will ever be enough to remove that label (sorry probably shouldn't go there, lol) or not I am still going to do all I can to help...I don't think that's an obssession, it's loving your child.

Micki...I think maybe you misunderstand my message a bit.

I think the obsession with this is natural and to some extent good...it is when it is to the detriment of all other things and when it becomes that thing that defines you.

As I stated, if it becomes one of those things that you actually cannot do without (and therefore when you hear that a "cure" might have been found or someone is "off the spectrum" and that seems wrong to you) then it is actually antithetical to the purpose that bore it.

I think I further noted that I too will continue to look for the "grail." No one should ever give that up.

I am sorry if the points were misconstrued.

THANK YOU for reminding me that my son is my son and not a diagnosis. And that I should continue trying to help him, but not let it define my life or that of my family.

But, I think I DO need to take a break - not ocmpletely, but backing off. School is starting soon - which is why I've probably been ramping up my postings as I'm nervous about that. But, I need to get the kids ready for it too - more than I have been. We are going to do several fun things this week and next so I won't be on nearly as much as I have been these last few weeks.

Thanks for your post and the reminder!

Great post camusa thought provoking as always

No offence taken I'm assuming that when someone's obsessed it's like they're high and constantly chasing the dragon. I've heard of these types of feelings of obsession and deflation before where it happens to brides (bridezillas) who obsess over every detail of their wedding and when it's over they're a bit depressed (marriage isn't exactly a party) because there's no more 'queen for a day".

It's important to find balance in all aspects of our lives.
Turtle39316.2743402778SMOOCH!

If not...so be it:

fred-what you note is OCD. You say-"no compulsions," but you further state the needing to research, go to "antique shops," read, leave work early. These are all compulsions that are employed in an effort to relieve the anxiety caused by the obsession. That is the nature of OCD. You have defined OCD in your own description as stated in the DSM.

What you are trying to make analogous though is pertinent in that many of us who have indeed become "obsessed" with finding answers to our quandaries regarding the "spectrum" and our children, but I think if put into the context of parental concern, hope, fact-seeking and a need to understand it can be seen in a different light.

There are those that use these pages and the tools at our disposal that are truly trying to educate themselves and arm themselves and their families against a world that may or may not understand our unique (or given the current statistics...not so unique) circumstances.

There are those of us here who are indeed "obsessed" and live on these pages, live on this forum and do nothing else with our time save try and find a "cure" as it were.

The latter example is, of course, not healthy and is an obsession. It may be borne of good intention and a love for our children, but becomes detrimental nonetheless...to our mental health and other.

"The behaviors or mental acts are aimed at preventing or reducing distress or preventing some dreaded event or situation; however, these behaviors or mental acts either are not connected in a realistic way with what they are designed to neutralize or prevent or are clearly excessive."

The problem is that they usually lead to more stress...as we all know.

Is this a fetish?

I don't think so though I think it becomes a personal crusade and it can be called an obsession without pause.

I am going to take a chance by telling my own analogous, real life story and hope tat I don't offend, but on the off chance I do...sorry for that, but try and figure out, "why" it offends you.

I had a summer romance one time with a girl who was adopted. She was "obsessed" as it were with finding her birth Mom. She said she was not so much interested in Dad [for some reason that we never quite got to], but she needed to find Mom. This beautiful young lady was 21 years old (yes, I was in my twenties too at the time you cheeky little monkeys) and had a wonderful home life prior with her adopted parents, but she just had to meet her birth Mother.

During the time we were together she found her Mom! She was so excited. She could not wait. They planned a date. She was ready. She brought a camera. She could not be more tickled. I was very happy for her.

The day came. She went with her adoptive Mother and they had an amazing day. She came back to my apartment that evening and told me everything. We got the pictures. We watched video. It was just marvelous, but I had some trepidations. I will get to that.

The next day came and she seemed a bit deflated. She did not seem as passionate...it was almost as if she had lost something! HOW ODD eh?! She had just found something! She had just found the object of her long-time search. She should be happy, but...no...she seemed a little "emptier."

Why? Because...her quest was over. That which she had built her entire life upon over the past decade or more had come to bear fruit and now the quest was over...the answer found...the holy grail uncovered and the great adventure had come to an end. I had been afraid of this given how she reacted to the news of finding her Mom. It didn't seem so much like she found her Mom as uncovered some long sought after jewel and now that she had it...where was the meaning in life? This quest defined her! She allowed it to define her.

You know what she did next and I don't even need to tell you...she decided she wanted to find her Dad. She never cared about this before, but now she did...kinda...not really, but...what else was there to define her at that point?

I think this is a common malady on this board. Again, I take the risk of offending, but...hey...I wouldn't be me eh? So many posters I see here get up in arms if anyone mentions that someone has been diagnosed as "off the spectrum" or that there is a "cure" or that there are "alternative therapies" which may be helpful. Many people on this board have decided how it is and will see no other way. Some claim that they need empiricism and even when the empirical evidence stares them in the face they are afraid to look and WHY?...Because that person has let the spectrum and the search for the answers on the spectrum define who they are and are afraid that if they actually find real answers...their meaning in life will cease to exist.

Find the meaning in yourself.

In the meantime I will continue to strive for the grail, but at the same time...live my life and my son, who is my son and not a diagnosis, will live as blissfully as the world might allow...carved by all hands concerned including his own.

Be well all...and do believe...miracles do happen and don't let the doom and gloom define you.

WHERE would humanity be without some "obsessive" schmo who decided (for one example) to sit and chip, chip, chip at a piece of chert until he ended up with a sharp edge?

And then there is Michaelangelo. In the Agony and the Ecstasy, the line, I believe, was "When will you be finished?" ...

Interestingly, DW never has become obsessed with ASDs. I do not think she see's it, in our case, anyways, as something that's severe enough to warrant the kind of all consuming perseveration

Even my DH is the same way Fred - but I feel its because I am obsessed so he feels "able" to not obsess - since I am there to pick up the slack on being obsessive

KajoliT39316.3100810185

cool thoughts, cam! I must say, the whole ASD obsession is the first negative obsession that I've had in my life. Others have consumed productive time and perhaps interfered with adult responsibilities to some degree, but others have had side benefits. I have encyclopedic knowledge of several topics and my career as a software engineer was born from a several year long obsession with computer programming. This ASD obsession is the first time it's turned a bit dark on me and it's the first time I've considered this personality trait to be anything but a quirk and, at times, a gift. I totally agree with what you say about losing ourselves into this quest to "better" our kids.

FWIW, when DW's mother was dying of lung cancer, DW, who is not the obsessive type, had a full-blown fred-like obsession with lung cancer, it's prognosis, alternate therapies, etc. It lasted until her mum died and then was gone. It seems that becoming obsessed with maladies that affect loved ones can trigger this behavior in even well adjusted folks, so I do wonder if the ASD obsession is a seperate entity to the generally positive obsessional personality trait.

Interestingly, DW never has become obsessed with ASDs. I do not think she see's it, in our case, anyways, as something that's severe enough to warrant the kind of all consuming perseveration that she enaged in with the cancer and that I may be borderline engaging in with this ASD thing.

fred39316.3034606481I think it is human nature to perservate on things that we want to solve (ie disease/disorders) and to "make it all better" for our kids...I don't consider that really an OCD thing - not like locking the doors, not stepping on cracks, washing hands compulsively. It is our jobs to educate ourselves to help our children...that is where it derives from since the doctors don't know that much more than we do. [QUOTE=WIMomOf2][QUOTE=camusa]

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I think it's presumptuous to assume someone is obsessed with autism if they question a possible cure or the removal of a diagnosis. Personally, I'm just trying to learn and understand more about autism. I think questioning is part of that.

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Whoa...no, no, no! Come on WiMommy lady...you know me better than that! I am as "obsessed" as the rest of you! So much so that my wife constantly says to me..."STOP SENDING ME LINKS. I don't have the time in the day to look at all the stuff you send me!"

I am not saying that one is obsessed if they question a possible cure or the removal of a diagnosis. I am saying...try and figure out the real, "why" regarding your question. Is it because it is impossible? Is it because the method is not feasible? Do you need more data? Or...would it necessitate finding a new crusade? Just food for thought.

I am guilty as charged and surely wouldnt want anyone to analyze my post too much..I see obsessions, neurosis, dispair at times..extreme aloneness too:(

My cognitive mind knows that I do all these things and that they are not healthy yet my emotions take over and win every single time!

I have never had such a reaction to anything like I do with autism..well there was this one boy..but that was just insanity:P

     I have indeed become obsessed with learning more about ASD since I saw some symptoms in my son. But I never thought of it as a negative obsession. Sure, it may be negative in the sense that I sometimes have stayed up late at night to do some research and reading on ASD and I wake up very tired the next day. Sometimes I need an extra cup of coffee to ensure that I'm still patient with my son on those days. Yes, there were times when my husband has said that I spent too much time on this computer.

     BUT...NOW, almost one yr after I began my research into ASD, my son is almost a whole new person. My inlaws who saw our son after a long time said he was not recognizable. His obsessions remain but are signficantly less than before. When my own parents visited not too long ago, my father said to my son "Well, hon, we're going home now" and my son replied, "Okay, but thank you for coming!" This was unprompted, untaught, and totally spontaneous. And he is only 3.5 yo.

     And I attribute all of his progress or improvement to all the reading and research I did in such a short period of time. It was through all this research and reading that my husband and I learned to employ specific strategies and games to help him. And then I played with him nearly all day, every day. When my husband came home from work and on weekends he played with him constantly also. So I guess you can say we both became obsessed with playing with our son.

     So I see my "obsession" with ASD as being one of the best, most productive obsessions of my life because, after all, it has helped my son now for the rest of his life.

     I admit that I began this quest for knowledge because I felt helpless and hopeless in the very beginning. But I don't feel that way anymore, not after seeing how my son is doing now.

     Now I don't get online as much as I used to. I am actually hardly getting online at all. I am reading Greenspan's books however - BUT it's only bedtime reading.

     I do have the tendency to take a project or interest a little overboard too. But I have always attributed to it boredom. Being a SAHM is sometimes not very mentally stimulating so I am sometimes seeking that elsewhere in projects or activities. [QUOTE=camusa]

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"As I stated, if it becomes one of those things that you actually cannot do without (and therefore when you hear that a "cure" might have been found or someone is "off the spectrum" and that seems wrong to you) then it is actually antithetical to the purpose that bore it."

I will state that the reason I am opposed to the concept of a cure is that it places the emphasis solely on negative aspects and what may be perceived by others as negative aspects, but which the person on the spectrum is quite happy about and does not accept that there are positives. Acceptance to me comes not in trying to find a cure, but in working out what my son is truly disabled with at this stage and what is just his different way of being. It does not matter if he never marries. It does not matter if he wishes to amuse himself by putting blocks in a pattern. It harms no-one. It does matter that he is unable to communicate his wants and needs. I want to know that if he hurt himself he could tell someone about it. If he got lost he could know to go to a police officer and ask for help. If someone attacked him he could call for help.

Although I was flippant on freds thread - It's also true to say that mankinds greatest minds were obsessed with their interests. I suppose how productive the interest is is what makes the difference between pathological or not. [QUOTE=bullet]

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And therein lies my notion of not seeing my son as a diagnosis. I come here because all you folks are so great! As a single mama, I don't
have another adult in my home to talk about my day, or my parenting
issues. I have good friends, who can't be expected to really "get" my
experience, as their kids are all typical.

I don't think I'm obsessed. I'm actually happy to have found a passion in
my life--you know--I'm learning so much here and I intend to make a
career out of my knowlege and understanding of issues facing families
with ASD kids.

Also, some people are obsessive types, some are laid-back and mellow.
It's been that way since the beginning of time, I think. Also, makes sense
to me that anyone would get a little obsessive over the well-being of ther
children

Also, camusa, I think OCD isn't dx'd unless the obssesions and
compulsions are unwelcome and intrusive, and get in the way of everyday
functioning. I don't think shopping for antiques would count unless
a person really didn't want to shop, had no love for antiques, but felt
compelled to shop every day, for a certain amount of time, no matter
what....other wise, it's just a regular old obsession, intense interest,
passion, or worst case--maladaptive coping technique (avoidance)

just thinking out loud in return, not really arguing or anything.

The antiques reference came from the fact that my response was initially referring to fred's post where he refernced a person obsessed with antiques!

Keep up sweet Mama(kat)!

PS- I also noted: "The behaviors or mental acts are aimed at preventing or reducing distress or preventing some dreaded event or situation; however, these behaviors or mental acts either are not connected in a realistic way with what they are designed to neutralize or prevent or are clearly excessive."

S'ok...Saright :)

[QUOTE=MamaKat]

maladaptive coping technique (avoidance)

LOL or otherwise known as stress relieving activity...

Karrie

Camusa - I didn't take any offense to your post. I know you are just posing questions to get people thinking. Sorry if the tone of my post was way off.
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