Again-as an ABA therapist, I swear by this! We use it with almost all of the kids we work with. There are certain behaviors for certain kids that we ignore (particularly work-avoidance behaviors.) It won't hurt to bring it up to them, the worst they can say is they don't think it's appropriate.
I'm glad everyone has had such great success with the method...I was excited to implement it after reading the book, but after doing it for 2 mo, it just seem to cause drag out tantrums and we never got to the learning phase, just the angry phase...I talked to my behav. spec. and she told me it can aggrevate some behavioral issues and that it isn't for everyone!!!
We had to start back with meds and now he follows the plans that the specialist lays out and things now make sense to him!!!Thanks Jessica. I jsut wanted to make sure it was in line with our ABA methods. i'm sure after I read the book, I'll "get it" a little more. I think everyone needs to be on the same page if we do this and they are here 30 hours a week.
The 123 Magic author has a website and monthly newletters you can subscribe to if interested. You can also read them on the website.
http://www.parentmagic.com/newsletter-view.cfm
Has anyone used this method when working with an ABA team? What do you think they would think of that? They are pretty much into rewarding good behaviors, which we do and ignoring bad behaviors or removing the reward for those behaviors. We haven't really had to get into much since the behaviors are generally good at this point. Our consultant witnessed him pushing and gave a firm no and had him sit down. So, I was wondering about bringing this up with them. Not sure what they will think.Thanks Kristy. I'm ordering the book. I couldn't find the video at the library, but I'm going to check another library. If it was a book on tape he would love it! He has a commute everyday and listens to books on tape. I did explain the method to him and he thought it sounded like a good idea.
That is interesting about the "I'm sorry's". I could just see problems when playing with our nephews. There are a bunch of them between ages 3-6 and their families use very different styles of parenting. They expected apologies before my son could physically say "I'm sorry". But, we can deal with that.
We like this method too. Our marriage therapist recommended it to us last year. You have to use it consistently though. My husband is a bit of a push over and started doing things like "that was a 2, do you want a 3?" Well, no they never want a 3. LOL When he is firm about it, it works. It has worked for me pretty well but my son tends to "hold" his meltdown reaction until after the timeout is over.
My NT 10 year old daughter was telling her friend right after we started it with the kids that her 4 year old brother "just didn't understand that mom and dad could now take away all kinds of things like her favorite doll, time on the phone, tv time, computer time...etc" Really made me laugh and make note of those things that she considered so important not to lose.
The 1,2,3 hasn't worked as well in the last few months and I just realized why - we are talking too much. We need to go back to action, no lecture.
Flip,
There was no "introduction" per se. We just started doing it. I'm sure the first few times we started counting followed by the time out they had no idea what was going on, but they picked up quickly.
Regarding the "I'm sorry" thing - I have to tell you - teaching my kids to say "I'm sorry" is probably the worst thing I've ever done LOL. They still think "sorry" makes everything better. When they sit on the stool for the time out all I hear is "mommy, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" as if it's some kind of magic get out of jail free card that is going to eliminate the need for the time out. I carry kids to their rooms for a time out with them screaming "but mommy I said I'm sorry."
My view on the sorry thing is this. When a kid deliberately hits another kid, the important thing is they get the swift consequence that shows them how unacceptable the behavior is. The immediate need for the timeout trumps the need to force the child to apologize. The kid they hit sees the timeout and immediate consequence and that has more of an impact in my mind than an apology (both kids see why the hitting wasn't a good idea). However, if one of my kids is running through the park and accidently bumps another child and knocks him down, it's not accpetable to just keep running. I make my child stop, go over to the other child, and apologize. For the most part my kids now do this automatically.
Where the sorry thing really puts me over the edge is when I do a 1-2-3 loss of privilidge. If C loses the gameboy for the night, he'll eventually approach me with "mommy, can I have my gameboy." And I have to say "no, you lost your gameboy because you didn't stop throwing the pillow when mommy asked you to stop." Then he'll say "but mommy, I said I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I won't throw the pillow anymore." And I have to say "honey, it's good that you're sorry, but that doesn't make the punishment go away." And so on.... I have many conversations like this.
The best thing about 1-2-3 magic is it's portable and you can do it anywhere. I try to use the timeout most often. When I resort to the loss of privilige it is usually in situations where a timeout is impossible, such as a backseat of the car brawl that doesn't stop when I get to "that's 3." It's hard to give a timeout to a kid strapped in a seat in a moving vehicle LOL. Or when they get into a fight when I'm trying to checkout at the grocery store.
As an ABA therapist, I SWEAR by this. I have worked with so many kids who respond to this so well. I have one boy who's a runner/bolter, who has gone to several time outs a shift because of this, to not having had a time out for running in over a year now. He always stops by two. I have a four year old who we started this with in Feburary who went from several time outs a shift for hitting/running/screaming/etc. to maybe one per shift.
Flip,
Not sure how much of a reader your hubby is. My dh would rather watch a video than read a book when it comes to stuff like this. You might want to get the video from the library and watch it together. It might help you both to be on the same page.
I do the 1,2,3 thing as well. Works like a charm with my ASD child....My NT child, not so much. When I start counting, I rarely even get past 2 and my son is fixing whatever needs fixing. I am not even sure what happens on 3 because I rarely ever get to 3! I haven't read the book so I know I don't do it correctly, but once you find a system that works, you keep it!
Just a note about the "I'm sorry" part: Of course my son isn't usually sorry for what he's done and probably doesn't have a concept of what sorry is, BUT I have been making him say it (he is echolalic) and it has served me well out in public. You all understand how difficult it is to diffuse a confrontation at the playground, school, etc, and having conditioned my child to say sorry after an incident has helped me avoid some potentially nasty situations with other kids' parents!
I read about it here and checked it out of the library. It's really effective. I definitely recommend it. Like with everything consistency is the key. We had a couple of meltdowns when she had to get with the program but now it's great. I'm trying to get her teacher and aide on board with the concept. I think having it written into her IEP is a great idea.Works great with my NT kids...I still use it on my 13 yr old, lol! Although I don't think he has made it to 3 in probably 6 or 7 years!
With Mason it didn't work as well...I would count and count...send him to time out after time out and it didn't bother him...I tried using my fingers to show him while I was counting...still didn't work as well-he would come out of time-out and go right back to the behavior or action. So I changed it up a little bit...I use 3 pictures of stop signs labeled 1,2,3...and then a picture of his room labeled break for the 4th picture...when ever he is doing something I don't want I show him the stop signs...I still don't get as much of a response as I do from the other kids...most of the time I can get them to stop before 3...Mason pushes me to 3 on a regular basis, but I can still see an improvement since I have switched to the pictures.
I've always done 1-2-3, since ds was about 18 months. I didn't realize it was a technique, but I do exactly what the method describes
Most of the time it works great, but if he is in a paticularly rotten mood, he makes it to 3 without a care.
I have tried other disipline techniques as he has matured, thinking 1-2-3 might not be enough anymore; Everytime we go back to counting. It has worked the best.
So many times I am unsure of what to do to help Daniel, what the best choice will be. It makes me feel good knowing I have been doing something right, and my intincts aren't completely off base.
Only problem is that he usually repeats the behavior pretty quickly after getting up and we start the whole process over. And, sometimes it lasts forever. Also, I'm trying to soothe his brother who is usually screaming. If I direct him to a new activity after serving his time, he does fine. It even worked at the mall. He doesn't yet respond to the warnings 1 or 2, but usually his offense is one that sends him straight to 3 (pushing or hitting his brother).
We use 123 Magic, and our ds therapists swear by it. DH and I actually satHas anyone used this discipline method? How has it worked for your ASD or NT children? I've read very little about it, but would like to know more. How did you introduce the technique to your kids?
I am finding myself in need of discipline methods. We haven't really had to deal with problem behaviors before other than screeching and we just ignored it and it went away. Now my son is pushing his little brother frequently and we need a plan to deal with it.
Any other techniques that you all use to deal with these types of behaviors.
Can you tell me more about it? Give me the basic gist.
WOW....
Karrie
This is the bible in our house. Works for both kids.
The team in Connor's 1st year of early childhood introduced us to this. They actually held parent training on the technique for all of the parents of the kids in C's class (which basically involved watching the video and having a discussion).
The book is divided into two sections: "stop behavior" and "start behavior." Which are exactly what they sound like: how to get your child to stop doing things you don't want him/her to do and how to get your child to start doing things you do want him/her to do.
I'll focus on stop behavior. Two biggest mistakes parents and teachers make in dealing with kids: too much talking and too much emotion.
Example: C is jumping on the couch. I say to him "that's 1" pause a second and say "that's 2" and if he continues, I say "that's 3 - time out" and I put him on a stool for 5 minutes. If he doesn't stay on the stool, without saying a word I carry him to his room and lock him in. When timeout is over, I simply say "time out over." No emotion, no discussion, no "we shouldn't jump on the couch because you might fall and hit your head on the coffee table and you might break mommy's sofa that is very expensive," no "are you going to be a good boy now?" No "are you sorry?"
We just do it over and over again. However, certain behaviors don't get a full count, like hitting. When R hit's C, I say "that's 3, time out" and take him right to time out. Again, no emotion, no conversation.
We do this everywhere. The kids have had timeouts on the bench at the mall, on the bench at the park, on the towel at the beach. No matter how much they scream, mommy and daddy show no emotion.
When C was less verbal, we had visual cues to go along with this. The teachers made them at school. We had 4 cards. One card each with numbers 1, 2, and 3 on them and the 4th card with a picture of a chair (to represent the timeout chair - they used a chair at school).
It also talks about "time out alternatives" which are ok too. Something along the lines of "that's 1, that's 2, that's 3 - no gameboy for 1 hour."
The book is really good, I'd highly recommend it, and I think you can get it on amazon.com for -15. The video is good too but not worth buying, you should be able to borrow a copy from the local library.
The use of the 1-2-3 magic is actually written into C's behavior intervention plan for school (for when he is noncompliant with class rules) and we had the counselors at summer camp use it with great success as well.
The key is consistency. You won't see overnight miracles, but after a few weeks we saw a huge difference. My kids are definitely "2's." They rarely stop at "that's 1" but they put the break on quick for "that's 2."
Back in mid-July I took the boys to a birthday party at the home of a friend. It was a 2 hour lego party with 25 kids. After about 90 minutes, C was done with the crowd and migrated into the attached garage. There were 3 - 4 other kids out there too scoping out the available toys. A few other mom's were chatting to the side. C got on a small 2 wheel bike with training wheels made for a younger child and started down the driveway which was sloped toward the street. I yelled pretty loud "that's 1." He didn't turn around and there was no indication that he heard me. I then yelled "that's 2" and he put his feet down hard, skidding the bike and stopping about 6 inches from the street. The he just turned around and looked me. The other mom's jaws dropped and they all said at once "how did you DO that?" I explained the 1-2-3 magic concept and everyone was all over it.
Hope this helps!
Wow! I'm impressed. I love how he slammed on his breaks.
I just started doing the time-outs, supper nanny style and I felt like I was talking too much, explaining why he is there and having him apologize. I wasn't sure that was helping.
Kristy-- I guess my question is how do you first introduce that concept to your child? Is it in the book? "That's 1" would mean nothing at this point. I just need to get my hubby on the same page with me. So, I thought this might be the way to go.
Another question. Would you not have him apologize to his brother for hitting at all? Do other people have a problem with not having him apologize if that is the case?
Man, I feel like I won the Trifecta! I read a post awhile back about 123 and said, yeah, it works great for us. Like another poster, I was clueless that this was actually a "technique"...it must just build on common sense.
I do make my kids go over and apologize WHILE LOOKING IN THE OTHER PERSON'S EYES. My pet peeve is forced apologies delivered to the floor or to the interveneing adult.
When Jack was 3, we were at a Renaissance festival, and both boys were playing around with this mock up of a cannon while DH and I rested. Some old coot, dressed like Shakespeare's neer do well blacksmith brother, hollered out how he'd been cleaning that cannon all morning getting ready to fire it at noon.
Crikey! We had no idea! So I made Jack, who'd been chunking pebbles inside it, walk over to this guy out of Knight's Tale and apologize. I held his hand, but was soooo proud! Walked all the way to the blacksmith's shop, looked this freaky dude in the eye, and in his "wittle fwee-year old voice" said "Im sorry sir. I thought your cannon was just a decoration." Old coot got teary eyed and accepted his apology and complimented his courage.
Man, sometimes I DO feel like I'm doing a good job. And my kids have cohones.
3 times = a consequence you do not like. Our issue is the back talk with both our kids. They both treat me like crap and value nothing given to them. Other's spoil these 2 kids. I say no alot! Why are Mom's treated the worse by the kids?