Do you tell your child?? | Autism PDD

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i think they know they are different and need to be told why. can be told about autism very simply depending on age. hard for them if they are aware they are different and they don't understand why. I agree with col845.  I think you should tell him whatever he's able to handle at whatever age he's at when he starts asking questions or if/when he notices that he's a little different from the others.  Personally, though, I wouldn't bring it up unless he mentions something that opens the door to the discussion.  I can understand his father's worrying about your ds's self-confidence, but his confidence may be low anyway if he's feeling bad about not fitting in with the crowd (especially as he approaches his teen years) and it may help to give him a reason why... and take the opportunity to tell him how special he is as well! 

Hi everyone Nicks father and I are having a debate with each other, he does not want anyone to ever tell Nick that he is autistic!! I want to tell him when he is older and is able to understand. This has become a big argument between us. I just think that he is ignorant and that is just dumb to think that he will never know he is autistic, I mean he is gonna find out someway or somehow in his life time why not from his parents?? I just feel like he is always working against me when it comes to Nick, he is the reason we didn't get him dx'd until he was 4 yrs old, because he was dead set there was nothing wrong with him and made me feel like I was a bad mother for thinking there was. Well I don't want to ramble on about my issues but I am soooo mad at him and his logic!!!! Do you agree that he should be told when he gets older??? I know I certainly do.

                                                 Nita

Yes he should be told.  I mean we all know kids.  We know they will hear things at the most inopportune moments.  And there will come a point where some kid at school might just say something to him.  I know this year I have just begun to explain to Jeffrey he has autism.  He still doesn't like having autism.  He even said at one point I will defeat autism

Tammy

 

Nick's Father,

Not telling your son about his autism doesn't make it go away.  Your son has a right to know.  I pray you find it in your heart to understand why he NEEDs to know.


I started to talk to Paul (10) about autism within the last year.  I think it's impossible to avoid.  He hears me talking with his speech therapist, ot, etc.  And the class at school.  I just mention it to him casually when I know he's heard me talking about it/him.  Just like I'd tell him he has asthma.  He doesn't get it yet but at least the word will come from me and not some ignorant adult or child.

pat

I agree with you. Children have a right to know how their bodies and brain works. I have begun to explain to Benjamin, age 6, that his medication makes certain parts of his brain work better. He is very bright and is interested in the brain models on the clinic shelves. He knows that's why i take certain meds, as well. He knows that we both need help in some of the same areas of the brain. I haven't tackled the term autism yet, but I know that I will eventually. I am convinced that children can handle honest answers and explanations presented in pieces as we see that they are ready. I don't want Benjamin to hear it first froom someone else. Especially if the someone else doesn't know what they are talking about. Janet

absolutely, agree w/ Tammy!

kate

 

I know I have begun trying to explain it to Tyler,......... His sister understands it more than he does tho I think

I have often thought about this very thing.  I honestly hope that Adam will be able to understand language enough some day for this very topic.  And then I think sometimes if he does understand language enough some day then how would I go about doing it in a way that will not effect him in a negative way?  For instance...I want him to be able to understand that he DOES have something there that explains the way he is but I dont' want him to think that just because it is there it is an excuse to get away with certain behaviors etc.  Or use it as a crutch so to speak.  Or I would hate for him to think because he is autistic that he can not do as much in society as others or that he is not intelligent. Or feel sorry for himself because of a diagnosis.  Now...this is all on the assumption that my child actually gets to a point in development that he is able to actually truly understand.  The only reason I debate this within myself is because of my oldest son.  He knows that he is adhd, ocd, and possibly bipolar and he will at times try and feel sorry for himself or if he chooses to use bad behavior will blame it on the diagnosis's etc. Or if he has a bad day at school with a grade then it's because he has ADHD etc and people should just understand that and open the red carpet for him..LOL   I know that My oldest's diagnosis is not autism and they are certainly two different children.  I'm not sure yet how I'm going to handle this one actually. I still have no idea what his future holds.  I think that decision will have to be based on Adam himself and what kind of older child he becomes, and what I think is best for him to know and not know dependent on his own personality. 

Karrie

I agree that your son should be told. I have mild Cerebral Palsy. Growing up kids use to make fun of me all the time because My arm or hand would start to shake really bad and I couldn't stop it or my whole body would twitch. I went home and would cry after school on a regular basis. My parents use to tell me I could stop it if I wanted too and it was in my head. As an adult the tremors are rare and I live a pretty normal life ( whatever that is.LOL.). If my hands do start to shake, it can last for days. The point I'm getting at is.... I grew up thinking that it was in my head and that I was a freak on some level. I was 25 yrs old before my parents told me and then it was only because they had too. My hands were so bad that I couldn't dispense meds at work and my boss thought I had a drinking/drug problem. Our children are going to grow up with enough issues to deal with. I don't want my son to think it's all in his head.
Good Luck!!

Wow my point exactly I don't want him to think he is a freak if he likes different things than other boys his age when he gets older, I mean now when we go to a park or anywheres that there are other kids he plays with them which I am grateful for but you can see the difference in the way he is compared to them. I know that his life is gonna be hard enough for him to deal with I just want him to know so he can prepare himself. His dad thinks it will affect him if he is told but I completely disagree!!!! I want to be able to tell him how much progress he has made and how hard he has worked to overcome his behavior problems , when he is older and able to understand. I mean like I wrote it in his babybook the day he was dx'd so now is he never gonna beable to read his baby book??? It just makes no sence to me not to tell him when he is older.

 Thanks for all the advice you all think the same way I do I don't understand why his dad doesn't!!!!!

                                                      Nita

need to approach it that there is nothing wrong with them. they are autistic and think in a different way than others. they can not express themselves as others do. does not mean that there is something wrong only something different. then bring up the differences in some other people your child may know.
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