I find it hard to tell when my son...(being evaluated for autism and with primary microcephaly but may not have mr) doesn't understand or just wants to do it his way.
I'm trying to show him how to play Baby Tad (musical toy, press the flashing light, get rewarded with a song). He will do it a couple of times and then will just press whatever he wants. Doing what he wants seems to be his thing.
My daughter had what each shape/light had for a song and would start signing the song before it started, always follwed the pattern.
Is this a mild vs more affected difference or a boy vs girl difference or just different personalities?
Hard to say - boys and girls do often learn differently. I know my kids definitely are learning differently - but my little girl is NT (well, pretty sure!). Dd picks up things very quickly while ds picks up SOME things very quickly and others take a LONG time. But then once he gets it, it is like a switch is flipped and he has totally got it - like he never had a problem with it to begin with!My little one understands, but would rather hit the buttons than hear the song. He is VERY sensitive to sounds it seems. He sometimes doesn't understand verbal commands but demonstrations he gets. Girls generally develop faster than males do. My mom atteneded a class with a adhd male who says public education is designed more for females. Many mom's are not doing k with their boys now until 6 insted of 5. My thing is quit the teaching to test method and go back to teach to master things. Yes the sexes learn different.When my son was that age, I'd joke "he's not incapable of learning, he's just incapable of being taught" (why I didn't consider that a big fat red flag, I'll never know).
Anyhow, for him, I think it's a hands-on learning style issue, plus a problem with auditory processing, plus problems with divided attention.
Maybe if you demonstrated the toy on video, and he watched the video a few times, he'd learn how to play with the toy the "right" way. A video would give the repetition, visual support, and single focus that he might need. Might be an interesting experiment.
I have the same issue with my son William. Its so hard for me to tell if he understands what I'm trying to get across or if he's just avoiding it on purpose.