talk less, listen more... | Autism PDD
Fred, you make a good point. My oldest son does this, but so do I. I've often wondered how much of it is AS, and how much is just him simply taking after his mother.
Abigail: "Dad, don't pause the movie, pause your mouth." (lol)
Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Abby WTG
Fred I have no advice just want to congratulate on your smart kids
So, the girls have real problem with talking too much and listening too little. They will talk 'at' you and pretty much just talk over most attempts to get them to pause their end of the conversation to allow for comments, questions, etc. They really just want to get their comments and thoughts out and don't really want to hear yours! You have to prompt and re-prompt to get them to listen and respond if there's something that they want to say.
I've always assumed this was the ASD, but you know what? It's occurred to me that their mother does the same thing! She'll politely pause and let you speak during a conversation, but afterwars, carries on with her thoughts as if you hadn't said a thing! She does this all the time and it drives me crazy! I know other people like this, too (her mother, my sister, among others) - in adults, they at least have the couresy to pause and let you say something, but the whole time you're trying to add your input to the conversation, they're sort of thinking about what they're going to say next rather than listening, and then when it's their turn to talk again, it's almost like they didn't hear what you said! Its the same thing for the girls, the only difference, really, is that they don't even pause to let you say something when they're rolling and act as if they didn't hear you input if you try to get some words in edgewise.
Do you or other people you know have this habit? Is this a well enough known problem that there are well known approaches to deal with this sort of behavior? Do you agree that this could be as much to do with age, personality and environment than ASD?
Also, as an added bonus feature - interesting things heard in my house this morning:
Evie: "Dad, what's your favorite cereal?" (I answered her, but then moments later it occurred to me - WOW - Evie just asked a social question - holy cow - she's never asked me about what things I like before!
later, I was nagging to get Abigail to go get dressed while she was wathing a movie and didn't want to go:
Me (after having asked several times for her to go get dressed): "Abigail, go get dressed, I'll pause the movie."
Abigail: "Dad, don't pause the movie, pause your mouth." (lol)
Ok, probably shouldn't take that kind of lip, but it made me feel pretty good that she could be such a smarta$$. It's one of the most sophisticated uses of language she's ever displayed.
I think that problem is common among kids in that age group. I've seen it in my nephews and neices and they are all NT. I've been around adults like that too. I think some of that will fix itself as they mature. You can encourage positive social skills when around others. Have them practice asking more questions and listening to the answer. Ask them later, "what did daddy say was his favorite cereal?"
I do love your girls' comments. That's a good sign!
[QUOTE=fred]
Do you or other people you know have this habit? Is this a well enough known problem that there are well known approaches to deal with this sort of behavior? Do you agree that this could be as much to do with age, personality and environment than ASD?
[/QUOTE]
I believe that it is a very common ADHD trait to just "wait your turn to talk" so to speak...lol Interesting...My oldest son does it all the time...and so do I...Both of us diagnosed ADHD.
Great social question, Evie!!!
LOVE Abigail's attitude! In fact, I may use that line sometime!
My nephew who is PDD (asperger's most likely, new eval starting soon)
does this. My dh does it too...but w/ my nephew it is to the nth degree.
His converation is all what he wants to discuss, usually nothing to do w/
current topic etc. And he ignores us a lot. That, as I understand it, it
fairly typical, especially for aspies.
If it's not quite a severe as that, or like in your wife's case (like my dh), I
assume it's more personality. My dh is the youngest of 4, all very much
TYPE A, boisterous people. He had delayed speech & a stutter, I joke that
it's probably because he could never get a word in edge-wise. His family,
still tends to talk over him, or never truly gives him an ear. So, for him, I
do feel some of it is from his upbringing. He also is VERY sure of himself,
very intelligent...and so sometimes I think he just feels like he knows
better or has the right answer. He interrupts as well. I cringe sometimes
at parties & gatherings, he will interrupt or go on & on about something,
or say something way off topic...it can be hard as a spouse to deal with.
He has some aspie traits, but defenitely not aspergers dx. So, perhaps
it's one more of those traits he has... Oh, and our older dd does the
SAME thing...I imagine our younger dd will start in another year or so. I'll
need those noise-cancelling headphones!
Elle, you should hear it when all three of them get going (DS does this too when he's excited).
This is probaly something that could be solved with consistent behavior on our parts in enforcing polite exchanges as well as good modelling of said behavior. In other words, this looks like something I'll just have to learn to live with.
her.It is interesting how so much of these 'autistic' behaviors (bad conversation/listening skills, lack of empathy, talking on and on... and on... about something, self centeredness, etc. etc. etc.) can be detected in many "normal" adults. Sometimes, I wonder if we have higher standards for our kids than typical adults have for each other.
Copyright Autism-PDD.net