We were invited to my brothers block party yesterday, I declined. I don't know if any of you have ever been to a block party but they are basically a free for all. The kids play in the street, very loud music, games and activities all day ect.
My mother just does not understand why i wouldn't bring my family, She thinks if i just try and bring my kids to events like that they will get used to it and eventually will not overstimulate. I also have a 19 yo daughter who thinks if they boys see how other children play in situations like that they will catch on.
I just know if we went yesterday we would have had major sensory overload. Or my son Michael would have ended up in my brothers basement in the corner all day playing with trains and insist that i stay there with him..
How do i make them understand????? am i wrong???
You are NOT wrong. You know your children and what is best for them, how they will react, what will overload them etc. It is so very frustrating to have our friends and family not understand, so you are not alone. I email my mom articles that discuss the reasons children w/ Autism have meltdowns and/or sensory overload. I also email articles that are informative about Autism. She always reads them and over the past year she has come to understand a lot. In fact, now she emails me articles on Autism that she finds lol So maybe you can suggest some good books about Autism to her. Better yet, actually put the books in her hands! Educating them is the bast way to get them to understand.
I have 3 teen daughters that think just like your 19 yo DD. If it were that easy, all of our children would be cured of Autism tomorrow! Let her take him to an event by herself and I bet she will agree with you lol
I have the same problem with my family. They except to much out of me. Oh you should travel here to see so and so. You should do this and that. Ya real easy with 2 kids with sensory issues.I feel that our family and friends "got it" because they saw it first hand. We chose not to decline invitiations to anything, but if we thought a particular situation might not be ideal for C, we set expectations up front. We would tell host/hostess/family that C often had difficulty in these types of situations but we were willing to try it. However, if all goes to hell we might have to make a hasty exit without walking around for 30 minutes saying goodbye to everyone and making nice chit chat on our way out the door.
All kids are different, so you have to go with your gut. Me, I would have went to the block party becuase my kid is sensory seeking and the more action the better. However, when he was 3 the thought of taking him to a movie theater was what terrified me. Sitting still, and being quiet? NO WAY! However, I did try it, and did have to carry him out of the theater in a rage 30 minutes into the movie because I wouldn't let him play with the seat. It wasn't pretty, but the friends I went with "got it" after that experience LOL (and were very kind and sypathetic I might add).
I find that my son constantly suprises me, and often does great in situations where I was expecting the worst, so I keep trying things hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.
For right or wrong, I actually felt the same way as your mom did. I brought him out in as many situations as possible so he would get used to it. And it worked. The key for me was identifying what specific elements of the situation weren't working. I would then try to figure out what I could do, if anything, to make it work and try again. With my movie example, I realized that C could only sit for so long without sensory input, which is why he then stood up and started pusing the seat down and letting it pop up. The next time we tried the movies, I brought his Willbarger brush and when I saw him getting restless in the seat, I brushed him. It worked and we got through a movie.
I keep a portable DVD player in my car. If we go to a party or family event, and I see C starting to fall apart and need a break, I ask the host if there is a quiet bedroom we could use for 30 minutes and I put C in there with his DVD player and headphones and he chills out. I sometimes sit with him and rub his back (deep pressure) if I think he needs it. Then he's usually ready to rejoin the festivities.
Every kid is different. These are just some things that worked for me, but may or may not work for you. You have to go with your gut on this one since you know your child best.
We have given all of our family members that we care to invite into our world the following book:
"Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew" by Ellen Notbohm.
It is very simplistic, but it gives you an "in-road."
Just know that they will never really "get it" as tey are not living with your babe (or autistic themselves) and that they may need some hand-holding.
Best of luck!
In our case things seem to only get worse. I tried so hard for the longest time, hoping he would get better with these situations, but he didn't. And I feel bad saying this but I hate taking Mason out in public. It is soooo hard, so I end up avoiding it as much as possible...even things like dr appts are so hard. The waiting room is impossible. The other day we had an appt with his pyschiatrist and she was of course running behind...well we ended up sitting for 35 minutes before we got called in. Mason in the meantime went wild...trying to jump on the furniture, running out the door, throwing books and magazines. And when I would try to hold him and calm him down he was biting me over and over...I kept asking the receptionist how much longer and of course got the "not much longer." statement over and over...right before I walked into the office with the doctor I walked over to the desk and I was a little furious and I know it wasn't her fault but said "next time I expect a phone call telling me that Dr. Moore is running behind, you have my cell phone number, use it!" It was just so horrible and of course I'm getting all the looks of "what is wrong with that kid."
Sorry this turned into a vent on my part, but that's pretty much what we deal with everywhere we go and it's just easier to not deal with it. My family still tries to talk us into going to get togethers, but I just keep declining, and ignore any of the comments about me never going to any of the family things. I have other things to worry about, than if my family cares to understand our situation...not that you shouldn't try to get them to understand, just in our case I gave them information and talked to them as much as I could and it wasn't enough for them.
Sorry not much help, just know you're not alone.