Rita,
I know how hard this is... My son used to also prefer to be left in his crib, and totally ignore us. It has gotten so much better. I feel like his behavior was like this the most between 2 and 4, then it started to improve. As for the biting and hitting, I have to agree with Fred. Ignore it....I know this is literally impossible, but if she hits you in the face, gently put her down, do not give her any eye contact or reprimand her. Also, be quick. You should start to notice when an "attack" is coming, and "dodge" it.
My son was so aggressive. In the second week of kindergarten last week, he bit his teacher in the face!!! He bit and scratched us all the time when he was frustrated or couldn't have his way. I ignored this behavior at the advice of his teachers, and was told to give him a reinforcing activity as soon as the behavior was diverted. I would sit him on his ball, and sing to him or something.
I know it's hard, but just try it. My son still has his bouts of aggression, and I see it coming, so I am still quicker than him. I still ignore, too. It has decreased by about 80%. It didn't happen overnight. We're talking about 9 months here, but it did help.
good luck
nakama
Active ignoring failed miserably in our house.
When C was 3, when he got upset he would hit me, and if I ignored it, he would then either hit his brother, or start grabbing anything within reach and throwing it. I could live with him hitting me, even though there were a few times when he headbutted me that I thought he had broken my nose, and he once hurled a fully sippy cup of milk at me and got be right above my eye (sidenote: C has the best arm in the entire t-ball league, he had a rocket arm and great aim even at 3). However, harming his brother and destroying our house was unacceptable (and dangerous).
We did timeouts. We follow 123 magic, however there is not counting for a hit, it's an automatic "that's 3, timeout." We would carry him kicking and screaming to his room and lock him in there (we reveresed the doorknobs). After 5 minutes, I'd go see how he was doing, and if he was still disregulated I'd do deep pressure and use the brush to calm him down. (Sidenote: I could care less if he destroyed his room, we took just about everything throwable out of it.)
I know the ignoring has worked well for others, but we could never make that work. I also hear many say that timeouts don't work for ASD kids, but they work like a charm for us. You may have to try a bunch of different things to see what works. Sorry you are going through this.
My daughter;s aggressive behavior is turning impossible to handle. She is hitting me iin my face (wuth a gleeful smile) and now has recently started to bite my hand -annd she bites hard. She is not connecting with me ATALL... does not want to sit with me or even look in my direction.. It is COMPLETE rejection... I feel horrible but am also mad at her bec of the hitting/biting.
Fred - I tried ignoring this agression but it hasn't receeded. Tried the 'do nice'... but she still won't stop!!
The therapist has seen this behavior too and wants me to continue to tell her to stop and instead "do nice". But now I am worried abt this sudden lack of connection... she doesn't want me anymore.. she almost runs away from me!
So sorry to hear about this behavior...I never dealt with this but worried it would crop up because I heard other parents talk about it often..I hope you get some good advice:)
We always did the "activily ignoring" bad behaviors till they went away.
Our therapist used this method on her other kids that liked to bite/hit her..she couldnt react to the pain or make a face..she had to look at the child with as much poker face expression to show that it had no affect on her before the child would stop...if she winced at all then the biting continued. This is something I would try to nip in the bud(no pun intended) asap!
I believe some medications help with aggression and make all the difference in the world in behavior..most behaviors can be modified..some need medication if it is absolutely necessary...I wish the best for you and your dd and will follow thread and hopefully you will get some more advice from others that had the same problem:)
Hang in there!