Comparing situations VENT | Autism PDD

Welcome to the board Militarymomof1! There are lots of great people here!

I have an aquaintance who used to ask me if I was sure that my son is on the spectrum! She would ask wether he was around or not! It was so frustrating! I would get so frustrated with her that I would feel like saying "No I am just making this up and the docs that have evaluated him are making it up too!

We don't see them much anymore but I got to a point that I said I can't discuss it with him around.

Clucking was probably the wrong word

I am glad I can come here, and that you all "get it". I can't explain how happy I am to have found this group, full of people who understand and just accept. I love that. But it is still hard sometimes that the people I am close too, can't do this.

Thank you for listening and for "getting it". <3

Your friend reminds me of my MIL, who constantly poo-poos my concerns
and makes light of what I'm going through. I feel your frustration.

Hang in there...hopefully you can find someone more *neutral.*
Well you are at the right place. I read your posts and totaly understand
what you are going through. Its like a male doctor telling you" I know
how much it hurts" while you are giving birth.

You have got a lot of work ahead of you. You will need her support.
Autism is a tough thing to go through. Just tell her that you do not need
her advice right now just her ear and understanding. Tell her that even
doctors do not have all the right information. You will have to keep a
clear head in order to get you child all his interventions. Comparing
apples to oranges is never a good thing and that my dear is what she is
trying to do.

Just focus on what you need to do. Find other parents who may be in your
situation. I find many parents of autistic children to be incredibly
understanding and kind. Good luck with your friend and I hope she
comes around.

I have a good friend, whose child has a peanut allergy. I am in the middle of trying to fight to get Ds's nero eval referral from his Ped., fighting with the school over ds's IEP, fighting with the Army tryign to get a straight answer about what the EFMP provides, trying to put together my own "team" for ds's IEP meeting, etc.. The obstocales are never ending it seems.

My friend does not understand what I am going through at all, and I really wish she would stop clucking out advice, and acting like she "knows" because her son has a nut allergy.

I know allergies are serious, I am not discounting that at all. But the issues we are facing are not comparable, they are two different things completely. I can't say one word, or vent, without her acting like she is going through the exact same thing. She isn't!!! She has no idea what it is like to worry if your child will speak, will he ever get married, go to a normal school, drive, etc... or worrying about bringing your child on a simple errand because you know how it will most likely go... And my husband is deployed, so I have no choice but to bring ds...

I am just upset. It makes me feel like she completely discounts what I am goign through when she acts like ds's autism is similar, and sometimes, less serious, and has less obstacles than her son's allergy.

I get that she can't understand, because she hasn't been there. But I tired of her playing the expert about my son and what I am going through, and minimizing it. I love her so much, but it hurts that I can't even vent or talk to her about what I am going through and to have her just LISTEN. That's all I want :(

Okay my rant is over... Thank you for reading, if you made it through that mess I just spilled out, lol.

I hope you feel better!

Just tell her what your told us~except to stop her clucking advice:)

Or you could just come here where we all really understand and just leave the advice for us experts!

I too get annoyed with people that think they understand but don't. I'd rather deal with someone who doesn't get it and admits it!

I also, and please don't take this the wrong way, need to chime in on the side of the allergy parents here. I have a cousin who has a 9 year old with a severe peanut allergy. He is now old enough to understand, but when he was younger they could never have other people to the house as it was too much work to clean after they left (all toys had to be washed if another child touched them). They didn't go out to eat for almost 5 years. They have never left him with anyone but family. They can never travel anywhere that is more than 30 minutes from a hospital. They carry epipens everywhere. At lunch at school, he sits at a special table, by himself, 20 feet from the other kids so as to assure that nonone's food can possibly come in contact with him. His peanut allergy is very severe and life threatening. My cousin told me that when the phone rings during the day she literally jumps and catches her breath because her first thought it that it is the school calling and something has happened to her son.

Your friend might be looking at you and thinking "well, her kid may be late to talk and has some tantrums, but she doesn't have to worry about her kid dying if she takes her eyes off him for 5 minutes and he puts a goldfish cracker in his mouth."

Everyone thinks someone else has it easier. Also, your friend might be trying to downplay your son's symptoms in order to make you feel better. I look back and see that for me it was a nowin situation. People say the issues are no big deal, you want to smack them. People say that they thought there was something wrong, you want to smack them. People say things like "how horrible for you to have to deal with this" and you think "I have a great kid and I love him so shut up" and you want to smack them.

If this particular friend is getting on your nerves, maybe just cool it for a while. Or intive her to visit so she can experience the ASD show first hand. Hang in there. It will get better!

Kristy is right...it is good too you have a friend:)

She will in time learn about autism and understand but maybe not right now..

I remember Sarah had a little girl in class that had severe peanut allergy and the kids that ate pb&jelly sandwich had to sit at another table and wash it down afterwards and their hands with hot soapy water.. the teacher had special instructions sent home to all parents not to touch her at all if they had eaten anything with peanuts or even things made at a factory with peanuts..like Hershey bars seem ok..but the chocolate may get contaminated if close to peanut products...very serious stuff..

The mom had her in the ER a few times so it was a real concern of hers..I never thought about worrying so much about your child that they could actually die.

I am sure she is needing you just as much as you need her:) Open the lines between each other and find a balance:) Friends are hard to come by these days:) Good luck!