Personally, I would ban any television that has words you don't want him to repeat.
For Sharon though, it sounds like caretakers aren't following this. Perhaps you can talk to them and say that he is saying awful words that he is hearing from television. If they respond with the typical - well, YOU watched blah, blah, blah and YOU are fine - well, you can say something like - but I don't have autism and my son DOES. He processes things differently and things stay in his head a lot longer than with most people and then he repeats them at inopportune times.
Shelley said EXACTLY what I was going to say about taking everyone else away and making sure they are safe while you are ignoring. This will NOT be easy. But, in the long run it will be SOOOOO worth it.
Just remember that home is where he is most comfortable and able to let his feelings out. He may be saying things to you that he WANTED to say during the day to others. He knows (on some level) that you will love him no matter what so he is feeling comfortable saying those things to you. But, he needs to know that it is NOT okay. Everyone needs to work on this and everyone has to be consistent. One time of breaking the routine will just ramp up the behavior even further.
Keep us posted and good luck!
Karrie...So I told you in another post that I have similar issues with my son and that a BCBA was stepping in. I've been charting my son's bad behaviors (the place, people present, the activity, the antecedent, the inappropriate behavior, the immediate consequence and the behavior after the consequence). She is mulling over my last week's entries and will be getting back to me. Ignoring inappropriate behavior was the core advice and being consistent with consequences. I know I'm not much help, but maybe doing the spreadsheet yourself will shed some light on what is triggering the behaviors.
I think the words are pretty typical - lots of kids that age, when very upset, will tell their parents things that are pretty shocking! The thing that I think is more the problem is why is he getting that agitated in the first place? I guess, I would just ignore the language and not be overly concerned with its content (he doesn't know what he's saying, really), but try to figure out why his fuse has grown so short.
My son would say things for "shock value" when he was that age, but only when he was really upset and frustrated. Now, he does this 'poor me' act when he's very upset - saying things like, "sometimes you make me feel like I'm the worse son in teh world!" - because he realizes that that sort of thing is more shocking than "I hate you" - but again, he only does this sort of thing when he's really, really upset, which isn't very often.
I think the larger problem is why is he so easily upset? Hopefully, it's just a phase.
My son also used stupid for a long time and we tried so hard to ignore it. One day he just kept on saying it over and over to me. "You're so stupid, you're so stupid, I'm not going to clean my room because you're so stupid." I just snapped and tuned to him and in a very calm voice told him "I am not stupid, but you are stupid, if you think you'll get any desert tonoght if you don't clean your room." After the shocked look left his face, he started to cry and told me that I had hurt his feelings. I calmly explained to him that he had hurt my feelings also. I know that he doesn't understand that he's not the only person with feelings but he has never used the word stupid again.
Good luck and stay strong!
I also need some tried and proven methods to help me control Christian's vocabulary - freak, silly, stupid, fart, etc. I am not blameless, I say the odd silly and stupid but words like freak and ugly are words he gets from TV. He loooves Freaky Friday and Spongebob, and he gladly repeats words or phrases that he finds amusing. I'm not sure he understands all that he says as mostly it's all out context. I try to ignore it but sometimes it's just makes the hairs on the back of neck stand up. I ask him not to say those words because they are not nice and wonderful boys like you do not say those things. He just says okay then two seconds later he's saying the same thing again.
I am worried that when he starts school, he will use language like this to his teachers. If he see's someone that he considers ugly, he will say without any qualms whatsoever, why is that man or women so ugly. I have cringed many a time when he has said something cruel or not appropriate. A couple of years ago, while I was standing in line to cast my vote for a local election, he just blurted out "Lord have mercy on your soul" and everyone in line looked at him but glared at me. My mom uses this phrase when she is frustrated.
And this morning when I dropped him off to my parents the first things he asked my dad was to turn on Jerry Springer - NOW. Even though I say no, my parents let him do what he wants when I leave to go to work- agh! Apparently he thinks the fighting is amusing. He’s spoiled rotten by them. They are in their 70’s and feel that they have the right to do what they like b/c they have babysat him since he was 6 mths old.
It is impossible to get rid of unwanted behaviors and make expectations clear when you have another person who spends a good amount of time w/your child that does things/sllows things/gives different consequences than you despite your requests for otherwise. I KNOW! My mother does things completely opposite from me and it is causing real problems for Ali and I. I wish you the best of luck! If you need to talk, you can PM me. Right now, my sister is chronically ill and because it is so serious & disabling and potentially life threatening she has talked suicide on occasion. It is horrible. Now Ali is saying things like "I'll kill you" and "What you want me dead?!" I am certain she has heard my sister say something and now I do not know how to explain to her that is not good. Ali generalizes a lot. If person does/says something wrong/bad than person must be bad. Same with situations like if X on tv does Y then I can do Y or if I can do A at one place, then I can B at any place. It is really hard to get her to understand.... Anyway, I really feel for you. Ali also has a very short fuse.
Yes...I have thought of that too...and it seems like when I do ignore (which I have no problem with) He will step it up to something that I HAVE to intervene like hitting his brother or pushing him etc.
I used to say that Adam's behavior was a breeze compared to my oldest with ADHD...well I'm re-thinking that statement now..lol This is MUCH HARDER.
What I dont' get about all of this is that he doesn't treat anyone else badly! Just us his family. He doesn't treat people at school this way or his friends, teachers etc. That's why I have told all of you that it actually feels like he cant' stand us, or has this unbelievable hate for all of us here at home.
Karrie
The only advice is to ignore it...keep ignoring it ..then ignore some more:)
Dont stop ignoring it till it's totally gone:)
It is hard..I would take you and other kids and find a place in the home where you can shut the door. He will hate not getting your attn..and he may even get much worse before it stops completely which is good because he is using every means he has to get your attn. and when you blow him off completely he will drop this behavior I assure you! No debating him..no telling him this is bad behavior~he knows:)
My friends dd was this way and the mom was convinced her dd hated her and her sibling...she was really mean both verbally and physically! She stuck to her guns and refused to acknowlege her and over time it stopped:)
Good luck Karrie!
I don't have a lot of advice here. Ds started to use the word "stupid" a few months back (someone used it at school). I told him in a very calm, controlled voice - but he could tell I was angry - that we NEVER use that word and he knows it. That whoever said that around him was wrong to say it. I asked how he would feel if someone called him stupid - he appropriately said, "Bad. Upset. Angry." So I told him - that is why we don't use that word. It makes other people feel the same way. I then told him he would lose something (whatever was valuable to him at the time) for every time he said it. I know you said that doesn't work with your ds.
I wonder if completely ignoring him (trust me, I do know this is difficult) when he starts talking like that would help? Because it sounds like he is trying to get your goat and maybe the attention is reinforcing. I don't know - I'm sure someone else will have wiser words on this topic! Sorry I'm not much help here...
This morning was rough. As usual We get up and I take Adam and Addison down stairs for breakfast. Anything and I MEAN ANYTHING can set Adam off!! Well I was in the kitchen after I had got their breakfast and I hear Adam scream at Addison..."Get away from me!! I don't want you to look at me!!! I'm not playing with you!!!" These are typical things that Adam screams at his brother for no apparent reason other than Addison is comming close to him. So this scares Addison and he takes off screaming toward me for protection. I give Addison hugs and tell him he is ok and then I go to Adam and tell him that he is not allowed to scream at his brother this way. I go on to let him know how this hurts people etc. THe whole time I am talking to him he is screaming at me etc etc. I then walk out of the room and he starts yelling at me..."YOUR IGNORANT!!!!" "I HATE YOU.....YOU ARE SOOOO IGNORANT!!!"
I really dont' know what to do to make it stop. I have tried everything...and always have been consistant with what ever I am trying. Hubby and I recently decided that obviously time outs are not working....Taking toys away dont' work either....Positive behavior charts...LMAO they dont' work because in the heat of the moment he can't controll it. SO we have decided that every time he screams we will be VERY Calm and talk low and explain to him over and over how it's wrong to scream and how it hurts people etc. We are hoping that eventually he will get it and better be able to control himself out of understanding that you just don't treat people this way. With everything else I have tried it just seems to be getting worse. It's been going on to some degree since Addison started really moving and it has just escalated. Now if people even look at him the wrong way he is screaming. What I posted above literally happens countless times a day!!! My whole day while he is home is wrapped around him and doing what I can to prevent this behavior to no avail because it really doesn't matter what I do. Sorry this is so long and ventful...but That's what I really needed was to complain about it. It's just so frustrating at times that all I can do is cry. Thanks for listening (well...reading.lol)
Karrie