Ice cream is ice cream, right? | Autism PDD
It is funny....it is funny that I can kinda identify with the kids on this one. I am big about sameness....to me ice cream from TCBY when I am expecting Friendl'y is just not ice cream (cause I am used to Friendly's) and pepsi when I am expecting coke is unacceptable cause it is not coke and I cannot stand when an appointment is rescheduled, etc. It is just the lack of predictability & familiarity that throws me off and makes me feel so out of sorts. Of course, being an adult and knowing my eccentricities(for lack of a better word) & how to deal with them, I would not throw a tantrum if I did not get that certain kind/store/brand of product or if my usual ritual was disturbed BUT I would refuse, steer clear of or get nervous about the particular thing I do not want or am not familiar with. Ali is like this with soda (my mom is a big soda pusher so she gets too much) but it HAS to be caffeine free pepsi, NOT coke, NOT caffeinated pepsi, but caffeine free pepsi. She is like this with lots of things. The way we drive home is a big one. IF we do not go down the one street next to ours she flips. She says that is how she knows she is getting close to home. I think that is part of it...a sense of security. For Ali, I understand and I do not always give her what she wants but I do ALWAYS make sure to WARN her ASAP about anything that is about to happen differently. It makes a huge difference. For example, she knows we always go to McDonalds before I take her to her father's house (just became a routine she loves) well sometimes my mom (who goes with us) wants to go somewhere else....so I make sure I tell her as soon as I know about it and give her reminders as it gets closer. She is fine. But if she did not know and we just went there...UGH! It would not be pretty. I know we cannot always know what is about to happen in life...just not possible but I understand how it feels to be afraid and confused (I get really anxious and just off when something-even something little-unexpected happens)...so I help her by preparing her as best I can. I also remind her sometimes we do not have control over everything and that when something happens we do not like we have to control ourselves as best we can.
Definitely pick your battles. But, if your child is throwing a tantrum I would not give in. There are definitely issues I will not fight with ds. Having his "blankie" at night is one of them. There were others when he was younger. I understand needing things the same - but in life, that doesn't happen. And so introducing that concept early on was important for us in teaching ds. He is much more flexible than a lot who are on the spectrum - I don't know if it is a result of what we did or how his personality was to begin with. Hard to say!
I think some rituals (like for bedroom) can be good and can help calm a child. But, if they are interfering with everyday functioning - that is not good. And being forced to drive to another ice cream stand is something that I would think falls in that category. But everyone is different and that's why I love this board!
Oh yes Nikolas and his campbell's wedding soup. He will only eat the stuff from the can. We got him some at a restaraunt once, it was so much better, but he refused to eat it. He didn't melt down, he just wouldn't eat it. He'll push it away. Better than a meltdown I suppose, but frustrating none the less.Ya pick yer battles, but ya DO fight 'em!
With T it is the mini-pitas. NEVER, NEVER the big ones, not even from the same bakery ... she is flexible on different pizzas (well usually), and yogurts, and ice creams. Oh but NOT refried beans -- Taco Bell or BUST.
My son Jack would not eat his hot dog the other night because I cut it the wrong way! Seriously...I didn't cut it as small as we normally do, and he just looked at it...wouldn't touch it. My wife (SusanR here on the forum) then cut the pieces again, and he happily devoured them. I could not believe that it would make a difference....
Spot
Hi Yvonne,
I would have done the same too. My son also only likes "white" things when it comes to his limited food choice. I already know what he likes and dislikes and won't keep stressing him or myself out trying to get him to change. His Pedi/Neuro told me to pick my battles wisely. I don't understand why our kids behave this way but I don't think they can help it and I would feel really bad forcing my son to eat something that was not pleasing to him. Try getting my son to drink any other fruit punch other than Capri-Sun. He cannot read and I had to convince him letter by letter when Capri Sun changed their packaging, that the juice was the same.
I now have this problem trying to explain to my son that last's year kindergarten teacher will not be his teacher this year. He says no, he's going to Ms. P's class. I saw the Media Center teacher in the supermarket last night and she was telling me that they are prepared for Christian's behavior when school opens on 8/20. She also tried to explain to him about having a new teacher and he would have none of it. I am dreading first day of school.
I am hopeful that as my son gets olders, some of this restrictive behaviour will stop. Won't hold my breath though...
Hang in there!
Sharon, T is bent on the idea that she will get Mrs. M! I do not know Mrs. M., but I am having a VERY tough time convincing her, it is luck of the draw, and our SD only provides the class lists the night before school starts! UGH.
She was up at 4:30 am, had her bedroom light on playing ... I KNOW it is her anxious anticipation of next week.
Weve all been there and most of us are STILL there lol We had cabbage rolls once and my DS ate his cold after an hour of crying and meltdown because his came unrolled and he wanted it exactly like it was LOL We finally figured out that we would stay the same about things we knew REALLY mattered to him...no one going into his room unless invited, everyone buckled in the van before we leave, etc. The other things we just tell him the way it is and endure the meltdown.
Before I would do things his way and then began to resent him because I literally coldnt take a step w/o fear of him freaking out. I realized my loving relationship with him was more important than keeping him perfectly happy and tantrum free. Now he is much more flexable! So pick the things you know are important, tell her she will have to be flexable with others. If you need some support or just to vent, come on here and vent away, were her for you :)
Hayden does that although I think in your case hed throw a mini fit then when he realized he could get the same icecream he wanted there hed get over it.
He is very particular over certain things tho for ex. he likes eating the sliced sandwich cheese but I need to fold it in threes and if i dont all hell will break loose. He actually let my sister in law get it for him (usually I have to get everything) and she didnt know about the folding and he threw a fit and wouldnt eat it till she finally folded it in half which he took from her, screamed "NOOOO!" and folded it again which then he could now eat his cheese.
Some of this demand for precision in sameness is actually very typical for I believe 2 -3 year olds. I used to read Dr. Brazleton's baby books called Touchpoints (there are two 0-3, and 4-6) before we knew Cole was on the spectrum. Still read them, but stopped looking for autism answers.
He talked about how some kids would insist you put the peanut butter on the first slice of bread, then the jelly on the second. And you'd have to cut it into triangles, not squares. If Dad made lunch and spread the jelly first, an irrational meltdown would explode out of the kid. Doesn't this sound familiar?
Part of this is that the kid is now maturing and wants to have some control over his life, but that idea scares the pants off of him sometimes. Considering they have no control over anything in their world (when to get in the car, where to go, how much tv and when, what's for dinner, who is coming over for the play date, etc) they lash out in seemingly goofy ways.
You're supposed to give them some LIMITED choices and make the choices easy. "Tommy, it is your turn to pick and choose our vegetables tonight - do you want corn OR do you want brussel sprouts? You pick and choose." If a child makes the choice, they get some influence over their world. When its an easy choice, there's no stress involved. You have to honor their choices and they have to stick with them. NO flip flopping.
Sometimes the rigidity we see in autism seems like being stuck in this developmental step for years. Maybe we should be doing "choice-therapy" or something? My son has his quirks in other ways, but he is not a stickler for sameness. We probably lucked out, but I wonder if us following Dr. Brazelton's advice had anything to do with it?
Oh yes, we have had this battle many, many times, but it has gotten better with time. (over ice cream too...but for him it *had* to be in a cone, not a bowl, not a cup, a CONE. lol)
I worked on improving his flexibility by messing with things when I had the patience and time for a meltdown. I started with small things, like putting the chocolate syrup in before the milk with his chocolate milk (his favorite 'treat'), or using a butter knife to stir the milk instead of the spoon, or taking a slightly different route to a store. Small things, but over time, his tolerance to changes did improve. It still has a long way to go, but it is improving over time and with persistence to help him expand his set of 'rules' for everything.
Hello friendsI had a situation yesterday that I wonder if anyone can relate to. My 4.5 yo dd who is pdd/nos and asd went to get ice cream yesterday at a popular water ice place called Rita's. We go every day now because it is hot and because the custard is one of the few foods that she will eat (only white things). Only this time we went to a DIFFERENT shop in a DIFFERENT part of town. Well, she freaked out. Crying, screaming, saying that she wanted her ice cream. When I handed it to her she tasted it and said "I want my ice cream." I had to throw it away! Would not stop until we drove to the place that we usually go to. Are your children so attached to things that a slight alteration completely upsets them? How do you handle this? I know some special children need routines, but ice cream IS ice cream!
stressed,
Yvonne/missnippy
Yes, autistic kids do like routine, but in my opinion, you have to have limits. You cannot let them control the world. I think her behavior should have had immediate, negative consequences - i.e., ok - you're going to throw a fit, then you get NO ice cream, and off we go. Endure the tantrum. I would not give in to these sorts of unreasonable demands.
Oh, we are so ruled by sameness it is unbelievable. I started early by walking a different way to the park, rearranging furniture once in awhile, breaking the rules every now and then like mismatched pajamas. My daughter cries until she's choking and gagging when things aren't the same but she can tolerate change a little better each year. i always leave some of the sacred things alone, like where her stuffed animals sleep, never start the car without my seatbelt on, put her in the car before her brother.
I once had to wait 2 hours for someone to move their car that was parked too close because she won't go in any other door.
Rita's ice cream is Rita's ice cream. Different ice cream is different ice cream.
fred - my thoughts exactly. That is what I was going to post as well! Ds used to have fits like that occasionally when he was much younger. He then didn't get what he wanted. Eventually, he learned to ask nicely for things and he also learned that he needed to be more flexible. He isn't always, but he is much more so! I never gave in when he was having a fit - if you do, it teaches them that having fits will get them their way. After he would settle down, we would talk about what had happened. I often got some insight into his thinking this way and we would talk about why I wouldn't let him get/do whatever it was. He learned from this too. You obviously can't do it during a meltdown because they are beyond any kind of rational thought at that time - talking must be done after they are settled down, but pretty soon after so they don't forget.
BTW, we used to live in Pittsburgh and LOVED Rita's Italian Ice! When they had the flavors, I would combine the banana and chocolate flavors - to die for! Just thinking about it now, I am getting hungry...
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