My dd turned 5 last month.
The flash cards are a good idea but so far she has not responded to social stories... I will try anything though.
She is considered age appropriate with her expressive and receptive language. She has been tested about four times and her scores look good. She was never really late with speech but her development has been odd. She spoke on time but mainly used labeling and echolalia until she was three. She did have some sentences at two but she didnt really conversate with me, just pointed things out and asked for things she wanted. She seemed to learn spontanious language through memorizing and now, she is pretty good but she is still a little different from her peers. She does not converse as natural as they do and her sentence structure and her grammar are really off. She does talk a lot though and she can talk back and fourth with other kids. She tries.
I dont think she comprehends well. One doctor she saw suggested ADHD because he saw her as impulsive. I just dont think that is it. I see it as "not getting it."
Can this tie into a theory of mind issue. I wonder if she doesnt realize I am mad or her brother is sad. I wonder if she does these things again and again because she does not sense she will get in trouble...even though she has been in trouble for it many, many times before.
I have tried the Sally-Anne test on her, she failed. What age is it considered failed? Like I said, she just turned 5...should she have passed?
There are many children on the spectrum who have auditory processing disabilities. Perhaps your daughter truly is not processing or understanding what is being said to her. Have you taken her to a pediatric psychologist or a developmental pediatrician?jeeze... My whole life as a kid I was punished over and over for similar things, typically involved being mean or rough with my younger sis, we 2 did not get along, i did not understand her feelings, never saw things thru her eyes, how my behavior effected her. I also got into trouble alot during school, similar stuff, occasional fights, aggression, ect. I heard them say i should not do it, then, well... i dont have words to discribe it, would probably need to see the world as an NT to have that relative thought compaired to how I saw the world then. Often, I was sorry only because I was punished, did not care I maby hurt my sisters feelings or got lunch detention for creating a disturbance on the bus.If you really want to test for Theory of Mind, the Sally-Anne test doesn't really tell you much, because as gtto pointed out once, it requires fairly complex receptive language skills to get the question.
You might get more specific awareness of your child's strengths and weaknesses in this area by completing this checklist from the book "Parenting Your Asperger Child."
http://printables.familyeducation.com/tv/printables/fe/pc/0, ,33712-1563,00.pdf
My autistic son lashed out at his younger brother for many years, and I saw it as a combination of lack of impulse control plus mind-blindness. When we were reading books, he could answer questions about how a character might feel, but in a lot of situations, he experienced his own perspective so powerfully that he didn't consider the other person.
We kept working on it, and it improved with time by the time he was 7 or 8. He still gets all caught up in his own perspective sometimes, but his impulse control is sooo much better.
Good luck with everything.
Thanks for the replies:)
I use time out for disapline. She used to sit on a bench in the hallway but all she did was sit there and ask again and again when she could play again. Sometimes she would cry but mostly she cried because she was mad at me for putting her there, I dont think she cried over what she did to get there.
Now she either goes to her room or sits on the couch. She usually cries more on the couch...she does not like it there for some reason. But sitting her there makes her closer to me and we can talk about what she did.
This "not getting" it applies to almost everything. Just after my original post she was asking her baby brother to sit with her and watch cartoons. He does not understand what she is saying so I told her that he is just a baby and he will understand her when he is just a little older. Just a few seconds of me telling her this, she asked him again...ahhhhhhhhhhhh...she does not process a thing I tell her and its really getting to me.
She comes off as a brat and I am afraid for her. She is not a brat and I dont think she is a "bad listener" on purpose.
You don't mention the age of your daughter, or her verbal ability so I'm not sure if this will apply.
My son is verbal, but with a significant speech delay in both receptive and expressive language. He has also proved to be a very visual learner. When he started EI preschool, the teachers used a combination of verbal and visual cues for behavior and followed 1-2-3 magic for non-compliance. I thought this worked so well I carried it over into home.
C used to babble alot at inappropriate times when other were talking. We had a little 2 x 2 laminated card with a picture of a person with their mouth closed and the SHH finger over it. When C would babble I would get him to look at me and then hold up the card and simulataneously stay "quiet mouth." This worked great in church. We had cards for "still hands," "still feet," "no throwing" etc.
You might want to make up some flashcards to cover house rules, laminate them and put them on a ring. You could make a card with a picture of the couch with a kid jumping and a big red X through it. When your daughter jumps on the couch, get her to look at you (either by getting in her face, turning her head, calling her name - whatever works for you) and hold up the card and say "no jumping."
I've found that using a visual cue in conjuction with a short verbalization worked so much better for my son than verbal alone. Now that he is 6 we don't do this anymore because the verbal is enough, but for a few years the combined verbal/visual approach worked wonderfully.
Do spectrum kids have "listening problems?" I know ALL kids do, but with my dd something is different.
I dont think she gets rules. Like, jumping on the couch...we tell her several times daily but sure enough, she keeps going. Things like jumping on the couch are frusterating but when it comes to hurting her brother, I am getting pushed to my limit.
She scratched his face today. She does not seem to care less about it either. I dont know if there is an empathy issue here but it seems to be emerging. She is five and is not showing too much concern for others. I think by now she should.
I asked her why she hurt him and she told me it was because she wanted to sit at the computer but he was in the chair. He cried and I was clearly upset...instead of reacting she went to her room to play. I pulled her out when all was calm and I asked her how it felt to see her brother cry...she said she didnt like him. I dont know if she truly understands my questions or not but I am really bothered by this.
About an hour after this happened she ended up pushing him and again, he cried. She said she did it because he was in her way. We went over AGAIN that we do not hit or push...or scratch in this house and she was in trouble. She cried...but I think my yell made her cry, not her "feeling" bad.
How can I get my dd to really listen and understand the rules around here. I feel like a broken record saying the same dang things over and over again everyday.
I am afraid she will never "get" things...
Well, yes, that is part of the problem. Caden, 4, really doesn't have the concept of other people yet, so this isn't an issue for him except when he steals other people's food from them. It doesn't matter the amounts of time I tell him no or even try to explain to him, he doesn't understand.