I have this memory of when my ds was 4.5 (not yet diagnosed):
He said "I'm hungry. Can we eat?'
and I said "Well, let's go eat'.
And he said "what does 'let's go eat' mean".
And I said "Well, we should eat"
And he said "What does 'we should eat' mean?"
And at that point I kind of got frustrated and told him that since he just
asked me to eat he obviously knew what eat means and what was all this
about. And he kind of just said 'Oh yes of course I know what it means'.
But I could tell he was really confused , kind of like he knew words but
did not understand them. But he understood that he was supposed to
know and so he just pretended.
3 years later I realize that sometimes he can not process language and I
feel horrible for all the times I got impatient with him. And I feel very
bad and amazed that he knew soo young that he 'should' be knowing
something he did not and that it was 'best' to pretend.
Do you feel that your kids sometimes pretend to have a social or
language skill they don't have? What do you do when that happens?
hI I AM SHELL MUM OF SIX FOUR ON THE SPECTRUM
I ALSO HAVE ASPERGERS
I HAVE ROLE PLAYED ALL MY LIFE BEHAVING AND SPEAKING HOW I THOUGHT PEOPLE WANTED ME TO BE. JUST TO FIT IN THE NORMAL WORLD IF THERE IS SUCH A THING.
IT WAS NOT UNTILL I GOT MARRIED THAT I COULD JUST BE
AND BEHAVE IN SELF WAY
I USED TO PRETEND I HAD LOTS OF FRIENDS BUT THAT WAS BECAUSE I DIDNT UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERANCE BETWEEN FRIENDS AND PEOPLE WHO SPEAK TO YOU LOL
HOW NIEVE I WAS
YOUR SO IS CONFUSED BY HOW YOU SAY THINGS NOT WHAT YOU SAY
YOU SAID LETS GO EAT
INSTEAD OF LETS GO EAT DINNER
IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE TAKING HIM SOMEWHERE LOL
pRETENDING WILL STAY WITH HIM FOREVER IT DOESNT GO AWAY
WE JUST LEARN WHO WE CAN BE OURSELVES WITH AND WHO STILL REQUIRES PRETENCE.
DONT FEEL GUILTY ITS JUST A MATTER OF THINKING BEFORE YOU SPEAK AND GIVEING THEM TIME TO PROCESS THE INSTRUCTIONS
IF I CAN HELP IN ANY WAY PLEASE ASK
LOVE SHELL
http://groups.msn.com/autismaspergersinthefamily
aspergers kids do want to interact they just dont know how to
they are either to rough or to shy
i remember at school wanting so much to walk round with a group of girls they called me crazy looney retard mong you name it i got it.
then all of a sudden they were smiling all the time.
i started to follow more closley and they said smiling
if you hide the duster for the blackboard that means we are friends
so i did and other things to
it was years later that i realised it was the fact i would do it not that they wanted to be my friend
lol
i assumed anyone who spoke to me was a friend i was none the wiser
love shell
im off to bed its 1.30 am
if you need me email me leave a message here or visit my group
its been a pleasure
love shell
I am so glad you posted this. My dd does this. She asks random "what does this mean" questions that she should "get" based on the situation all the time.
I suspect she is on the spectrum however, we did not get a dx. Her dr. felt she did not warrent one. Language is a huge concern for me though. I was told that she does have processing issues and even though we have that on paper, I cant find a therapist to take her on because they test her and they dont think she needs help based on her testing scores. I am frusterated.
I get upset with her sometimes too. Its frusterating to hear her ask such "silly" questions. I know they are not silly but for crying out loud, its obvious most of the time.
I dont know what to do...I would love to hear the responses to this.
Um, I have pretended to understand things occasionally just to get the other person to shut up
So, we talk a little more about what he was confused about - these are GREAT teaching moments!
BTW, I'm a fairly bright person and am NT - but sometimes you run into people who just won't shut up and you could care less what they are talking about (and they like to hear themselves talk). So, that is when I tune out and nod my head in what seems like appropriate places.
Shell, is this kind of like what you did or a lot different?
I'm guessing I'm not the only one who does this - anyone else like to 'fess up?
Well you need to get a second opinion for a start
and if you need to know anyhting about how we think please ask
even if her tests scores were high you can still sit another assessment
the A.D.O.S
autism diagnostic observational scale is 99% accurate very little margin of error
ask your gp to send you for one
if he refuses you can ring the hospital child development center and make a parental refferal
They are not silly to her she speaks ans she finds if you dont ask the right question how can she give the correct reply
i also used to get and lucas does it now
you and i mixed up
instead of i want a drink i would say you want a drink because that is how it was said to me .its all in the wording
if you need me anymore please ask or visit my group
http://groups.msn.com/autismaspergersinthefamily
HI YES I WHEN I WAS SMALL ILEARNT TO BLOCK ANY NOISES I DID NOT WANT TO LISTEN TO ALL I SAW WAS A MOVING MOUTH NO WORDS .
USUALLY WHEN SOMETHING FRUSTARTED OR CONFUSED ME I WOULD USE IT LIKE A SHIELD
I DO IT STILL BUT NOT AS MUCH I NOW TRY TO UNDERSTAND THINGS INSTEAD OF LOCKING THEM AWAY
LOVE SHELL
http://groups.msn.com/autismaspergersinthefamily
I'm not sure what to do either - but generally, if I see him doing that, I try to broach the issue immediately. Unless, of course, there are others around and it isn't prudent to do so. Those are great teaching moments (think I've said that before?)! Then I wait and I talk to him about it later.
I do think that it is good that he is WANTING to fit in and is figuring out how to even pretend to do so. Well, in some ways - I hate that our kids have to sometimes pretend to be something they are not. But the desire to fit in is HUGE. You'll have to watch it, of course, as he gets older. I've talked with parents of teenagers with ASD who have gotten in a lot of trouble by trying to fit in. Other kids can take advantage of that.
I've read that kids with PDD-NOS (in general - certainly not all) tend to want to be more social than kids who have Asperger's. If that is the case, then my ds (and yours) certainly have the right diagnosis!
there is not a lot you can do
play acting at home
mimicing child play if you go through the routine of playing he will adapt it at school our kids are a blank canvas and we need to draw the outline for them they then learn how to color it in
l
example
pretend to play a game and ask if he wants to play then go through the motions of what shall we play shall we play that sort of thing i lnow it sounds crazy but because he will have learnt the basics of play from acting it out with you
it will help him outside from you to
always add rules rules are very important they will be scared if they dont know what to expect
love shell
My son never asked what something meant till much later! But if I asked him if he knew what something meant, he has almost always said yes. I get this "eager to please, I don't want to be any trouble" vibe from him when he does this, but can usually tell that he's not totally catching the drift. (I pretend too, if I don't catch what someone is saying for some reason, especially if I've already asked them to repeat or explain something already in the conversation).
I'm constantly finding surprising holes in his vocabulary (knife "handle" was a recent one), and finding him using words in an appropriate context that he doesn't fully understand.
Your son asking two times in a row what does this mean what does that mean makes it sound like scripting to me.
Life is a lot more frustrating for both the parent and the child when you don't know what you're dealing with, so I understand your regrets, but try not to feel guilty. You're doing a great job.
I KNOW AND THANKYOU THAT IS WHY I STUDYED AND LEARNT EVERYTHING I COULD
I DID THREE COURSES IN AUTISM AND BEHAVIOURS
HE WILL EVETUALLY LEARN TO PUT HIS SENTANCES TOGETHER I WAS NEARLY 14 WHEN I LEARNT TO SPEAK FLUENTLY
IT IS VERY FRUSTARTING TO KNOW WHAT YOU NEED BUT NOT BE ABLE TO GET IT OVER TO SOMEONE .
AND CHILDREN WITH ASD WILL ADAPT THE CLOSEST THING THAT WILL WORK
LOVE SHELL
im off to bed its 1.30am here
if you need me please please
leave a message send email or pop in my group im around somewhere
love shell
http://groups.msn.com/autismaspergersinthefamily