The teasing (verbal abuse) in my childhood over not being able to do something was extreme to the point where my brother killed himself at 17, my other brother had a nervous breakdown at 18 and my sister was agorophobic for 10 years starting at the age of 16. I just moved very far away.
I still feel lucky too that this is all we have to deal with. i've had therapy, I can say myself that I'm completely okay with him being delayed it's my physical reation of getting sick that is what I'm trying to overcome.
He needs me and i'm crumbling.
I'll wade in here on this one. First...Kudos to you - you are not your parent (or whomever it was) that heaped so much verbal abuse on your childhood head that it created such massive anxiety it over learning (or teaching) anything. From your remarks, it is apparent that you are willing, but feel your hands are tied in the how to go about helping your child. Perhaps seeking some additional counseling on how to cope with the fears you have would be appropriate at this time - we all need refreshers and support now and again.
Get support from wherever you can - this board has tons of resources, both in the people and in the links they provide in the various threads. I'm sure you'll find a variety of ideas in how to go about helping and teaching your son. Some basic concepts are:
1) Break it down into very small, baby steps. It is not a question that your child cannot learn. Be positive about it. Know in your heart that your child can learn - he will simply do so at a slower rate than "normal", but he will do so at a rate that is right for him.
2) I'm sure you know what makes him feel safe at home. That same structure, routine and repetition that makes him feel safe is what he will need to learn. Drill and repetition with positive reinforcement is what will help him learn the quickest.
3) Use what is referred to as the "task/analysis method" - breaking down a complex task or concept into its component parts arranged in a logical teaching sequence. Begin by stating the task you want him to learn. Then list the skills that are necessary for him to do the task, and all the steps in the task. Put them in a logical teaching sequence, and then start at his baseline (where he is in being able to have the skill(s) to do the task) and teach him each step in a variety of ways until he has mastered that step - until learning that step has occurred - and then move to the next and then put the two together. Baby steps.
As far as teaching your son, breaking it down into baby steps applies to you, too
I'm new here and not sure how this board works but I was hoping to get some help/advice with a problem of mine. I have a very hard time dealing with the fact that my son with microcephaly and autism will probably be cognitively delayed. I find it very hard to watch him not understand or be unable to do something to the point where I am unable to teach him. I am getting help with my physical symptoms of stress( I get physically ill) but I still back down from teaching when we hit something he's just not getting.
I would really appreciate some advice, I have to get over this fear.
You learn to really get excited when they can do something. My neighbor has a child with cancer. I feel we are so lucky to have Autism vs Cancer. I guess what I am saying is -- It could be worse. But it is still difficult at times.Thank you for your replies, very helpful. He is 2 now and has kept up until now. Since we are on a break from early on services I have really noticed this gut reaction. We spend the days doing things, like going to the park, baking, playing but it's the one on one where I noticed my problem.
Thanks again
My son is almost 13 and even though he was dx'd with PDD-NOS, and now Aspergers. he too is cognitively delayed. I have been told it is unusual for someone with the AS dx to be cognitvely delayed, but how we handle it is to rejoice in what he can do and try to adapt to the things he has problems with. He is in special ed 1/2 days (will be next year) and his younger brothers are outpacing him in many ways, but I was recently told that he will learn, it will just take longer and he will be able to do most things. Albiet with adaptations.
Try to control your anxiety any way you can, and live in the moment.
I would enlist help as much as you can. ABA therapy helps a lot. It is the easiest way most autistic kids learn, and you collect data on their progress. Maybe that would get rid of some of your anxiety, because all the kids I know learn skills, it's just they all learn at different rates.When my son was 2, I used to joke "he's not incapable of learning, he's just incapable of being taught!" (Why I didn't consider that a major red flag I'll never know). One-on-one learning situations were incredibly frustrating and stressful for both of us, so I can see why it would trigger a kind of post-traumatic stress for you.
- Plan ahead how you want to approach a problem and what you will do if he doesn't seem to understand. Feel free to ask for teaching ideas on whatever it is you want to work on.
- Use as few words as possible and as much visual support as possible.
- As Amamcara suggested, go with baby steps. I was just reading up myself on teaching kids to dress themselves (my son hasn't completely mastered this at age 9), and they suggested starting by teaching the last step first and working backwards. That way, the task is always finished on a note of success.
Good luck with everything!