I feel so alone and overwelmed...vent | Autism PDD

I am married but i feel like i am a single a parent.I have three children my 6 year old has autism with mild mental retaredation and my 8 year old has biplor and my12 year old has mild mental retardation.I love my girls so much but at times i get overwelmed. I am a stay at home mom so i am with them 24-7and at times i need a brake but when they are acting out my husband goes in the bed room and shuts the door.or when we are at the pool and my 6 yearold acts out i have to take her home and my husband stays to hang out with my brother.Or my brother will call and my husband he goes right out the door.And on weekends when he is off his friend will call and out the door he goes leaving me with the kids.

I Tell him this are your children to but he tells me i don't ask you to do my job.

Don't get me wrong i love being a stay home mom i just wish i could get more help from my husband.

Thank god i get res.care 6 hours a day mon.-fri.

danielle39291.4737847222jeeze, this sounds so problem, i wonder why its always the husband who tends to be the negletfull one. Thats not fair, u both have an equal shair of responsibility, does he beleive that just because he has a job thats paying the bills that he gets to automaticly do whatever he wants during his time off, leaving u to always be the one watching the kids. Its sad, i know my father worked, my mom stayed home, but he also did his shair of the work, seems this occures less now days, especally if the children are disabled.

I have no advice, just that I hope u can convince him that hes wrong and hes being completly unfair. I know when I someday hopefully have a family I fully intend to be their, and ill have a job also, when u have a family priorities change and it sounds like hes still living the life as a married man without kids.

I don't want to turn this into a hubby-bashing post. You haven't said anything else about him besided the fact that you need more help.

Is he a good father & husband ? Does he do other chores or stuff around the house ? If the overall answer is yes....then do have the heart - to - heart and explain that you NEED him to help and the more he does help the easier it will be everyone in the long run.

I'm a single mom ( for 5 years now ) and when I was married....I said the same thing...." I may as well be a single mom, for all the help he gives me".....for ME....the divorce was the best thing I could have EVER done for myslef.......BUT.....he was NOT at all a good husband, verbally and mentally abusive, drank too much, gambled ......I could go on and on....but that is for a different support web site

Tzoya is right.....my ex is completely alone, alienated himself from his OWN family ( I talk to his parents & sister more than he does) and he RARELY sees his kids.

But if your guys is over all a good guy, don't heave him out yet.....some marriage counseling might help ( or just counseling for yourself ) to help you understand how to get what you need from the relationship.

Edited to add:

please tell us the secret to getting 30 hours of respite a week....did I read that correctly ?? Who did you contact for that ??

allisa39292.2382060185This is the most important thing. One day he will be a lonely old man. He will have no relationship with his kids. He will lose out. Of course, they will lose out, too. I realize you posted this for yourself, but the BIG LOSER is your husband. I hope he opens his eyes soon. I am a Dad who has a job that lasts 24 hours a day for 4 days of the week. I understand that my wife can't do it all and I love being Tyler's Dad. I try hard to be good at it and I love her and him with all of my heart. That being said, nobodys perfect and always perceptive to each others wants and needs. Tell Him for god's sake what exactly that you want from him. We are not mind readers.

After rereading your post, Tell your husband that with 3 special needs children he has to do a hell of a lot more than what he has been doing. He needs to realize that the days of going out with his buddies are over, unless there is a rare occasion when all is right with you and the girls.

Tell him to GROW the hell UP.I married someone like that but he is not very social. I'm in the same boat, I do it all too. My daughter is in school and my son will be in pre-school this Dec.( My son is behind, still does not talk. He'll be 3 in Dec. I'm having him tested for delays. Gotta get the ball rolling.) When my kids are in school,maybe I'll go back to college. well, id give my left pinky to afford just 5 hours of respite a month. you are so lucky to get that. im a single mom who has to stay at home. there is no husband and my ex has no visitation rights at all not that i think hed use them. never has. so since my sons birth (actually since i found out i was pregnant) its all me all day all the time. (my extended family consists of three) and there are no friends left because its all my son all the time. i can understand how frustrating it is to have someone you have to look at who isnt helping, its maddening! and yes you should talk to him, but it could be much harder. the fact is there is someone there some of the time, im sure on occasion hes with the children and does something. and there is at least a single income in the house. its hard, but you will get through it and hopefully yall can talk and you can make him see how hard it is.As a husband I can understand both sides. After a 8hr job some times it is nice to get a break, which would have to be when at home. On the other hand, I was a stay at home dad and can understand thinking that when the spouse comes home that its time for the break that you've been putting off all day.

To me the biggest (for the dad) thing is why bother to have the kids if you are just planning on letting the wifey do everything? Won't you miss out on raising them?

Danielle,

Sounds like your husband is clueless on all you do and not very considerate of your feelings..I would have a heart to heart with him and tell him exactly what you need and how you feel and how he makes you feel when he just ditches you like this.. maybe some counseling is in order.

I have a dh similiar but he does do a lot around the house on weekends..when I cook at night he does the dishes. He doesnt mind doing laundry, grocery shopping and always does the yard work and takes care of the cars...but child rearing and engaging..care & entertainment comes strictly from me..sometimes I just tell him I am going shopping by myself or else I will have a nervous breakdown.

....If he gets selfish I pay in back in spades in other areas:P

Communication is your best tool to get him to help you..once he starts to watch and participate more he will see you are not living a life of luxury eating bonbons all day..I just think sometimes they havent a clue on all it takes to raise kids..even nt kids..it is a full time job~ Good luck:) BE STRONG!!!!

Remind him that your job ends at 5pm when his job ends then it's up to both of you to share the role of parenting. This includes weekends - both home, both share in the responsibility.

Tell him his job does not last 24hrs a day 7 days a week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pick a time to go out and take a break. Tell him you are leaving and what time you will be back. Maybe then he will see things a little differently.