Having another child? | Autism PDD
We're trying right now, with our son (likely PDD-NOS, not diagnosed)
about to turn 3. Now more than ever, we want another! It will be hard,
esp. if he's not potty trained when the other arrives, but I think he
will benefit tremedously from a sibling. I think yours will too! Hang
tough...
I think the chances of your second child being on the spectrum is like 5 or 6 to 10%. If the second child is on the spectrum then the odds increase with the third child. But life is about taking chances. I don't think Jeffrey got the concept of another sibling in the house until Gabe was actually born. Now with Gabe, I took him with me when Jeffrey went to see his neuro so the doctor was able to observe Gabe since birth. But you shouldn't stress yourself out too much being pregnant. As my kids neuro told me it is the luck of the draw or the unluck.
Tammy
Congrats on your pregnancy!
We have a 3 yr old daughter with Autism and a 19 mo old typical son who has speech delays (but that is from his frequent ear infections).
I understand yours and your fiance's concerns. It is valid. With us, our son was already born before we realized that our daughter would be autistic. We did go through a rough phase, but that was because we didn't know what was wrong w/ our daughter. Early intervention has helped tremendously and having a little brother has been invaluable to her social development and progress. Why? Because we have to make it work. There is not option for exclude our son from hers or our lives. The great thing is that it forced us to address social issues that we wouldn't dare address in public because she would have a huge meltdown and cause a terrible scene. For instance, sharing toys or learning not to push her little brother to where he falls. Learning to help out and do daily living skills. I know our son has benefitted to because he has a permanent playmate and an occassionally whacky sister who is an endless source of entertainment...no matter what she does (spinning in circles to reciting episodes of Dora the Explorer).
I think you ought not to worry about it. Just take steps to seek early evaluation and interventions (if needed). You do not want to make the fatal mistake of worrying so much about this that you do not enjoy your pregnancy, your daughter and your family. Take it one day at a time...everything will work out for the best.
Thanks! I am not due until March 29th 2006! I am not the one who is too worried about it.. Its my other half! Our daughter was in early intervention until she turned 3 and now she is going to a school for MRDD Children! I thought about once it started getting closer to the time when the baby is due to talk to her teacher at school and get her input on how to try to explain it to her! There is alot of potential for veroniqua at school! When she went for the 3 week summer program she started to understand what you were asking her or telling her alot better! She also went for approx 10 words too 20-25 words!
I am excited about this baby! I am hoping for a boy as i have 3 girls one with ADHD, one normal, and one with PDDNOS. But i will be happy either way! By the way does anyone know of any books that they have to read to children about mommy having a new baby?? just curious!
Thanks again to all of you
Yes. I have an almost 4 yr old daughter w/mild autism, PDD-NOS and mild CP. My son is turning 2. He makes perfect eye contact. On the ball w/everything. His speech isn't great but he uses the signs we taught Anna. SO far he seems pretty typical.
They compliment each other perfectly! Anna is slow, always looking around at everything and Isaiah is fast and direct. SHe can't run or jump well and he runs and jumps on everything. SHe is too careful and he is dangerous. I couldn't imagine how hard things would be for Anna if she didn't have her little brother. He has taught her more than anyone or anything.
I remarked to my husband recently "As long as Anna and Isaiah have each other their lives will no doubt be a great success" Meaning that what they can do for each other is rare and wonderful.
I hope this has helped you. It is wonderful you are having another. Creating a bigger family and adding more ingredients to the stew makes for a flavorful meal. (: Everyday will be a feast for the eyes, heart and soul. I love having so many hugs and kisses to give and get!
Hi Angie
My son jason (3) was diagnosed with several things including autism we just had a new baby at the end of January. So far his development has been normal and he is very passive and happy. His brother adores him and imitates everything he does. Jason did regress a little but not for long. We worried that Sam would be the same as jason but so far nothing. There are some Ages and stages questions that you can get if you have an FRC that will help you to watch for the signs that may need attention with the baby. Just let things take there course and what will be will be kids have a way of making things be okay.
Hi Angie!I gave birth to Andrew 2 months after finding out that Luke has PDD NOS. I've posted on here several times about my worry be/c Luke seemed to regress a bit. I was assured by many that regression happens even with NT kids! Well, it seems they were right. Luke is bouncing back. His only remaining 'regress' is that whenever we go out with the baby, he likes to be held, too, and not walk. But when he and I go shopping together he walks into the stores just fine!
as far as your baby being 'worse' -- well, there's no way of knowing at this point, is there? Having a baby is always a 'gamble' to an extent, isn't it? we have no way of knowing what the future holds. Chances are that your next child will not be on the spectrum, though the odds are a bit higher. The best thing you can do for yourself AND your baby AND your dd is to relax, pray for a healthy child, and continue to love and assist your dd the best you can.
God bless.
Kellie
Hi angie,
I am pregnant right now too. I am due soon though. Hopfully anyday. I think we all have the same worries once we have a special needs child but Kellie is right about something...i've always seen having children as a gamble persay. I think that now honestly if I get another child on the spectrum that will be ok. It will be hard but I know I can make it through. There are worse things out there to have to deal with. I talk to Adam about the baby all the time but I dont' think things actually set in with him until he can actually see them. I do however show him pictures in a book with the big belly and the baby inside the belly and then point to my belly and he will sometimes come to my belly and say, " lets get a new baby" but I dont' think he understands completely. That's ok though...he will learn about the baby once he gets here. Not too much different than having children that are really close in age where the older one is too little to understand.
Karrie
Angie,One other suggestion ... in this glorious state of Ohio (UGH), early intervention allows you to put a newborn in their system so that every now and then they'll do a developmental assessment on your child to be sure he/she is not delayed. This way, if they DO find a delay (God forbid) your child is already in their program and there won't be a huge delay time to get him/her involved with therapy, if need be. We've done that for Andrew and I feel safer knowing that any developmental challenges can be dealt with that much sooner, rather than waiting to see if he'll grow out of them. Not sure if every state will allow these assessments, so you may want to check.
Kellie
Hi Angie,
Congrats!!! I think its wonderful you are pregnant... I know we all have fears, but I think I read somewhere that there was a 3% chance your next child could be dx w/ ASD... honestly, we are trying ourselves and my Nicholas is now 4 1/2 and we have the same concerns as you and your fiance', but whatever the case, a NT child or not, you will be fine, will you have challenges, sure, but you'll know so much more than you did before your dd was dx'd ...you'll have the upper hand and know what to expect for the most part if your next child is on the spectrum and that is a big if too...please please please try to relax, tell your fiance, you understand his fears but the best thing for you and the new baby is for his mommy to try to have peace of mind and not be stressed out constantly. I'm sure if he would agree!
I'm looking forward to hearing all about your little bundle of joy...when are you due? and Karrie...I hope you go soon too, I remember thinking...okay I am sooo ready at like 8 mths LOL...it'll be hear soon and enjoy any time you can to be alone and sleep girl LOL you know those days are going to be gone quick LOL
best to you both!
hugs,
Ali
As a mom of three my first nt and my second dd being epileptic I was very scared and had concerns about our third having epliepsy also. Before Zach was born we knew he had a heart defect so we knew that they would be spending a lot of time with him and it was possible that he would end up in NICU and heart surgery might shortly follow. Well as things turned out, yes he has a heart defect his right ventricle is large and his left ventricle is small, but his heart works great. It is hypoplastic (thin walled) but they said as long as he leads a healthy life style it should never bother him. WWhheww. Then they noticed that he had chordee, too much blood in his system (had to drain some off of him), jaundice, pink diaper syndrome, and a brain bleed. All of this before he was 2 mo. old. constant ear infections from birth, deaf by 4 mo. and tubes placed in his ears, 7 mo. old chordee repair and skin graft. I thought I was never going to get him to his first birthday some days. He was so sick all the time. Yeast infections so bad his butt would bleed.
Here all that time I had been worrying about epilepsy and it isn't even a factor. You just never know what God is going to give you and you just have to play the cards you are delt in life.
Hang in there, try not to worry (I know it's impossible as a mom, LOL) and pray for a happy healthy baby. (((HUGS)))
Hi everyone one! Well I am pregnant and having alot of problems with my fiance about this! He is extremely worried this child is going to be alot worse than our PDDNOS daughter! He is also worried about how she will react since we cant tell her and her understand about us having another baby! I am extremely streesed! Has anyone else been in this situation?? I am ready to rip my hair out! I understand his consern! He is worried about regression or even complete regression! Has anyone had a child after the Spetrum? Please tell me the problems you expierenced and if you didnt have any i wouild appricate knowing that! I am tring to look on the bright side! Thanks for reading my babiling, driving myself crazy post!!
I think I will just in with everyone else. Corbin started ei at 2 1/2 in Jan when I was 8 months pregnant. He was dx when Kayla was 3 mos old with pdd-nos.
I did see regression. I will be honest just so you have a well rounded picture. He started sitting in her car seat and bouncy seat all the time. He wants to be held alot more and stopped using his sign language as much. On the flip side he is getting services now so speech and sensory issues are much much better. He does have problems realizing how to play with her. She is now 6 mos old and he is 3. He will bite, hit, and push her. We do lots of time outs and take his toys. Now on better seizure meds his behavior is better! PLUS I work hard on teaching him to play in nice ways like tickle and peek-a-boo things on his level!
I constantly told him about baby before she came. When my belly started to show I would rub his hand on it and say baby. Near the end we played with dolls. None of that really helped alot, but I like to think it did.
There are tons of great book for you, fiance, and children. Go to the library so its free and you can try different ones. I personally dont like berenstain bears one. If you read you will see mom get big, dad and son go off to make him a big boy bed, come back and WOW mom had a baby.
Angie I don't know how old your girls are but for an older girl I suggest Elisa in the middle by Johanna Hurwitz, I'm a big brother/sister by Joanna Cole for a younger child. Or there is always the the Bernstein Bears and Mercer Mayer Little critter books both have a couple on the new baby. My son loved the little critter book he still didn't understand until we brought the baby home but it is a cute story anyways. I know the birth to 3 program here gave me some lists or questionnaires to fill out in regards to Gabe. They were to assist me in determining how his development was going. Maybe you could ask your birth to 3 program for some similar forms. It is broken down into like three to six months areas. Like what the average child will show from 0-3 months, it lists those, and so on. Tammy
As for Benjy's development, I feel like I'm in a constant state of panic about it. 
I'm always studying him and comparing him to how Jake was.
Already I can see a difference in their behavior, but I know that all
kids are different. I think I'll be able to be calm about it when
I know he's meeting his milestones. Keeping my fingers crossed....
It was great having Jordan. One, because of seeing what a "normal" baby
is like. Two, he was the greatest help for David because he wouldn't
let David stay in his own world. Sometimes Jordan was the only thing
that stopped me from ending it all because he gave me so much joy. I
loved David with a passion too but was so worried and scared for the
future as I hadn't had time to accept the dx properly.
I know the risks can be higher of having another child in the spectrum
and I did. My third child, Chelsea was in the spectrum too. But because
I knew what to look for I was intervening from a very young age. I
taught her to point at 12 months and was working on all her skills so
in fact it took a while for her dx as we had managed to deal with a lot
of the issues. She now has very few features of Autism left and in fact
to the untrained eye would only appear a little shy in groups.
I have read that stress during pregnancy may be a factor in Autism so
try and chill out and relax, easier said than done I know. I was the
stress queen when I was pregnant. And Chelsea was the best gift I could
ever have had and I'm sure this child will be a wonderful gift for you
too.
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