Night time potty training | Autism PDD
AARRGHH! I had a whole post typed up and somehow it got erased!
Anyway, we are working on getting ds (6) to stay dry at night. His sister (just turned 3) has been dry every night for a week. He didn't realize this until I told him yesterday - I hadn't wanted to make him feel bad, but I'm starting to think it's time he tried conquering this.
He has had nights where he has been dry off and on since he was 4 - but this hasn't happened recently at all (not in the last 4-5 months). But, we were selling our house, moving, etc. I was not going to push it. However, I'm feeling with about 6 weeks left before school that I would like to try now - before we get into the added pressure of kindergarten.
We (dh and I) have created a problem. We have given ds a sippy cup of water every night since he was 2 to have in bed. Our old house was SUPER-dry and all of us needed drinks at night. My dd also has a sippy in her crib at night. I have been putting less and less each night since we moved and have been talking to ds about this. This last week was a pretty minimal amount.
Last night, ds took a HUGE drink of water after brushing teeth. So, I was not very happy and didn't react well. I told him that then he would not have a cup by his bed last night. This, of course, did not go over well - he started crying. He did not have a meltdown though - it was just some sobbing and crying. I comforted him and we talked for a long time about how things take time and practice - being dry would not come overnight. Kind of like when he learned to ride his bike and write his name - it took a long time and a lot of practice - but he did it! I don't want him to feel ashamed, but I did put a little peer pressure on him. I mentioned that the twins down the street (who just turned 5) are dry at night. He was shocked and had never really thought about it before. Which led to a discussion as to what age kids usually are dry at night. I told him it was a very wide range but that most kids start staying dry between 3 and 4. But there are some kids who don't get there until they are 6 or older. I also emphasized that he HAS had some dry nights - it will just take time. And, having the water in his bed is not helping.
We have talked to him a lot the last few months about if he needs a drink to get up, go to the bathroom - GO POTTY - and get a drink. This morning, he was not dry, but a lot less wet than normal. He told me he got up twice to go potty. I for sure heard him one time and he usually doesn't make stuff up (unless it's what he thinks I want to hear!).
I'm also concerned because the twins desperately want him to have a sleep-over with them. I toid him that I wasn't very comfortable with him having a sleep-over until he was able to stay dry at night. He hadn't thought of this (so I'm sure I caused him a lot of worry last night
I'm not sure if I'm handling this right - I know I didn't do a very good job last night, but I just sense it's time. I know he can do it! Oh, I should mention that he does have Restless Leg Syndrome which does disrupt his sleep. So, I believe he probably sleeps extra deep at times and when that happens - he pees.
Anyway, I think this is going to be a long road. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this except for I knew you guys would understand how difficult this is!
UUUGH. I HATE it when Ilose a long post like that!
No, he should not have water in bed. But, could you cut in half, then half again, voer a week or so?
My son, 4.5 who trained about 1 yr ago seems FINALLY not to be having accidents. DH would get him up at midnight, for ages, to get him to pee, and that usually took care of it.
Good luck -- and BTW, boys' hormones are apparently different and it can be harder for them to stay dry all night ... on top of everything else.
Foxl - Thanks! That's what I've been doing - cutting it little by little over the last 2 months and ds is aware of that. This last week he has had very little water in the cup. Which is why, I'm sure, he took the HUGE drink of water right before bed!
We tried waking him up for a while - but if you get him at the wrong time, he is simply OUT OF HIS MIND! He gets very angry and basically has a meltdown. This does not work when his bedroom shares a wall with his sister (who sleeps lightly, I might add!). I should add that we haven't tried this in about a year and a half, so maybe we should try it again. I'm going to see how the "no water" embargo goes first!
Oh, to be without any diapers, pull-ups or Good Nites in the house - heaven!
Last summer in August (boys were 5) and dh was traveling for a week and I just decided I'd had enough of changing the entire bed each morning. I told the boys a BIG FAT LIE and it worked. I told them that I was so worried that they weren't waking up at night to go to the bathroom because it wasn't good for them to pee in the bed and get pee on their skin and get rashes (you get the idea) that I called the doctor and asked him what to do. I told the boys that the doctor said that they could no longer have drinks in their room at night. They bought it hook line and sinker. They grumbled for 2 nights or so and then it was fine. My dh was astounded to come home and find out I'd managed to pull this off. Now the kids wet only rarely, maybe once per month, and only then when they've been in an atypical situation (like my parents watching them) where they get more drinks than normal.
We also bought a cute dixie cup dispenser that we put in their bathroom in case they need a sip in the middle of the night, but the rule is they have to go potty first if they want a drink. Sometimes they'll wake up in the night and call for a drink, which I'll get as long as potty first.
[QUOTE=kristys]We also bought a cute dixie cup dispenser that we put in their bathroom in case they need a sip in the middle of the night, but the rule is they have to go potty first if they want a drink. Sometimes they'll wake up in the night and call for a drink, which I'll get as long as potty first.
[/QUOTE]
GREAT idea!
Kristy - Thanks! We have the dixie cup dispenser too - and that is our rule as well. You may get a drink as long as you go potty first!
You bring up a good point - maybe it will soon be time for the Good Nites to go as well and then he will end up in a wet bed. We have a waterproof mattress pad. But his comforter (which is HUGE) is really hard to wash. It is very heavy and we feel it creates enough deep pressure to help him sleep better. He has slept better ever since he has had it (about 7 months). Maybe this is also causing part of the problem though? I guess I could try to get a different comforter (this will be our 4th in 2 years!) and see. But, we got this comforter because it is just like the one his cousin had and he slept very well that night. Prior to that he had been waking up between 4:30 and 5:00 a.m. and not going back to sleep. He would stay in his room, but he would occasionally be loud and - let's face it - once you know your child is up for the day, how many of you are able to go back to sleep? I (and dh) were pretty much exhausted.
In addition, it is very hard to make his bed as it is a bunk bed against the wall. We got it because that is the ONLY bed he would sleep in when we did the transition from the crib. I have read in several places that bunk beds (the bottome at least) are often good choices for kids on the spectrum because they like the enclosed feeling they give.
So, I'm living with the consequences of these choices, I guess. They seemed good at the time - but now there are unexpected side effects...
Well, we'll see how the "no water" goes and then maybe soon we'll just have to go with underwear at night and see how THAT goes. We'll definitely start that on a Friday night so that dh doesn't have to be at work and can help with the night shift without me feeling so guilty!
How would he react to an alarm going off? We got one of the kids night trained by setting an alarm to go off every 2 hours. He'd get up and go potty, then go back to sleep. After a week it went to 3 hours, then 4, etc. It works well if you can find an alarm that allows you to set it to go off at multiple times.Good Luck!
With him having auditory sensory issues, I fear that would cause a meltdown. I don't know but that is something I could try as a last resort. He sleeps so deeply sometimes, I'm not sure it would work. I think I would have to be the alarm!I have a 5 year old and I am having trouble getting him trained. He had two different teachers with in the school year who obviously did not communicate with each other and had him a different stages of the process. This makes it difficult for me to work with him at home because I am trying very hard to do my job as a parent to get this done.
I also find it very aggravating to have my MIL nag me about when she has very little to no clue about autism in general no matter how many times I explain, give her very watered down easy to read pamphlets and books, etc. She is the type who will watch a fluff show like the View where they have wealthy guest on the show tell viewers that your children are supposed to get all of these wonderful services at the drop of a hat which WE all know that you don't get automatically and especially not with out having to fight with the school district. After watching shows like that, she will literally attack me in argument like I am a bad mother not doing anything to get ALL of these services for her grandson. I can't stand it when people can't think for themselves.
Anyway...who has tips for potty training?
Thanks to both of you! I'm trying really hard not to pressure him, but those twins down the street want a sleep-over in the worst way and I am not very comfortable doing that when he's still wetting. However, I did find out one new piece of info - one of the twins is still not dry at night (mom told me in confidence last night). I didn't tell her about my ds not being dry (he's a whole year older) as someone interrupted and we got distracted. But that twin just turned 5 - and that isn't very common either, although being still wet at night at age 6 is MUCH less common than age 5.
Anyway, he has been dry several nights in the past - in fact one time (over a year ago) we thought he was going to be staying dry permanently as he was dry 5 nights in a row. So, I'm just not sure what to do.
Thanks for the input that telling him about other kids will just make him more anxious - I kind of knew that but hearing it from someone who has been through it made it more clear. Thank you for that!
I guess I didn't mean rubber pants - but something that covers him. We do have a waterproof mattress pad - so the mattress won't get hurt. I'm just trying to not have to take his whole bed apart as it is SO hard to get all back together - I only do his sheets every 10 days or so because of that (unless he gets sick or something).
Kristy - when you put him on the floor did he have an accident after that? Because that's what I would worry about.
Maybe he's just not ready, but I have this gut instinct that he is. I should say that with daytime training, if I hadn't forced the issue I think he would still be wearing pull-ups! This is a different, because of the sleep issue.
I have thought of the alarms - I think they're pretty expensive if you do the vibrating thing, but I could maybe try it.
I don't want to cause him huge amounts of anxiety over this either. I was just hoping to conquer this before school starts when I'm sure it will be more difficult. I'm probably being horribly unrealistic though...
Thanks again guys!
Another thing I forgot to mention. When my kids do wet, they tend to wake up right away. Then they strip naked and try to climb in our bed. (A naked child that smells like pee climbing over me is a dead giveaway that we've had an accident.) What I do then is take the wet one back to the bedroom, wipe him down with a washcloth, put on fresh pjs and then give him a pillow and blanket and put him on the floor. The wet bed waits until morning. (I get up early for work - laundry in the middle of the night is not a good option for me!)
Re: alarm and auditory sensory issues, there is a whole market of alarm clocks out there aimed primarily at the elderly and hard of hearing. The alarms come with a cord that attaches to a disk that goes under the mattress and it causes the bed to vibrate when the alarm goes off. I believe you can set it to no noise and vibrate only. Just a completely random idea. Another option (don't shoot me) is you set your alarm for around 2 am, roust him into the bathroom for a potty break and put him back to bed. My guess is one potty break in the middle of the night is enough.
Another idea (I really should got to bed) is buy a twin inflatable aerobed (it's all rubber/vinyl), get some cheap sheets and a cheap blanket and let him sleep on that for a while. Much easier to clean up!
Take care - hope you have a dry night tonight!
The inflatable airbed is good (I sleep on one of those because I don't like to feel the the springs in a regular mattress). But even cheaper than that (about 5 bucks at Wal Mart) is a vinyl fitted cover that goes on the mattress just like a fitted sheet. Then you can put the sheets over that. If it gets wet, just change the sheets and the mattress isn't hurt. And it would be a heck of a lot more comfortable than rubber pants (no offense but jeeze! I'm getting all itchy just thinking about it!).
Unfortunately, though, bedwetting is just something they have to grow out of. The bladder sort of empties involuntarily because the nervous system has not yet developed enough to control the bladder muscle during sleep. Therefore, telling him that other kids don't wet the bed or that wetting the bed is wrong is not going to help things because it is not under his control the way it is when he is awake. In fact it may make him even more anxious at night (it did me).
Curbing the drinks can help, but other than that, he's just going to have to grow out of this one on his own, and some kids just take longer than others, whether they are ASD or not.
BTW kristys your story about the stripping naked and climbing in bed with you is hilarious.
Snoopywoman,
Once we put him on the floor he wouldn't have another accident after that. I can't recall a time that we had more than one accident in a night.
I don't think the stigma of wetting the bed is so huge at age 5 that he can't have a sleepover. Every summer we go to visit family in Utah for 2 weeks and my boys sleep in a bedroom with their 4 cousins. My two are 6, there is a 7 year old girl and three other boys aged 5, 8 and 13. Logistics are 2 sets of bunks (twin/twin and twin/full) and a cot. We always make sure that C is on the twin bottom bunk, by himself, closest to the door. Last summer he had accidents almost every night (moreso than at home). This year he only had 2 accidents (still more than at home), but it's a totally different routine / environment. When C would have accidents, he would strip, come to our bed, I'd get up, go into the room, turn on a light, change him, strip and change bed (no floorspace to put him on floor there) and put him back to bed. None of the other kids woke up except one kid once, last year and I just told her to go back to sleep and she did. I don't think the other kids had any idea that C was wetting the bed. They slept through the entire thing each and every time.
As long as your son is not in a situation where he might actually pee on one of the other kids (i.e. sharing a bed) then it might be just fine. I'm assuming you'll let them stay up later for the sleepover than normal bedtime, so taking his last bathroom break later might sway the odds even further in your favor. Personally, I wouldn't hold off the sleepover because of wetting, but that's just my opinion, every situation is different.
[quote]I don't want to cause him huge amounts of anxiety over this either. I was just hoping to conquer this before school starts when I'm sure it will be more difficult. I'm probably being horribly unrealistic though...[/quote]
It could happen. Don't give up on it. With me it happened all at once -- I suddenly just didn't do it anymore. There was still the occasional accident but it suddenly went from 3 or 4 nights a week to like 3 or 4 nights a year. It's like something in my brain just switched on and it suddenly took care of things while I slept. Best of luck.
Thanks! Actually, my ds is 6 - not 5. The twins are 5. And I'm more concerned about him wearing the Good Nites. He has not been dry in about 6-7 months at all. He has not ever wet the bed because he hasn't had the opportunity to do so - Good Nites work great. But, the stigma of wearing a pull-up to bed is what concerns me. However, if the one twin is wearing them too it might not be so bad. Although, it might make him say "See - X wears pull-ups too!"
We shall see, my dd wasn't dry last night either - and they went to bed really late (9:00 - which is 2 hours past their bedtime). Ds was up at 7:00 and not dry. Dd was up at 7:30 and not dry. They actually got less sleep, but both peed in their pull-ups. My son at 5 is still not potty trained for night. I go back and forth about this
as well. He is dry some nights and wet other nights. he wears pull ups to
bed. I had a heck of a time getting him to sleep through the night. I know
with him the longer I wait, the harder it will be. It seems that with him,
waiting until he is ready is never an option because he originally never
wanted to be potty trained during the day and only did so because we
insisted.
Snoopywoman-please keep us posted on your progress. I think a lot of other
parents are in the same boat. My son will be 6 in the fall. So he is not far
behind yr son in age.
Kristys- thanks for your imformative posts
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