Welcome to the forum. It sounds like you're doing the right thing getting him evaluated, but that you need some help to make your days go smoother in the meantime.
You're instincts are right that your child is frustrated. The triggers are there, but sometimes hard to spot -- for example it took us years to figure out that cooking smells were overwhelming our son. And sometimes the triggers seem trivial, but that's because they're carrying so much chronic stress that they're like the proverbial camel (as in the straw that broke the camel's back).
One prime source of frustration is probably sensory issues. Try doing this online checklist to help you identify what areas your child is under- and over-sensitive in.
http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-processin g-disorder-checklist.html
Another thing that will probably help you is learning how to identify when your child is on the verge of a meltdown and what to do about it. Here are some online resources about meltdowns that have been helpful to me and other parents on this forum (ignore the yellow highlighting and let me know if any links are broken):
http://www.jambav.com/modules/specialneeds/specialneeds.php? id=8 - Temper Tantrum Report (for documenting and analyzing meltdowns)
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv -ppiep&msg=2462.1& An unreliable link to an article called "Thoughtful Response to Agitation, Escalation and Meltdowns in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders." I am copying this article to a separate post below.
http://www.isec2005.org.uk/isec/abstracts/papers_m/myles_b.s html - "The Cycle of Tantrums, Rage, and Meltdowns in Children and Youth with Asperger Syndrome, High-Functioning Autism, and Related Disabilities" which is an article by Professor Brenda Smith Myles, with a list of 7 strategies you can use in the rumbling stage (ie agitation and escalation towards a meltdown/rage).
http://www.autism-pdd.net/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=16187&am p;am p;KW=inside+scoop - " 'Meltdowns': The inside scoop (or rant)" which is a popular topic on our forum started by Stickboy26.
Finally, to prepare for the kinds of questions the evaluator will probably ask you, try filling out the PDD questionnaire at www.childbrain.com.
Good luck with everything! I'll be thinking about you.
Hi Keri,
Hi Keri...I would say there are a lot of red flags there and you are doing the right thing by getting him evaluated!
I have a feeling a lot of his agression and frustration is coming from not being able to communicate. You can introduce pictures into his life and that might help A LOT. There are a lot of programs out there that offer pictures for communicating and schedules, things like that...what I do is just google something I am looking for and use those kinds of pictures...I do use a program called boardmaker too, but I got that from Mason's school and I do know it is quite expensive.
I too have 4 kids and understand what you are saying about the other kids missing out on you.
This is a great place to get help and support and a BIG WELCOME!
Hi Keri,Keri, hello! First, McKenzie's got a good mommy...you are brave and wise to try to find your own answers to something you say you've suspected for a year or so. Waiting two months for experts can be agony!
I do think you have found the right online support group, meaning that yes, it does sound like your little boy has some signs of autism. His communication delay, his enjoyment of being in his own little world, flapping his fingers, and his liking things "his way" are indeed symptoms.
And as for the tantrums? Please understand that many of these are simply related to being unable to communicate his needs and wants, plus being unable to completely understand what others are trying to say to him. Add on top of that the terrible twos!
Imagine parachuting into rural Sumatra...you arrive tired, hungry, thirsty. But you speak no Bahasa-Indonesia and nobody there speaks English. You would really just love a simple scrambled egg, but they bring ou fried eels or eyeball soup. They burn this incense in your honor that gives you a horrible headache. They bring you durian fruit, a local delicacy, but just the aroma of it makes you feel nauseous. After 3 months of this, will you be irritable? Frustrated? Sad?
Your son, to varying degrees, has parachuted into a land where he can't understand completely what they're saying. He may be smart and interpret some stuff okay, but these people assume he is fluent. Some sounds may sound like jet liners taking off. Some smells may remind him of rotten garbage.
There's often a bunch of sensory stuff that goes on with autism, and since he's a toddler, you and your husband will systematically have to try to learn what it is that does and does not bother him. This is not hard to do - you just become sort of a detective and look for clues, maybe even jot down some notes.
I am so very sorry that you guys are going through a rough patch right now, and sorrier still that the docs may have to mention the autism word to you. Every heart here on this board has felt the pain that comes with that. But we also, every one of us, are strong people and are stubborn in learning how to help our kids learn to communicate that they do NOT want eyeball soup!
Your son has hit the low point of the valley, and from here on out, he will slowly trudge upward and onward. Your heart, however, is in for a roller coaster ride. Hold on tight, and know that your boy adores his mommy. You are doing well by him. Just stay with us here, and we'll help you through. Just as YOU will help and inspire us.
-LeAnne
Hi there, I am a mother of four children and my second youngest McKenzie is two and a half. I have suspected for the past year that something was not right with him he only says a few words for example, he knows the words mummy and daddy but he doesnt actually know that i am mummy if you know what i mean? He spends most of his time in his own little world and he can become very disorientated and violent if he is taken out of familiar surroundings. He walks around twisting his wrists and flapping his fingers and speaks in his own language in which i have no understanding of. He keeps repeatedly failing hearing tests but i know there is nothing wrong with his hearing as he bounds to the front door like a puppy when he hears the postman click the latch up on the gate!! He does not seem to have the ability to take in his suroundings and he can be very dangerous, the other week he went upstairs and pulled a tv down on himself which was switched on!! and if he is on the stairs and you put your arms out for him to come down he will throw himself i have to have gates on every doorway in the house and keep the windows locked as he tries to climb out of them. I also have to keep the front door locked at all times as he will just go out and wonder around the street. I have been to see a doctor who has refered him to a special ascessment centre and she has deemed him a danger to himself and others he bit a woman who works in the bakery cos she did not serve me fast enough i was devistated as i could not explain his behaviour. when he gets mad he becomes so strong i cant keep hold of him he has thrown a nest of tables at me head, kicked, bitten, slapped and pinched me he also has nearly knocked me out shutting my head in the cupboard door and all of these instances there has no trigger for this behaviour. When we get up in the morning he has to turn the tv on if one of the other kids gets there first then he will trash the whole livingroom and then strips in anger. If he does not have the right spoon or bowel for his cereal he will just throw it at me the list goes on and on just getting through the day is a hard task and due to his behaviour i feel my other three children are missing out on me. i have read up on autism and it rings so many alarm bells and the team that are going to be assessing him is the autism specialist team but i have to wait till september before i get to meet them and i am really beggining to lose sleep over it i just want someone who has been through this themselves to give me their honest personal opinion on what they think from the information i have given i know it will not be a medical opinion but i really feel i need some support on what is going on i feel like i am going out of my mind and i am sure McKenzie is feeling the same frustration thank you for taking the time to read this....................keri x
Welcome Keri, I agree with the others, it does sound like autism could be the culprit here. Stick around here, you will find that everyone here is very caring and will do just about anything to help each other find the information that they need. You will find that everyone here is on your side and understands how you feel.You got some great advise so I am just going to say Howdy and welcome:)
A developmental pediatrician is an expert in autism and will do at least a 3 hour evaluation and tell you exactly what is going on with your child:)
ABA therapy is the best method of teaching our kids and is all based on a reward system to motivate them to attend and learn:)
Make lots of boards with pics of all his wants and needs to increase his language & decrease his frustrations:)
Baby bumble bee dvd's are great for increasing and kick starting language:)
Always talk to him like he understands even if he isnt responding or looking at you he very well could be taken in everything.my dd did and just couldnt show it in any outward way she was:) Model language for him what he would say if he could..label label label:)
Good luck!
What helped IMMENSELY with our son was keeping a diary of his behavior. Keep it simple, as you already have your hands full keeping you and him safe during meltdowns. Maybe when he has calmed down, quickly write down what was happening BEFORE he got upset and what he did during the meltdown. Soon you will see a pattern, certain things happening before he has a meltdown. For example, you already know if he doesnt get his certain bowl for eating he has a meltdown. Soon you will see other things that set him off and you can avoid them.
Also, look online for simple pictures you can put on the fridge with a magnet so he can give them to you when he wants something. Strt with a picture of something he LOVES, tell him to give you the picture and the second he does, tell him very enthusiasticly "GOOD JOB!" and immediately give him the item. Keep the process simple and give immediate rewards and I think he iwll catch on really fast. Hang in there, IT DOES GET BETTER!