i saw that only breifly, and i must say 1 of my most horrible fears is dying alone, yes im not even 25 and i fear the future, i always have about things in the past, always been that way, it motivates me to prep for the worse case scinario, but thats 1 thing that is by far the worse of my fears, just u telling me that positive news makes me feel much better! seriously! i needed that bad, heh.
thanks! http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2007-07-23-adult-diagnos is_N.htm?csp=34
apparently, it is widly accepted that ppl with aspringers dont get married or have children?
at first this article got me down, tho dispite not being offically diagnosed an 'aspie' as HFA is different, my HFA was from childhood, and im far better now then then, aspie would be more appropriate, but anyways, when I read that line I was very depressed, it was 1 of my top goals in life to have at least a life partner and a family, marrage optional?! But they say many dont, i know i have a difficult time dating, but feel more confident every day about it, I know i can provide for a family, and would strive to make changes in life, do the right thing to give my family the best life they can, as I was lucky enough to receive growing up in an upper-middle class household, I want the same for them.
This is not typical for ppl my age, at least when i tell friends this, they think im nuts, if it happens it happens, many of my friends my age have kids, but i feel were not ready, when the time comes, i wanna be prepaired years in advance, do the right things now, have things in place, buffers, in the event of unexpected issues, perhapse even a dissorder in a future kid, afterall my father showes aspie traites with his unwillingness to socalize, growing up with his cold demener, unwilling to talk about my or his problems, quick temper, having the 'nack' which i am fortunate to have less of, but still. In many ways im better then he is as far as socializing, and I have the DX.
Anyways... im rambling, sorry, i posted this on the parents page so i could perhapse gadge how some of u felt about the future prospects for your own kids. I know what I want, and have made unusuall investments for someone my age (house, appliences) because I need to have a game plan, contingencies in place, less worry about an uncertain future. Never have I seen this kind of behavior in anybody else Ive ever met, not even mom and dad, everyone seems to take things as they come, i cant, that will drive me insane, i need to know how things will/could possibly turn out.
ok, more rambling... sorry... What do you think tho, it may be a long ways off, but ill tell ya, I have a super excellent memory, and the last 24 years went by real quick, and your kids will be adults wayyyyy sooner then that amount of time that passed, heh.
I have 2 family members who I suspect have high functioning AS. Both have been married at least 10 years and one has 2 kids.
Woodsman - Your worries and concerns are typical of all people, whether or not they are on the spectrum. You're only 25 - very young! Most people I know don't get married until they are in their late 20's or early 30's.
Did you see the recent post that had a link to a site that showed photos and profiles of poeple with autism? Many were either married or had partners. Anything is possible!
Edited to add: Here's the link to the thread on Adults with Autism:
http://www.autism-pdd.net/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18055&am p;PN=8
This is about the supposition that guys on the spectrum won't marry. Poppycock.
I worked as a petroleum geologist for 20 years before leaving when Cole was born. Swear to God, half the guys I worked with were on the spectrum! I didn't know it then, of course, I just thought they were, well, engineers!
There are reservoir engineers, drilling engineers, work-over engineers, you name it. And geologists? Geek city, myself not withstanding.
And all these guys? 90% Married with children (some with grandkids) and 8% young bachelors livin' la vida loca. 2% too shy or too cerebral to hook up with anyone in person. But you know what? Many of them were married to women engineers or women geologists.
I used to crack jokes about the "inbreeding" in our corporation. But they had stuff in common with these gals, and both genders were cerebral enough to enjoy the same types of humor, hobbies, whatever.
I think men who are profoundly autistic, or are so cerebral that their work gets in the way of a happy girlfriend, much less a wife are indeed unlikely to get married and stay that way.
But dear friend, you are neither! You are still too young to meet the gal of your dreams, but it won't be long. The idea is to just meet people - health clubs, volunteer groups, music store, autism support groups, blind dates, whatever. We will all dance at your wedding! Guaranteed!
Cole is el stinko at conversation at age 6, but he's mischevious, giggly, smart, loves adventure, is snuggly and kind, etc. He may not be the world's most successful used car salesman but I do believe he WILL be a husband and dad.
My cousin has aspergers and she is gay. I'm 4 yrs older and she has hated all boys/men from age 2 yrs. Thats about the age she stated attacking my brothers with her claws and biting. My 2 kids have signs of aspergers/pdd too but don't attack other kids like my cousin. I'm not saying everyone who has it is gay. But I'm already watching my kids to see if showing signs of being gay. So far nonthing but age 2 yrs/6 yrs.This note is about our kids future jobs and friendships.
No, Holly - I realize all engineers are not on the spectrum. Didn't mean to imply that. That's just the population of people I worked with for 20 years, and coincidentally, MANY of them showed signs of being on the spectrum. Until I began learning about autism because of our son, I just thought they were collectively a unique bunch.
Like my closest work partner for about two years could NOT sustain eye contact for more than maybe 4 seconds. Ever. Funny, smart, cute as a bug but his communication skills? Got him (and me) in hot water.
There was an area manager who was very unattracitve, sloppily dressed, and morbidly obese. Yet he was about the most arrogant person any of us had ever met (aspie stuff). He didn't ask others their opinion, he'd check your work aloud in front of others asking questions you might pose to an undergrad, not somebody with 15 years experience successfully drilling 3 million dollar oil wells. So many people pondered about this guy - did he used to be gorgeous? did his family use to be Rockefellers? did he used to be an allstar athlest? No, God bless him - he didn't mean anything by it...he was just aspie.
Others were very serious, obsessed by work alone, and obsessive compulsive about their desks, their desk drawers...one guy asked me to drop off a project we were doing together. He wasn't in his office, so I looked for a pen and post it. Nothing, opened his middle drawer to leave him an important phone number, and all his number 2 pencils were razor sharp, pointing the same way, and aligned with the words 3M Corporation precisely adjacent to one another. His trash was organized. His office was beyond description. But the work he did for me as a reservoir engineer was awesome!
And boy, I teased him! From that day forward, he'd always know if I came past his office - I'd always move his coffee cup to the corner and put it on the rug. Or turn his photos so that the visitors could see them. I was his favorite work partner ever because I saw his funny little quirks, and considered them endearing.
I mention all this stuff ad nauseum because if some of ya'll are wondering about your kids future careers and work friendships, I can honestly say I loved these guys like brothers. And they "loved" me back, as best you can a gal pal. There are successful jobs and relationships just waiting for our kids! I am full of hope!
Didn't mean to denigrate any autistic individuals by referring to engineeriness!
My Dh just got dx with Aspergers and he was never able to hold a job until he went into telecommunications. He lived the 37y of his life not knowing anything was wrong with him. Now---after 14y of marriage and 4 kids---it is extremely hard on us. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that living with an aspie is easy. In fact----if I knew what I know now about my dh--I would not have married him. He doesn't communicate, no talking about anything important. He sits on his computer and watches sports at the same time. He pays no attention to the kids or me. In fact---he is pretty much aloof to all around him. Just this past weekend we went camping. He took the 2 younger kids(7.5y HFA and 5.5y NT) to the pool and once there---he decided to come back and get his swim suit on. HE LEFT MY KIDS IN THE POOL!!!!! He said---"they'll be fine". This kind of stuff happens every day!!! I worry about the safety of my kids!
I'm not saying that this is what you are like. And it's probably very different for you since you have known you have ASD since childhood. My dh is older, never knew, and really doesn't care what he has (it doesn't have to do with computers or sports).
I'm sure you are very well adjusted and 100% aware of your disabilities(if any). But it is hard for a wife of an ASD husband. Especially when kids are involved. We live 2 seperate lifes!!
I know what you mean Holly. Lately my husband has really REALLY been stressing me out! I think its probably cuz im already stressed out trying to get things in place for my son. He only lives on this planet with us less than half the time. I cant carry a conversation on with him without him going off somewhere else in his mind or start talking about something I wasnt even talking about! He goes on and on about his car stereos or air conditioners and I listen but he doesnt listen to me when I want to talk about something. He always has trouble with his jobs because he can never seem to get along with anyone and nit picks little things and blows up at his coworkers. I also dont trust him with my son because he leaves knifes, tools, the doors open and even takes a nap if he was with him (altho that barely happens since my sons too attached to me). He just forgets things and lacks alot of common sense. Lots of times I feel like I have 2 children instead of one and I know alot of people say that but this is majorly different! He says hurtful things alot and doesnt even realize it and is totally blown away when I tell hiim hes done something hurtful. He doesnt 'get it' alot of times. I wouldnt leave him because he has ALOT of good qualitys and is very loving and sensitive and he is very smart especially about things hes gets into. I guess im stressing alot cuz im reading everywhere that early intervention is what helps so im trying to help my son so he doesnt come out like his father (in those ways) and knowing now what I know about asd (which isnt much i know) seems like I just have to live with all of this with my husband and it sucks.
wow guys awsome posts, ill definatly keep this info in my head, i absolutly have no problem changing in the future to meet my familes needs, especally because I understand i can be rough sometimes, I feel i have a decent sence of 'self' i guess.Thanks for sharing the article, even though the focus on a "real" Aspie not being interested in marriage is what I would call a myth.
You are in the best position to know your social needs, including the need for a life partner. The article just feeds into the old myth of people with autism not having social needs, which is SO false.
My son and every other person with autism has social needs, he just doesn't always know how to function socially. These social deficits can make it harder to establish romantic relationships and make them last, but it is possible, especially if the partner understands that the challenges stem from the disability and not from lack of love.
ya, i hold out hope, i know what i want, i know i usually get a little ahead of everyone else on here, i mean your kids r at least 10 years younger then I if not much more, u r not to concerned about that now, i just wondered what u thought, if u saw that kid of future in them, only time will tell, im pretty sure many will tho...