social bounderies | Autism PDD
My ds has never been afraid of strangers and he is also a very tactile kid.
The more anxious he gets the more tactile he gets. I have been working
with him not to talk to people we don't know and not to hug or touch
people we don't know.
Now he will go up to srangers , ask their name and then talk to them.
When I pull him aside and remind him of the no-stranger rule he says
"She is not a stranger, I asked her name" He will now also go up to
other kids/adults annd ask if he can hug them.I guess it is a step in
the right direction. I can tell he just does not at all understand why this is
not socially acceptable and he is crushed when I tell him. I tried positive
reinnforcement, time-outs, explantions, rules -but nothing really seems
to stick. It is sooo not intuative for him. Actually I think part of the
problem is that when he gets anxious in new groups, talking and
touching someone helps him center himself.
I think I need to find something else he can use to calm himself other
than touching/talking at people. Anyone with simular problems have
found anything that works?ya, i never had the stranger fear eather, my parents were always worried, lucky i lived in a decent neghboorhood and had constant supervision.
Jeeze... now days things r different, im not a parent, so i dont know how to instill fear of stargners in kids, but thats probably important. I was very effectionate to ppl too, hugged but i also knew them (for like a day, heh). This was not a problem it seemed i never got any trouble for it, but over time, i grew outa it and now cant stand anybody touching me. I think in time hell grow outa it, but be persistant!!That is my daughter, she is 6 yrs old. I have the same problem but she talks to them through the window at my house. They then act like I'm a mean parent? l I've told her a thousand times but doesn't get it. The worst was when she was 4 yrs old at Walmart. She started talking to some smelly, dirtly homeless looking guy. I grabed her, smiled and got out of the store. I'm in the parking lot and some guy comes close to on a bike and scares the ^%$# out of me. It was that smelly guy. I thought I was going to have to get out the boxing gloves
My son also has a bad habit of talking to total strangers. We are also
working on this. It is sad isnt it? They worked so hard on conversing and
now we tell them it is not appropriate. The hugging thing is hard too, we
hug all the time but I guess I have to watch that too.We're working on this too. We have a rule that C can't kiss someone (other than Mommy and Daddy) without asking first. He's adapted to this well, but now will occasionally say to a stranger "can I kiss you?" I guess it's better than climbing on their laps and mauling them...
I got my son a video called 'the safe side' and he really loved it and it teaches them the difference between 'dont knows' - complete strangers and 'kinda knows'- baseball coach etc. and your safe side adult- mommy and daddy and gma etc and teaches them stranger safety. It was created by John Walsh from Americas most wanted and the lady who created Baby Einstein i dont know her name. Its made so it plays like short sequences to keep ur childs attention. Anywayz my son loved it and now hes alot more aware of strangers and making sure he stays where i can see him. I dont know if it would work for everyone and if ur kids would watch it but it did for my son.
I am actually less concerned about creepy strangers than the social
inappropriatness of it. Till he was five most people thought it was cute
but I am getting more and more 'what is up with your kid' looks. And
when he is a teenager I am afraid people will just think it's plain creepy
and call the police.
That's the problem with a disability that makes you look normal but act
inappropriatly. I am also worried about what he does when I am not there
because my goal for him is to have some independent social functioning
(going out without family or staff present). But poor social boundries will
get him in big trouble in no time.
At least most of you get some sort of warning before the hugging and kissing starts....Mason has yet to learn that!
I keep thinking if he would just learn to ask first I could probably intervene before it happens.
Mason is very spuradic with who and when he does it! I never know when it's coming so I try to keep him as close to me as I can so I can grab him before his grabs on to someone else.
I've tried EVERYTHING I can think of to stop this, but no luck so far!
And yes Micki...it was almost cute when they were younger...not so cute anymore.
when he is a teenager I am afraid people will just think it's plain creepy
and call the police.
That's the problem with a disability that makes you look normal but act
inappropriatly. [/quote]
Been there, done that. I've been fired from jobs and phased out of social groups too over actions and demeanors that people misconstrue. That's why it's so important to me that I have a feel for everyone around me before I can open up at all. I'm so worrried now about what people are thinking about me because I know they can hurt me that way. It wasn't so bad when I could tell myself I was just being paranoid. But once I had someone reinforce that fear, it can be unbearable sometimes.
That's one of the reasons I have to be reassured (by people who want me around) over and over again that I am wanted and that I shouldn't leave.Neither of my kids are scared of strangers either. My son thinks that everyone in this world is for his personal amusement. He talks to everyone in Wal-Mart, I try and try to explain that this is inappropriate and he does not get it (and this is my "NT" kid
My DS was the one who took his time figuring out the difference ... even at 2.5. My youngest girl was almost as bad -- still a big one to run up and hug people at times.
Our kids are all so different.
You can see a trailer for the Safe Side video here:
The video includes 7 "hot tips for cool kids".
1. Keep your Safe Side Adult close.
2. Don’t open the door!
3. Beware of tricks.
4. Don’t Know? Don’t talk.
5. Create a Safe Side Circle.
6. Know your Safe Side Adults.
7. Don’t go without asking.
This website explains the concept of social circles. I've heard of color coding them so family gets the green light, acquaintances a yellow light, and strangers a red stop light.
http://www.autism-help.org/communication-social-circles-auti sm.htm
Here's a social story about personal space. I'm sure I have others under "Sample social stories"
When I talk to people I need to give them their space and stay away from their faces.
When people come too close it makes other people uncomfortable.
Everybody needs space.
When I make people uncomfortable, they want to get away from me.
They might not want to ever talk to me again.
When I give people enough space, I get to play with and talk to people, I make friends and have fun.
That's all I have time for right now.
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