friends said they knew | Autism PDD

I knew there was something different about Jason early on, but I attributed it to different things, and everyone else just sort of nodded along. Doctors were no better, and we had so many "excuses" or even plausible reasons why Jason was not developing normally.

I knew, deep in my heart, that there was more to it than that, but I couldn't get the courage up to check into it until January of this year. I didn't have internet access for over a year, and if I had, maybe I would have gotten him checked sooner. I don't know. I feel guilty about it all the time, but I try to remember how often a parent's concerns about a child are dismissed. I felt, I too, should have known better...Jason is my fourth child, and I still missed it. I just talked myself out of knowing, if you get my meaning.

I think my mother knew what it was, but chose not to bring up autism until I mentioned it on my own, probably because I was discussing the possibility as early as 18 months. I just thought I was being crazy. If I had taken much longer to get to that point, though, I think she would have spoken up. At least, I hope she would have, but she makes it a point not to interfere or offer advice unless I ask. (She had a difficult relationship with her MIL, and so she's wary of inserting herself into that kind of position)

Thanks for all your kind words. I knew somehing was 'different' but I did
not know that it was autism. To my defense neither did my mom (40+
year teacher)or his pediatrician or his preschool teachers or anyone in the
early childhood education groups. For every sign that was a red flag there
were things he was doing so well at. Still the things that were unusual (no
fear of strangers, echoing movements, delayed verbal comprehension,
very high paintolerance... should have given me a clue before age 7!)
It leaves me wondering what I am missing in my younger two kids.Don't feel stupid at all. My son has always struggled from birth. Although we had a dignosis at 18 months, my MIL and others said they knew since he was 7 months. Lokking back at home videos, I think boy was I dumb. They saw it, why didn't I? Sometimes, I think people don't know what else to say. The important thing is you know now.

Our concerns came late because we mostly saw our child at his best, in the comfortable home environment.

Most of the people we know were surprised at the autism diagnosis, probably because he didn't match the autism stereotype. My dad said he had been concerned about how my son was sometimes "in his own world" concentrating on something, but didn't share his concerns at the time.

I question the motive of people who say they "knew" your son was autistic. Seems like they want to show off, but only after all the risk of sharing their opinion/concerns is gone.

I've recently been told that many of the mothers that were at playgroups with my son thought he was autistic. I want to ask them all why they didn't tell me, but I didn't.. I'm angry inside.

The thing is, I knew all his problems. I kept bringing them up, but I wasn't knowledgeable in autism, so had no idea all these red flags were autism. I knew the "typical" autism symptoms.. Not all the atypical ones he has.. So I keep kicking myself for not pushing for them to listen to me more.. I still have a lot of anger for those previous providers... I also have guilt that I didn't listen to myself. I wouldn't have ever known autism though, because no one else wanted to believe it either. (Even EI took 6 months before they really believed autism.)
When I look back, I definetly should've been more concerned. The way my son's behavior went downhill at 18 months, he pulled tantrums everywhere we went and he was happiest at home. It's still that way, but to a lesser degree. And the fact that your child isn't talking should always be a concern. I think it's just that you love your child unconditionally, so you don't want to start picking out all their flaws, esp. when they're doing well in other areas, like walking or eating. I have fought a lot of guilt, but the truth is, we are not medical experts and until recently, autism was unheard of in parenting groups. I hold my son's ped. at the time responsible esp. since we did ask why he wasn't talking at his two year checkup and mentioned his behavior problems. He wasn't dx until 3 by a new dev. ped. and now we're playing catch up. I did feel in my gut that something was wrong, but everyone in my family and the dr. told me "Don't worry".

I feel unless you really know about autism how in the world could you really see it in your own child? I feel ECI should of let me in on their concerns of autism at the beginning and not wait 8 mos. to tell she has some sx and then cover themselves by profusely telling me that they didnt think she had it..only a few sx of it..never told me to go get her evaluated once. I requested their behavioral specialist to see her and he came out once a week for maybe 30 minutes and he thought she was an odd duck but didnt feel she was autistic..I was crazy trying to make sense of what was truely going on with her so I took her to a dev. pediatrician who stated autism without hesitation and "why" she had it. I had people tell me they thought it was autism but didnt want to say anything..

Cant go back in time so you just go on the best you can and do whatever it takes to help them:)

I was in your boat. Everyone in my family kept trying to tell me that my ds was autistic and I didn't think so. My family did not live with him everyday, I did. I like you, just chalked it up to them making excuses as to why he was different. It took a doctor telling me that he agreed, to open my eyes. It does not mean that you are not a good mother, we never want to believe that there is something wrong with our child.

Don't feel like an idiot, some of us have been there also.

Please dont blame yourself (easier said than done, I know) There is not one parent who wants to admit something is wrong with their child. We dont even know on a conscience level sometimes, so you are not to blame! I too thought my sons odd things he did were just his personality, and I should have seen that something was not right, he was my fourth child. What matter most is that you are a GOOD mom, you love your son, and you will help him through this

I know that's kind of how the mother of this little boy that have in daycare was. She basically said she noticed things, but tried to brush it off and hope it wasn't the case.

You shouldn't be so down on yourself about it-- You are a great mother. Just keep on truckin' and I hope all goes well for you and your family.

melomo8339287.3837615741Okay - here is what gets me: My ds was diagnosed the week of his 7th
birthday. I had the feeling that some things were just not right starting at
18month but until shortly before his diagnosis I would have never
guessed autism spectrum. I have had several friends now tell me that they
thought my ds had autism (starting at 2-3 years). I feel like such an ideot
- how come people who saw him once a week knew but I did not? I have
worked in social services my whole life and have known people with
autism -how could this have slipped by me?
Of course partially it is that your kid is what is normal to you. And my ds
had some delays but he was also ahead in other areas. How to know
what is a normal difference and a what is a 'disordered' difference? Still it
has shaken my confidence in my maternal intuition.
Many people here say that they knew but others would not believe them.
Anyone else feel that they had there head in the sand (or where-ever) too
long?

micki, in MY case, it was therapists who were not telling me ... and I had a LOT of anger to work through on that. Of course the first person I aimed it at was myself. So ... I had this nagging sense that something was not quite all there ... and yet, therapists, SpEd teachers ... nobody else saw it.

In fact, she PASSED the autism screening, in an adjacent SD -- but the screener said to me, "Still there is SOMEthing ... " Gee, thanks. Big help there. Of course I blew it off.

If only I had had someone run ME through a questionairre ... I felt like an OSTRICH when I finally figured it out for myself, online.

Yes, Micki. I feel the same way. I knew my son was speech delayed for over a year, but Autism never entered my mind. I dearly wish someone would have asked me about Autism long before I discovered it myself. I've been kicking myself over and over for not knowing.
Did you ask your friends why they didn't mention it to you before? They should have!!

Two of my s-i-ls told me afterwards that they suspected. But, neither of them saw him much and only saw him at HUGE family functions where anybody might act a little off and not be terribly social. My ds' symptoms were fairly subtle too.

After we got a diagnosis a "friend" of mine (who has a son I have almost no doubt is on the spectrum) told me she had always thought my ds had autism. This was after the previous year of telling me there was nothing wrong with him - her ds did all of the exact same things and more! Anyway, my ds got early help - hers is now 4 1/2 and has only gotten some speech therapy. He didn't talk until well past 2 - my ds was advanced in terms of talking and is currently in the average to above average range for speech.

Anyway, a lot of parents are in denial. This "friend" also didnt' talk to me for about a year after we got a diagnosis - I think she didn't want any reminders that her ds might be different. She is in for a rude awakening come kindergarten, I think (unless she chooses to home-school, which wouldn't surprise me).

I hesitate to tell others outright - I might hint around, but not tell. I had two different friendships ruined for a time because I opened my mouth and said something. One was the previouw mom, and the other was a friend who now doesn't remember me ever saying anything to her and she seems to have come to the conclusion about autism all by herself! I am glad we moved and I have new friends!

I guess people are hesitant to say anything to parents - because who really wants to deliver that kind of bad news to someone? I do my best to hint around and also to talk about issues my ds has gone through - but I never come right out and tell a parent I think their child has autism. If it was a close friend, I might - I don't know. It is hard to do though!