Well, in response to one of the things you have said - he is probably going to get teased, whether you like it or not. I think most kids at some point in their lives have gotten teased. You can't stop it - it happens. What you CAN do, is try to give him tools to deal with it. Talk to a therapist or an autism specialist. There are several books about kids with autism and bullying. There are programs that can be done at the school.
I know, as a mom, I want to protect my kids from harm. But our goal as a parent is also to help our kids be independent and self-sufficient. If they can't deal with the teasing (I'm not talking about bullying or physical stuff here) - we need to teach them how to. It's not easy. I was teased a LOT when I was growing up. I was by far the youngest in the class and I have poor gross motor coordination (my ds gets this from me). I also had long, stringy hair, braces and coke-bottle glasses (I now have straight teeth, shorter hair and contacts!). And, I was the smartest in my class - kind of a nerd, I guess. I know a lot about teasing, let me tell you. My husband got some teasing as well - not as much because he was in athletics, but he wasn't in the "popular" crowd either.
Now, I'm not saying this can happen with our kids - because they have lots of other issues to deal with already - but in some strange ways, I think the teasing/bullying made me a better person. I know it doesn't always do that - but for me it did. I think I'm a lot more empathetic to people and I'm always trying to take the other person's point of view so I don't hurt their feelings. You will probably notice that I apologize a lot on here
Anyway, I am in no way saying that teasing or bullying is okay - but that you are not going to be able to completely shield your child from it.
By the way, I think it is a good idea to teach your child when their birthday is - if only for safety issues. If they are lost or (heaven forbid) kidnapped, that would be a useful piece of information for a police officer to be able to get from them. My 3 y.o. dd knows her birthday! My ds has known it since before he was 3 as well. I just realized today that he doesn't know the year he was born (I never really bothered to mention it) - so we started working on that today. We are also currently working on our new address and phone number. I think my ds finally realized today that it was important to learn that. He kept saying he would just tell them our OLD number and address. Finally, I pointed out that if he were lost, what would happen if the police took him back to our old address (an hour and a half from here). He thought about it and realized that we wouldn't be there. And, I told him that if they called our old phone number that we wouldn't answer it because it isn't our phone number anymore. So, today I got better cooperation at learning it. BTW, my dd knows our address cold and has got most of the phone number memorized. Ds knew both at age 3 as well - we're just having a hard time getting him to cooperate and change now!
I just think all of that info is very important to learn. I am surprised at how many NT kids don't know their birthdays. This seems to me something that should be taught to every kid! In addition to their full name (including middle name), address, phone number and parents' first and last names (in case they are different). If you have a cell phone, it would be helpful for your child to know this and/or a work phone. They should know the name of the place you work (my kids don't know that or cell/work phones yet - but we will work on this soon!). Most kids won't know their area code - so they also should know the city and state they live in. But any little piece of info could be important - so if they know a birthdate - they might be able to find the parents.
Just my opinion folks! And most kids can do this fairly young - you just need to be consistent and make it a priority. I know there are those kids who it will take a LOT more time and energy - but I know I will feel relieved when I know both kids have down their new phone number and address!
Visit the Autism Asperger Publishing Company's website and read their newsletter for Winter 2006. It includes several articles about preventing and dealing with bullying of autistic kids, who are unfortunately likely victims.
I especially recommend the list of "Bullying Strategies for Kids with Asperger Syndrome" on page 8. It is an excerpt from Rebekah Heinrichs' book "Perfect Targets: Asperger Syndrome and Bullying: Practical Solutions for Surviving the Social World."
Here's the link to the AAPC's newsletters.
http://www.asperger.net/newsletter.htm
If anyone else has any bullying resources, please let us know.My son 7.5y, has never really been "different" much. His issues with others is on the aggressive and physical side of things. I'm wondering if the older he gets--the more obvious it will become that he is "different".
We went camping this weekend. He is very much attracted to boys--his age. He wanted to play so bad. He was in the pool and these boys were playing with a plastic knife and a water bow and arrow (typical little boys). Jacob wanted to play---so bad. He tried really hard to interact. He got up to one boys face and asked him how old he was. He said 7y, then he asked Jacob when his birthday was. Jacob didn't know and had to ask me. Went back to tell the boy. Then he was trying to play and was jumping on the backs of them. They asked him a few times to stop. Of course he didn't. Then one boy yelled at him and said---"what's wrong with you?"!!
At that point I realized that maybe it will be starting to get more obvious that something is "different". But is that behavior just ADHD type or HFA type? I know that he should know his b-day---but he doesn't. He has a hard time thinking for himself.
What do you guys think?
Does he not know it, or just could not recall the inof in the excitment of play?It is great that he wants to play with everyone. But----it is a problem also!! First thing in the morning---"I want someone to play figures with me!!!" Everyone is a sleep and the one who wanted to play--his little sister--he didn't want her to, because she doesn't follow the rules!! This nagging to the point of obsession goes on for about 2 hours!!!
He is getting more obsessive thoughts. When he wants something--he will go on and on for hours and days about that item. He will not stop asking until we get it for him. He sometimes is OK with--"put it on your Christmas list". The kid is driving me nutso!!ahhh yes, unfortuntaly as time goes on he will seem more and more different from his peers, its painful, especally when he reached middle and high school, alot of ppl will reject him, make fun of him. If he has friends now, or makes them in the coming years and sticks with them for a while, eventually hell probably loose them during the teen years.
Well the whole school social code thing is SO unforgiving -- I do not know anyone who really ENJOYED school social life. I felt it was miserable, even if you develop an "outcast clique," of friends, it still feels BAD to most people! Life after school is much less painful. You have reasons for interacting with most people, topics of conversation ... and those you do not have a reason for ,are probably people you actually like! I certainly feel that my son seems more and more "different" from his mainstream classmates as time goes by. Their interaction gets so much more sophisticated. My son can't answer the birthdate question either. He couldn't answer his age either, until he really mastered counting. Maybe the birthdate will stick when he really masters calendar/time concepts. Until then, it's just trivia for him, and certainly less interesting than Lego Bionicles. Whether it's ADHD or autism that's causing impulse control problems and problems catching and following social cues ("stop"), it's hard to say. But I think it's really positive that he *wants* to interact. Gives him motivation for learning social codes. Good luck with everything. Holley - he is still really young. I have a startling confession to make - when I was a little kid, I used to be sort of a bully myself - I would do things like your child did to those boys - basically, engage them in wresting matches, stuff like that, weather they wanted to or not. I clearly remember in the fifth grade, overhearing a couple of kids talking about me, not knowing that I was overhearing them. I can actually remember the quote - it was, "Yeah, he's just like Kenny" - Kenny, being the other fifth grade meany who used to trip kids at recess. After overhearing this conversation, I actually made a concious effort to stop being so rough with other kids during play. This was honestly the first time I realized that this behavior was really offputting to some people. I would engage him logically if his language skills are good (and from what I've read of him, they are), and just explain to him how this behavior is not likely to win him any friendships. Just explain it to him - as directly and simply as possible. In some ways, all kids go through these learning experiences and it's part of what 'normalizes' us so that we grow up to act reasonably as adults. I'm not sure they over zeoulous physical contact is a disorder thing or just his personality, but either way, I'd bet that he'll be able to master it, though it might take years. BTW - another latent memory just surfaced. I remember when I was a little kid, I was at the pool, and some other boy came buy and actually punched me right in the face for no reason! I cried, went to my dad, and his response? - go punch him back. DIfferent times :) I just don't want my son to be like his dad growing up in school. He was bullied, beat-up, very tall, skinny, with black rimmed glasses, computer geek. I do not want my son beat up or teased. I also don't want him to be the one who beats up others. I hope he will have at least 1 friend in school. But like what woodsman said---they probably won't be his friend later in the school years. I notice that too. Jacob's little sister is almost 6y and it was a few years ago, I noticed her communication skills surpassing his. But then---I see Jacob's academic skills surpassing his 11y sisters skills. She has severe learning disabilities.
Its soo depressing, because by then u know u r different, and its hard to change, u gotta learn the social code, it took a long time, and now that im outa school i do much better, but school was hard for me, at least, until the end of high school i did very well towards the end, but by then its too late.
I feel for your son sooo bad, because i have been their, ostrisizim is a very difficult and painful thing because when this occures he will know he is different, and will from then on be looked at negativly by his peers, resulting in anger, depression, trouble at school, fights, bullying ect...
unfortunatly their is little u can do but sit back and wait till hes an adult, and by then hell probably start to get better, but hes in for a very difficult ride, his easy life is about to get harder it sounds...
and he has no appropriate boundries (getting to close, asking other 7
year olds if he can hug them...) I can tell he wants to fit in soo badly but
he just can't quite figure out how.
We went camping too and what I really noticed in the car was how he was
totally on his 'on-track' conversation and oblivous to what anyone else
was talking about. Meanwhile his 3 year old sister was listening in, asking
questions about our conversation, responding in context. It was really
hard to hear that his sister half his age had much better conversation
skills then him. I thought that if that is how his mind functions in group
situations no wonder he misses almost all social clues.
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