My heart goes out to you. That was a scary situation. I know what it feels like not to know where you child is for a few minutes. Heck, in my own house, if I walk for 30 seconds into the kitchen to get a drink and come back and do not see or hear Ali I start to panick. I try not to leave her side for more than the time it takes to go get a drink out of the kitchen....but I rush cause I know 30 seconds is all she needs to get into real trouble or now...try to leave the house. I also know what it is like to be the kid lost away from mom. It happened to me twice as a child...I wondered away from mom and was panicked.....she found me within minutes but I just kept wondering crying and not able to answer people asking me if I was lost cause I was so scared and sad. I didn't hear about Madeline - anyone have a link to a story?
The story of Madeline did get quite a bit of press here. The fact that celebrities like David Beckham and J.K. Rowling stepped forward to offer help did get the story coverage here. She was even featured on the cover of people magazine. Very sad situation.
Scary. I know how you feel. I supervise my son pretty closely, and get the feeling everyone thinks I'm overprotective. They have no idea. Even now, I can't completely rely on him answering when I yell for him.
I don't know if the disappearance of the British 4 year old (Madeline) got much press in the US, but you'd think people would understand the dangers of leaving a child alone in a hotel room/vacation residence.
Hope you don't have to experience anything like that again.
He's not a runner, which is why it scared me so much. However, I also knew the music was really getting to him - so I was worried that he would just react and not think (which he did - but at least he just got under the table and covered his ears). In retrospect, what he did was smart - if he had JUST told someone (like me!) what he was going to do.
To be fair, the aunt and cousin just weren't paying attention and I didn't ask them to watch him. Usually, he is pretty good and stays where he is and asks if he can go somewhere. But our family weddings are much more lax (at least other parents are - they just send their kids off and don't really watch them). This was a HUGE affair though. We attended a wedding reception a year ago where I was much more lax as well - but there were only about 100 people there and it was in a facility that ONLY had one big area - ds couldn't go anywhere and no one could have taken him except out the door and there was someone posted at the entrance to greet guests and say good-bye the entire time we were there. It was much easier to keep an eye on him - he was almost always on the dance floor.
There was something about the live band and the volume - we have gone to dances before where there were DJs and ds did fine. It could also have been due to lack of sleep (he woke up at 5:15 that morning and didn't sleep well that night) as well that made him ultra-sensitive to the sound.
My dh is and was VERY supportive and when he heard what his sister had said to me - well, he wasn't very happy. I didn't tell him at the time because he was, well, a little inebriated and I didn't want him saying something he would regret. My sil just doesn't get it and I doubt she ever will. Family functions are about survival right now - they used to be a lot of fun for me, but now - well, not so much. But the family doesn't get together all that often - about once a year - so I just suck it up. However, in this instance - I would have appreciated a little help. The aunt did send the cousin to look for ds, but apparently they didn't think too much of it because they were both back in the same place when I returned to ask if they had seen him. At that point, the aunt sent the cousin again and he told my dh. Of course, my ds appeared shortly after...
A hotel? Lots of strangers. Son missing? I would be so panicked. It just takesWell, we went to a family wedding this weekend and ds did pretty well. It was a LONG trip on the way down and we didn't get in until much later than planned - which threw us off for the whole trip.
The wedding reception on Saturday night was fun - but ds complained that the live band was too loud (to me it was right on the border). At one point, my dh was off talking to family and ds was right by me. An older cousin took my dd onto the floor to dance and I wanted to get a picture. I was gone for about 30 seconds and ds had been standing right next to an aunt and a cousin. I come back and he is GONE! I try not to panic and I ask the aunt and cousin where ds went - they don't know. I don't see him ANYWHERE.
I take off to the entrance (there is only one way in/out). I stop people coming from both directions to ask if they have seen a boy (I described his clothing and height) going past. Neither had seen ANYONE at all and swore there was no one down either hall - I checked and there wasn't. I told the hostess at the door to not let my ds get out and described him. I go back in. Aunt and cousin are still sitting at table - I ask if they've seen him. They say, "Oh, you haven't found him yet?" BTW, they all know he has mild autism, but he flies under the radar and I think they sometimes to forget. I am now in full-blown panic and can't find my dh either. Someone finds my dh and tells him I can't find ds and I turn around and see ds walking toward me. I grab him and tell him I couldn't find him and I was scared. I ask where he was - he had gone and hidden under one of the empty tables because he couldn't take the music. He kept telling me, "But mom - I was just under the table!" Finally, I think I got it through to him that the point was, I didn't know where he was! So, after that adrenaline rush - I pretty much crashed and took the kids up to bed (the reception was in the hotel we stayed at).
Anyway, that five minutes I couldn't find him were pretty bad. I didn't think anything would happen to him - but you never know. There were about 300 people at the reception and it was held in a place that is easily accessible to the public and lots of functions are held there.
Hopefully, ds learned a lesson. Unfortunately, I also learned that dh's family doesn't really take me seriously. Perhaps I over-reacted a bit, but they just have no idea! The whole weekend was like that - we had fun, but it was INCREDIBLY exhausting. The other parents all have kids that are at least a little bit older and they have apparently forgotten how hard it is to have two small children at a family function!
I took the baby monitor and went down to the hospitality suite that had been reserved for the family. When family started coming back, one of my s-i-ls asked whose baby monitor it was. I said mine. She said rather snottily, "You don't have a baby!" My reply (which was harsher than I usually do) was: "Yes, but I DO have a child with autism and I have to keep track of him and make sure he is okay." I mean for goodness sake! We are in a hotel that has 16 floors and people in and out - I'm not leaving EITHER of my children without a monitor or supervision! I should add that we were 2 doors down from this hospitality suite and the door to the suite was open so I could monitor comings and goings - but STILL! Maybe I'm over-protective but I supervise my kids. And I don't feel I should have to defend myself - but I usually end up doing just that.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent! I'm just glad to be back and getting back into the normal routine...
First of all, I think the baby monitor was a great idea. I would have done the same thing (well, if I had thought of it). Secondly, I can't believe family members didn't help you look for ds. I really don't get that.
This past weekend our youngest ds gave us the slip at a fair. My heart sank to my toes. It's a horrible feeling! Luckily we found him within a few minutes (he was teary eyed).
I also totally understand.
I would have panicked if it was any of my kids.
One of my NT sons got off a ride in Mall of America and got right back on a different ride witthout us. He was talking to some kids, and just walked with them. He was about 7. I called mall security and almost had a storke. We found him 10 minutes later getting off the ride. Mall security only said we have never lost anyone at the mall. The women at the ride said he matched the description of the lost child, but he seemed so happy she didn't call it in. URRRR
I totally understand.
Snoopywoman !! YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE ANGRY.... ESPECIALLY TO THAT AUNT & COUSIN WHO DIDN'T EVEN REALISE YOUR ds WAS GONE !!!
ooOOOHHHH !!!! Doesn't it make yr blood boil when yr s-i-l made that remark about the baby monitor!!??.... Hope your dh won't have a problem taking sides here.... HE BETTER NOT SIT ON THE FENCE on this !!! I would have been scared to death, that many people in a strange place, very scary if you ask me. I have lost my son a few times, he was a runner when he was small and now he is a wonderer, it makes me sick to my stomach when I can't find him. I am very glad you found him fast.
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