We recently left our church of the past ten years for just these reasons. I do believe that if you truly want to and keep searching there are church's that do cater to special needs and will embrace you. But, unfortunatley in our case our umph for searching has dissappeared. We never thought that would happen, because we met in church, the same particular church, the Pastor married us, and dedicated both of our children. We have always been extremely active in church. My husband and I were youth leaders for a long time. My husband had a young boys sunday school class ages 8-10. I played the piano and my husband played the drums and I was the prayer chain leader for a while and my husband held the position of deacon for a while. Not to mention I was the chior leader for both the adults and the youth and would take on the duties of Christmas productions and Easter productions and such. Of course, we didn't do all these things at one time, but we always had responsibilities and it became such an impossible chore, that we finally gave up. I either had to do without a drummer and have my husband sit in the nursery with my son(which was most of the time) or we had to forfeit the choir and I would sit with my son. And it just felt like there was no need for us both to be at church. It would be much easier if the one stayed home with my son. Then we both got tired of going to church by ourselves and so we just stopped. And I know that if the desire were in the right place we would find a way, but it just plain got too hard and it was an added stress that quite frankly we have not missed. I miss how it was early on. I miss having my time to worship as I feel I should in the house of God, and I miss the many friends, but I don't miss the hassles and stress of the last four and a half years of stressful Sunday mornings, Sunday nights and Wednesday nights. Maybe, the time will come when we can be active again. I guess we could just go and not be active at all, but we don't really know how to do that and it doesn't feel right for me to go to church and expect to be served and not be serving myself. Anyway, I do feel that the success of finding the right church is in the desire of the persuer and where there is a will there is a way, but we have just lost the will for now.I'm very fortunate in that our church does have a special needs ministry.
It was started last Fall and has been quite successful over the past year.
It has both an inclusion program where a specially trained peer
accompanies the special needs child to their class (this is primarily for
middle school and above), and a reverse inclusion for the younger kids.
In the reverse inclusion program, each child is paired with both a typical
peer and an adult. They have two teachers who rotate every other week
(one is a Special Ed teacher and the other a pre-school teacher outside
the church). We also have several volunteers who are specially trained
including a Physician who specializes in ADHD, a couple of OT/PT's, etc.
The kids have a free time, a craft, a bible lesson, and music. My son
loves it. Because of the number of adults involved, he gets TONS of
attention.
Quite frankly, he would do fine in a regular class with a trained peer (to
keep the social interactions going) , but I'm keeping him in the program
because he gets so much attention and it's 1.5 hours of free facilitated
social time for him.
The church is actively seeking out parents with Special Needs children to
participate. This is an outreach ministry. The church also offers parent
support groups and SibShops.
The individual who started the program has helped other churches in the
area put together something similiar, and I believe she even has a
handbook that can be purchased that outlines the process. If anyone is
interested in more information about this, feel free to PM. I know she
would be more than happy to have a phone consultation with any church
that might be interested in doing something similiar. This might be
something you can approach your pastor about. I think some churches
shy away from doing something like this, not because of desire, but
because they don't know where to start. It does take a group of
committed volunteers, however, we've had a great deal of success in
keeping the majority of volunteers who started at the beginning of the
year. I think most feel very good about their involvement and feel that
they are making a difference. A win-win for everyone.
Autumn - By the way, I live in Washington State.
We go to a small church. There are other families there with special needs kids and everyone is understanding.
The way our service works is everyone (adults and kids) are in church together for the 1st 15 minutes of the service. Pads and crayons are provided in the pews to keep kids entertained. Then the ministers call the kids up front to sit on the carpet for a 5 minute children's sermon. Then the kids are dismissed to their Sunday school classrooms and the adults stay for the remainder of the service. After service ends, we all go get our kids and all go to fellowship hall for coffee and snacks (a different family brings snacks each week).
Because C only has to sit through the adult service for 15 minutes, he does fine. We bring his special sippy cup of milk, and he likes to color, so we typically have no problems. In Sunday school, everyone is aware of C's issues and does the best they can with him. There are only 6 - 8 kids in the class, so it hasn't been a too problematic this far.
Our church has been great. I was raised Catholic and my dh Protestant. We basically decided that our priority was finding a church that we could feel comfortable at, that was family focused and provided an atmosphere that was optimal for our kids. We left ourselves open to all flavors of christianity (catholic, lutheran, protestant, methodist, baptist, unitarian, non-denominational etc.). To us, finding a comfortable church home was more important that the specific denomination. We wound up protestant! I hope you are able to find a church that works for you.
I have loved going to church, but it was hard for us as some did not know how to manage our little man when he was younger. We did feel hurt and felt like of all places we should be able to worship and find santuary there. We quit going and have been sparatic in visiting other ones in hoping to find the ONE. I'm hopeful that I will and I may have as everyone there are so encouraging and welcoming. They are even open to trying to have a special-needs class and hoping to get some training to become better qualified to serve those individuals. Sometimes, it takes speaking out and asking for the help. I told them how hard it was for us and I know having a special child is a ministry within itself.Holly writes: If I had a more severe kid---I would had found a church with special needs class
Our ENTIRE CITY does NOT HAVE ANY church with a special needs class - not one church in the WHOLE CITY! It is very sad and weird to not go to church anymore.
Can you find a family at your church with a mature teenager who could learnThat is very sad! I'm not even sure if our little town has a special needs sunday school/church service. I think maybe one of the big churches does--I've heard.
We live in a small town, but we have lots of big cities near us.
Have you tried talking to other parents with ASD kids to see if/where they go to church? If it came down to it---maybe they take turns going to church. But if someone is a single parent, that wouldn't work out.
Is there something that your bubby uses to keep calm in other situations like a restaurant or shopping?
Nowadays one of our saving graces is "Golfman." This is what BB calls the Golf game that came on my Razr phone. He loves the thing (though he can't really play it). If he is on meltdown status and we are away from home we ask him if he wants to play with "golfman" and hook him up.
When he went into the hospital to get a foreign object removed from his foot I bought a portable DVD player to keep him calm through the experience. I realize that in your situation you would need headphones, but perhaps this could help?
I know that this will not allow him to get involved in the services as it were as he would be distracted, but perhaps using this as an initial desensitization he might be able to eventually put it away and relax. It sounds as if there is some sensory overload going on.
Hope this helps and best of luck :)
---Anyway, I do feel that the success of finding the right church is in the desire of the persuer and where there is a will there is a way, but we have just lost the will for now............................try Vineyard Christian Fellowship
thanks for the suggestions but honestly there ARE NO CHURCHES HERE - I have called or visited and it is a disaster. We chose the largest church in our city and advertised for a paid one on one person for 6 months (yes SIX MONTHS) and still - no response. Guess I will stay home until ds is grown up and 'on his own'.
My son LOVES all hymns and it is the only way he can be calmed down, so at least he is gettign some Godly influence! We tell him all the time that Jesus loves him. (I am assuming that is okay to say here since the thread is about church !)
This can be a tough one,but church really should be a family. I went through some difficult times with screaming the entire time, but there was always someone who would come out and help me. That doesn;t mean they understood anything that was going on, but they were there and ready to help. I would enocurage everyone to find a church like that because they do exist.
Anyway, my son now is able to go to Sunday school for an hour and sit through service for an hour and a half. Wow, we've come a long way. I made so many changes for my son, but leaving church early or not going at all was one thing I refused to do. Don't get me wrong, he is not doing everything the NT kids do in Sunday school, but I have someone extra in there to help him out. The preacher tells any guest speakers my son may make a couple strange noises during the serman, but he is not being rude. I just bring his favorote non noisy toys, some juice, and cherios-for a bad day. Most of the time he does great!
We always went t o church together as a family and sadly, I too now stay home on Sunday. I live in a small town and we don't have any daycare or Sunday School offerings. An hour long Mass is too long for my son. Sadly, my son is very misunderstood by the other parisheners. Since he started talking, he now repeats everything the priest says, in a loud happy voice. I got so many hateful looks from others and so many people "shushing" him that I finally left in tears one day and never went back. Hearing him talk is music to my ears, but I guess church isn't the place for us.
Interestingly, my son has become a huge fan of a show called "Classic Gospel" and you should hear him sing Amazing Grace - he knows all the words and he really belts it out!
http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=1064&a=1378 3
And here's an old topic on our forum which also contains some tips:
http://www.autism-pdd.net/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=10381&am p;KW=church+issues
I think most churches are one of the last places that don't know how to deal with our kids. It is rather ironic because church as a concept is a welcoming place for everyone, but I know that is not always the case. I was brought up going to a protestant church every Sun., Sun. evening & Wed. night & DH was brought up Catholic (w/ a father who is a deacon & a mother who was a director of liturgy). I am presently a church organist in a protestant church and we all attend. My son is 9 and since the age we determined that Sunday School was too hard for him we found a special sitter (it is paid for by the ARC in our county) to watch him in a room at church. She does various activities with him while we are in the service. I would love for him to be part of everything but it is not possible at this point. People are very good to him and try to include him in everything. If church works it can be a great support, but if people don't understand it can be very heartbreaking. I don't think any of us want to go out of our way to find a place to be with people who don't understand us/judge us. That happens on a regular basis anyway.Joy, YOU ARE NOT ALONE !!!! When you eventually let Jadon go through enough EARLY INTERVENTION (EI).... which a lot of the other folks here can help you on your choices available in USA.... you can look forward one day like now when I have my 8 year old autistic Daniel and my Jordan, 6 yrs, NT... sit through a worship meeting on their own.... occupied of course with things they can do.
My Daniel used to also vomit... not in Sunday School but in the mainstream school that he goes to. Ah!!! The smell and sticky vomitus... So it's always who will take the effort to clean up. Autistic do that when they become fearful, uncertain.... Over time, and with enough exposure, they will learn to accept it. Now, Daniel doesn't vomit anymore in school. He definitely enjoys going to the Sunday School especially the singing and action songs.
Time and effort... and you will smile at all his past (present) antics!!
We actually sought out a church that had a special needs sunday school. It is a larger church that we drive a bit farther to, but in line with our beliefs and works great. I don't forsee him sitting through an adult service for some time.My son can handle the children's Sunday School but not the adult service. Someday I hope! I love when people can bring their children to the sanctuary sometimes to be together as a family. I definetly agree that with exposure they'll get used to it.Joy, you might want to try this.
Next Sunday, bring along small a chair for Jadon. Kids might feel uncomfortable in long pews. Have him seated facing you but place some books, papers to scribble even sticker books to occupy him. He might sit in longer than you expect. Of course if you also need to carry Gracie, then it might be a problem to keep an eye on both....
Just a suggestion to get you through on a Sunday morning... Why don't you sit in also during the Sunday School class. Your presence might help Jadon to not get anxious. Gracie may even find some adoring sisters in the church who will be more than willing to carry her for you !!??!!
How do you do it? My 2 yo cannot take it in the Sunday School class. He easily gets upset and they do not attend to him fast enough. They really do not know how to deal with any kids who are not NT. The teachers/caretakers are different every week so he can't get used to the same people and we can't "train" them. When we try to leave him in there usually he gets so upset he ends up vomiting and they page us to come get him. He is too disruptive also if we try to keep him in the service. One of us could stay in the class with him or just walk him around outside but then it seems like we might as well not go at all, since our 4 mo has a hard time going to church also (her long morning nap falls during the service time and she can't nap on the go). I cannot go to church anymore
The church cannot accomodate my son and walking the halls during service seems fruitless, so after being a 'never miss a sunday' kind of gal, I now stay home with my son on sundays. My son is 9, and we don't go to church very often because it's a challenging setting for him. When we do go, we take with a bag of "fidgets" and count on needing to take him out for a break anyways. Here is a sample social story about church: http://www.autism-india.org/dec98.html - church (the story is kind of buried on a long webpage. Search for the word church to find the story text) Good luck with everything. Well---we go to a small church. But----something was in our towns water, because we have a total of about 7-8 ASD kids. The oldest being in middle school and the youngest---that I know of is 6y. We do have teachers that are the same every week. Most of the kids are high functioning. The youngest---6y is classical autism---and the worship leaders child. They knew since about 2yo. So everyone in the church knows him. We even have lots of people who are trained for ABA---who still do his 40 hours therapy at home. My son handled sunday school OK. Occas they would have to get me because he was melting down. Now---for adult service---the kids had to stay there thru the first 30 min of singing. Then to junior church. So-----we never went to the regular church service from about ages 3y to this past year---at 7.5yo. We just started going back and he does fine. We do have older(middle-high school-age) classical --non verbal autism kids in which we never see. We talked about getting a spec needs class going so the parents can go to church. If I had a more severe kid---I would had found a church with special needs class---unless we had gone to the church since birth and had the support like our church has given our worship leaders family. "For parents of children with autism, simple activities, such as a trip to Whataburger, can lead to a fiasco with an audience. [...] Christine D'Elicio, attorney and mother of a 7-year-old son with autism, helped organize the event. "It'll be nice to have a place to go where you don't feel judged," D'Elicio said. "We welcome everyone -- headbangers, screamers and total meltdowns. We will not stare." http://www.caller.com/news/2007/jul/13/women-organize-vbs-fo r-children-with-autism/
Just wondering what other people do. It just feels like we can't go to church for a while...
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