War - Play | Autism PDD

It is up to you, But growing up as a boy. We alwaysed played war, cowboys and indians and man hunt. All of us are just fine. My son does play war but not all that much. It depends if he wants to play. It is usualy the NT kids who want to play, so if he wants to play too all the better,. At least he is playing with someone

But he always tell people not to kill things like ants because they are nature.

John39276.3821180556[QUOTE=John]

But he always tell people not to kill things like ants because they are nature.

[/QUOTE]

John, I played war too, growing up ... but in a different time. Kids did not have access to real weapons, or if they did they would not have DARED to handle them. Kids are different now -- I told 3 boys about 10 that htey should not be riding their bikes through a (little kids') playground, and one VERY RUDELY told me, "It's a PARK." There is no regard for authority.

TV, games, and movies were less graphic then, too. The combination of factors makes it too easy to cross the line into real violence.

foxl39276.4281365741hmmm, thats a difficult 1, i mean your son is growing up in a world that was a little different then mine was, but at the same time boys will be boys. I was allowed to start playing nasty computer games at around 10 or so, but the pretend war and stuff, well, maby its best to meansion to him that talking about a gun or killing things is a bad idea, but 1 can pretend if others r playing also? Just my thought im not a parent but enjoyed similar games 2 growing up.I also grew up playing war and watching war movies on TV. However, and this is a big however, things are not the same now. The play we did and the movies we watched were more like cartoon fake anticeptic cleaned versions of war. The movies and computer games with all the graphics now are just too much. Way too violent in my opinion. Lets compare two D-Day movies (and this might be a bad example cause its a long time since I've seen either). Compare the Longest Day, made back in the 1950's I believe, to Saving Private Ryan, which is more recent. That scene of Tom Hanks's landing craft with door opening and everyone getting shot with splattering blood and all. That is not what I would want my kids to see, but I don't recall anything anywhere near as graphic in the older movie. The media today are putting things in that I don't think kids should be exposed to. And computer games are far far worse.

Happy Friday Everyone

I have a question to pose. My son sees other boys playing pretend war/shooting games, and likes this kind of play. When my son goes to see his dad he lets him play war games on the computer. The games are not rated E for everyone either! There's blood and guts and men screaming in pain etc! I have asked his dad so many times to stop letting him play these games, and he just giggles and thinks it is "cute".

Jordan is 8.5, and I am totally against ANY kind of violence in my house or in my life. I am really worried about this kind of thing becoming one of Jordan's typical ASD obsessions!!! I have explained this of course to his dad...to no avail.

So my question is...am I being totally rediculous in trying to deter Jordan from playing these games/toys because of my strict anti violent beliefs? He is HFA and says every time I do deter him that it is all just pretend play. Should I just be grateful that he can pretend play, and grinn and bear what I think is HORRIBLE even if it IS PRETEND?

It would be so much easier if the ex would feel the same way as me, but he doesn't, and now Jordan doesn't either AND this type of play is increasing on a daily basis. His dad sends him home with war planes and army guys almost every time he sees him...I don't want them in my house...

Help! Any advice?

I think you are being very, very rational.

For one thing, bot hthe good daycares I have used have a no guns, no shooting policy. Kids get in trouble for that in daycares and schools.

That is my RATIONAL answer and Iwould recommend you use it with his father ...

Rather than the forty-page RANT I can think of. GUNS ARE HORRIBLE and so is violence. ESPECIALLY for a kid with delayed emotional development and empathy, like MINE!!!! ACK! Okay stopping.

I do not think you are being ridiculous at all. This is a hard subject because who knows if pretend play can become obsessive or lead into real agression. As a Psych student, I can say there are mixed findings as to whether tv and video games lead to real life agression. I can say as a mom to a child with HFA/SPD that sometimes it is possible for these pretend things to turn into real problem behaviors. The problem is that violence is real...you see it on the news, in public, everywhere. Even educational video games have some degree of violence....Ali's V-smile game has levels where you have to stomp on hippos and knock them out to get through. When she needs help, she says "Mommy, can you kill the hippos?" I think my personal feeling is limiting violence in tv and games. As a parent who loves his child, your ex should try to come to an understanding and compromise with you. It is not good for any child, let alone an ASD child, to have two parents with different rules and completely different ideas/beliefs on display for thier children. It gets confusing when one parent does not allow something but the other does....he should sit down with you and act like a grown up and say "this is what I believe and why and let us find a way to compromise and understand eachother". Anyway, that is my feeling.IMHO I do NOT think that you are being ridiculous at all. I agree with what foxl said also, kids get into a lot of trouble in daycares and schools for even mentioning a gun or violence of any kind. If you feel this strongly about your ds not playing these types of games...stick to it. He may not understand why you feel this way, but it IS your job to protect him and teach him the right things.

But I do envy you for having a child that CAN pretend play. Good Job Mom, Keep up the good work.

Thanks for all your replies

Not even a water gun,but Mostly cause he is nasty to his little bro,and the little one would be soaked constantly

Linda

Oh WOW! Thank you all AGAIN for all your responses! I hope this topic helped others too :) I had a good talk (with Jordan present) about my fears with his dad. His dad seemed to listen finally!!! We all three agreed that he could play E rated games only, (BIG step for dad) I also sent the war toys back with his dad and told him and Jordan, that I don't want them in my house. He can keep them at his dads. Water guns are for water and hot days in my house :) and WE ALL MUST HAVE THEM!!! LOL SQUIRRRRRRRRTTTT~!!!

GOTCHYA!!!!!

My son only had squirt guns. At the psych office--he would play with the army set. I didn't like it. But--he was playing and trying to play pretend(a skill he needed to learn). We are more into the Star Wars type of weapons (light sabers, etc) I was not going to buy him a real type of gun. It wasn't until he was 7y that I bought him a "cowboy" gun with caps. He actually was interested in it and it didn't have to do with Star Wars. It lasted about 2 days. Now---all he uses is sticks from outside and plays Army--all the time!!

You don't have to buy actually toy guns to have them play army or war. They will play it with their stuffed animals if they want to.

I assume it's a phase and it will pass---hopefully in most boys. Now--for an obsession---I worry about that also. My son really likes Army stuff and did alot of "shooting" actions in school. Hopefully next year will be better.

I'm not trying to encourage anyone to get their kids guns. I'm still very anti-gun(even after the cowboy guns), but like my son--they will find sticks to shoot with--if they want to. No matter how many times you try to redirect their play---with my son, it always came back to the army play.

Let me put it like this, war is one of my son's obsessions and it has gotten him into trouble at school. As a matter of fact, he received a six week suspension because he referred to his teacher as Hitler and mentioned he was going to blow up the school and his teacher's house with a Luftwaffe to rid the world of the opressive axis of evil, so that the allies could be victorious.

My son's fascination with guns, war, etc., was so pronounced that we actually ended up taking away even his water guns, which look nothing like a real gun, because he would pretend they were a Browning Automatic Rifle. He'd get upset that we wouldn't let him do something and he'd take aim and fire, all the while declaring he was going to rid the world of the axis of evil.

Now, where he came up with this obsession, I have no idea. We don't even own a BB Gun, he doesn't play war video games, etc. I honestly believe that it all started with a show I was watching on The History Channel. After that, any book from the library would be on one of the world wars and he became this huge History channel fan.

I just wanted to add that he wasn't even allowed to return to school until he'd received a mental evaluation to make sure he wasn't a threat and this took almost five weeks to get in to. The school reported us to CPS over this and we had to have an investigation done to rule out abuse and neglect, lots of fun, I tell you. Even after he returned to school, they called the police in because his teacher did something that upset him and he wouldn't quit tapping his pencil when she asked him to. By this point she was afraid of him. They even called the police a second time, simply because he was agitated when they tried to discuss the previous days pencil tapping incident. Now, I know this is the extreme side, but it can happen.

Sabrys39277.4459027778OHHH MY GOD! I understand the teacher is a tad upset but did she really need to involve the police? Your son, when he grows up will be a huge fan of histroy, i myself shair his love for that particular subject and WW2 is my favorite period, all my video games r ww2 related and i have a small collection of helmits, parts of uniforms, guns ect from that period. This is common in HFA or AS kids, i got into just a small amount of trouble myself while in school because i liked that subject and may have overdone it, but now days, even the slightest hint of something like that can be seen as a threat, no matter how old the kid is. Your son and I grew up in very different worlds, and we r probably only a decade and a half apart.

My parents were very hard on me when i messed up like that, and it worked, personally I think the teacher took it a little 2 far and granted, i can see her point, but your son looks kinda young to be a huge threat, an onlder kid shoulda been treated differently, im sorry about that evaluation, and i hope things work out, we may have had a slight difference in functionality, because i knew after what I did was wrong, but if u cant talk to him and make him understand that thats bad, studying it is fine, but saying and doing those things r not, and i hate to say it, and i really hope he does not get into any more trouble, but when i did, i got a swift kick in the @$$ and ill tell ya, i never did it again.

Im not advocating hitting of course, but it worked for me, someday your son will be a very smart kid obviously, he just needs to get on the right track and use his intelligence by putting it towards something positive, especally in the future. I hold out hope he will do ok, he just does not understand what hes doin is wrong.

I definitely try to limit violent stuff in my son's life. It's one thing if he's pretending soldier with other kids -- I wouldn't go and break that up -- and quite another thing to have him playing violent video games, etc., especially if it's realistic violence and not fantasy stuff like fighting monsters.

I think your concern about this becoming an ASD obsession is very well grounded. In my local support group, nearly all the mothers say that their teenage boys have weapons/war as a special interest.

Good luck with everything.

I have three boys and we don't let them play the war games on the video game systems. THey do have several guns that they purchased on vacation that are replica's but they only play with them rarely.

I have a friend that is always complaining how violent her 13 year old is and he has been playing war video games for years. I don't know for sure there is a connection, but I don't allow it.

He needs to get away from this stuff pronto, in my opinion.

I realize that persuading an ex to do anything can be like carving Mt. Rushmore out of a mountain top! So, are you willing to put your money where your mouth is? I am an evil, but well intentioned manipulator - if you can handle it, read on!

What I'm getting at is - can you buy some computer CD ROMs that are really cool, your kid loves, and would even prefer over the war games? If you can hook him on the good stuff, say 3 or 4 of these, you can put them into an extremely cool carrying case. Tell them these are for his overnight bag to take to Dad's and only let him use those games right before his trips to his father's. Like, whet his appetite for 20 minutes the night before...then say, well sweetie, you can take these to Daddy's place and play with him. These are your special "guys' games".

And tell your ex that the docs, teachers, therapists, WHOEVER told you that the war thingies are showing up in negative ways at school. Lie your pants off, if need be. And sweetly ask if he minds that you bought some guy things that are on the approved list...maybe ask him his ideas about what your son likes.

It is hard to carve out Mt. Rushmore's faces from stone, but it can be done. Good luck!

PS. Duh, I missed your latest message. Nice work!

LeAnne C39278.4739351852

On a related note, today I ran across a social story about talking about death and killing people. Here's the link:

http://www.thepartnership-yh.org.uk/secureFileSystem/temp/SA BBDBAC_DCBCHDBBNLNPJAALJEKDDHHO/Social%20Stories%20-%20Leeds .doc

Sorry, that link didn't work. You can access it here. Just lick on Social Stories - Leeds.

http://www.thepartnership-yh.org.uk/pages/viewpage.asp?uniqi d=62