Thanks everyone.
ShellyR - I do use positive reinforcement. They seem very happy when they do something good and I praise/reward them, but they don't seem to catch on to keep on doing it. Punishment, like sending them to their room, always ends in a non-stop tantrum. I'll let that go on for ten minutes or so, then go talk to him/her - make him/her apologize, etc. It's hard, and they don't seem to understand it when I use that as a warning.
Mom of twins - I hear you about the "twenty minute rule". LOL OMG....it's so true. You think that something good is on tv that they BOTH like...maybe, just maybe, I can eat breakfast in peace (if I'm quick). And then it starts, here I go again: "Cut it out!" "Stop jumping on the couch!" "Don't push her!" "Don't hit him!"...on and on. Unreal, huh?
Dad to Luke & Alan - I also wonder too how much of it is just plain sibling rivalry...just typical fighting amongst siblings. I know they are pushing each other's buttons - each knows what will set the other one off. I try to look for some normalcy in it, if I can.
I didn't really think I was the only one, but I wanted to hear that someone else out there had kids like mine, and that it was common behavior. I am SO hoping that they will grow out of it as they get older - simple maturity. It would be really nice to just get a break from this other than their school time - just once in a while, you know? (But I don't trust anyone other than family. No one else would really deal with it.)
Thanks again,
Patty
I have "those days" everyday as well. My hope is that they will grow out of it! Friends, husband and family bailed on me right after the diagnosis (year and a half ago) and today a therapist bailed on me. To tell you the truth, I was so disappointed about the therapist not coming. I depend so much on that time to let someone else referee! I eat breakfast when the kids watch sesame street (they only get through 20 minutes of it before the fighting starts) and I eat dinner after they go to bed. I seriously have to stand over them at their meal times! I am counting the days until they go back to school! You are not alone.[QUOTE=YepperBepper]
My two oldest NT children DD and DS (2 years apart) drove me absolutley bonkers at that age. As they matured, made friends and developed interests outside the home, the fighting dissipated. However, they still know how to push each others buttons and they are now 16 and 13.
I don't know if this helps....but I don't think it is that unusual NT or not.
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I would have to echo that sentiment. My two older boys fight almost non-stop when school is out! Drives me, DH and Jason crazy! LOL Gaby-baby just laughs at them, thank goodness...but the two of them are the "terrible twosome"!
Patty,
I dont have much advice but remember the age between 3-5 was the very hardest with Sarah..and she is just one child and pretty mild in the behavioral dept...
I had days of her screaming for hours and nothing worked...the only thing to help is to take a total break when you can. I would clean a space out of my closet to sit in and talk on the phone sometimes just to have "my space" ...when she gets wild and I cant take it no more I send her to her room which she hates like crazy. She cant come out till she calms down and I explain and warn her way before she escalates the consequencs so to give her a chance to settle down:)
I would come up with an appropriate consequence for their bad behavior and reward their positive ones as much as you can~verbally and with stickers, rewards treasure box toy for when they are really nice to each other:)...we tend to focus on the bad but you would be surprised how much better they behave when you give them positive praise for good behavior:) Best of luck:)
I just had to ask you all if you are going through what I'm going through here at home.
I've got my two kids (who I wouldn't trade for anybody's, obviously) - my son who is 5 and my daughter who is 3 1/2. Both are on the spectrum and qualified to have all the services at school - speech, pt and ot. (My daughter even has a feeding therapist coming to the house now, twice a week.) It's just that...EVERY SINGLE DAY...it's just constant refereeing. They are ALWAYS fighting or doing something they shouldn't. I mean, it NEVER, EVER stops. I'm lucky to eat my breakfast in the morning, and wolf down my dinner at night. My husband and I discipline the kids, but nothing really works. And since they don't comprehend the concept of punishment, that doesn't work either. (Ex. No computer today, you pushed Erika again.) We don't spank either. I don't think they misbehave this much when they are at school, but it seems that that's the way it goes with everyone.
I thought I had fantastic patience for this, but it's taking a big toll on me. And I started yelling again. Nothing else to do but yell. My son, on his own, can be better behaved. But my daughter hits me, talks back and doesn't cooperate every day. I recently started an anti-anxiety drug, but it seems to have stopped working.
My marriage is in trouble (separated) and I've got this to deal with every day...and it's becoming too much. My parents are both gone (prematurely), and while I do have sisters here - they don't help at all. They won't even babysit for me.
So, is this lots of people with ASD kids - or just me????
Thanks,
Patty
Mom to Jeffrey (5) and Erika (3 1/2) both ASD kids.
What you are going through is oh so familiar to me. You are not alone in the world when it comes to this type of thing. I know that doesn't make you feel better, or take away the pain, but you just need to know that you are NOT alone. I know what you mean by not having family that will babysit, and that is so emotionally painful.