Food for thought. I hope in a way it IS his parents "not managing him," because if they are taking the blame for his behavior and it is not ... that is TOUGH to live with!
I see this w/ a family member (PDD) who spends a lot of time w/ us. At
our house, he is great--we have a pretty well-set schedule, visual cues
galore, we give verbal warnings before transitions, etc. We started
primarily for our younger dd, but have found it works GREAT for all of us.
Anyway, we also make sure we do plenty of physical activities aka sensory
integration. At our house, we also have set rules, and love giving rewards
& also boundaries. Anyway, at this family member's house, there is no
schedule, no set guidelines or limits, rewards are announced but never
followed through, punishments are threatened & often not carried out, OR
the punishment doesn't fit the crime. This child is like night & day, one
way at our house and another around his parents. It really is startling.
I'm always emailng articles & passing books along, ideas etc. to his
parents in hopes they'll change some of their lifestyle...their life &
their son's would be so much better.
**Oh yeah, edited to add...our dd sometimes acts SO different in other
settings. Like, her school evaluation. For one hour, she was like a whole
other child (some stimming, but other than that, a very compliant mellow
kid). We see a pattern: when she is uncomfortable w/ someone (but not
scared like at a doctor's office where she has meltdowns & screams), she
will be very kind & compliant. Once she feels comfortable w/ those
people, she tends to 'show her true colors,' seems she feels okay being
more demanding, screaming, meltdowns, etc. So, this could also be
something like that for this child. Elle2239274.5674305556I know we have chatted about how our kids are different at home and school. I wanted to share this to show how really different kids can be. Over the last few years I was involved in a special needs cub scout pack, special needs bowling, and special needs baseball for my son John. There was also another child with autism who I will call "D". "D" and his family were eventually asked to leave all three of the activities by the organizers of each program because his behavior was uncontrollable, bordering on seriously dangerous to him and others. He ran around the locations, climbing over and under things and people, shoving and hitting people, had no language and was impossible to manage. The kicker being that his mom and dad would sit at the activity and just let him run that way. When the rest of the parents and organizers had had it with managing him and the parents just didn't they were asked to leave. Anyway.....fast forward and I get this little guy "D" as one of my students to supervise this summer. I was PREPARED and once I walked into the class.....completely blown away. I saw him in class and 1-1 in my office. He speaks in short sentences, he complied with my every request and direction, didn't exhibit any challenging behaviors, and was actually quite typical. I talked to his old consultant who said that it was mostly due to his parents not managing him. I am not saying that towards anyone here.......it just really hit home how our guys can do soooooo different in different environments!Interesting observations.WOW! The thing is that is exactly Nikolas, but backwards. the child you described first at the activities is the child the school sees, and the child you described in the summer program is the child I see. That is also the child the private OT and ST sees. Andrew on the other hand who was so compliant at school is so resistant and home and the private therapies. That really makes me think about home schooling NIkolas very seriously.
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