Playdates....when does it get better?? | Autism PDD

My son did and does the same things. He surprises everyone and interacts in his own time. I would use some play dates as learning experiences for him, and some for you to have a break. He doesn't have to play with the other kids, just as long as he is being safe. I needed some of that time for adult conversation.The ages between 2.5 and 3.5 were the hardest for me when it came to
playdates. After really bonding with a few other new Moms, I felt like we
started drifting in different directions because of my son's developmental
issues. I felt very isolated sometimes, and still do. I stopped joining in
on group playdates, as they were sort of painful to go to, J wasn't really
enjoying himself, and most other Mom's just really didn't "get it".

J still doesn't really play with other kids, but he has definitely outgrown
the lightswitch/sink play phase and is even starting to stay away from
kitchen drawers. His autism has brought me closer to the few families
who have always been able to accept him for who he is and watch his
development and comment on his positives. Our social circle has shrunk,
but I have found peace in the fact that we do what's right for us. I
treasure the friends we have and am glad there are a few households he
feels totally comfortable at. I think that community is more important
right now than whether or not he plays like the other kids do.

We are going to start a playgroup soon, I'll keep you updated on how it
goes.[quote]The ages between 2.5 and 3.5 were the hardest for me when it came to
playdates. After really bonding with a few other new Moms, I felt like we
started drifting in different directions because of my son's developmental
issues. I felt very isolated sometimes, and still do. I stopped joining in
on group playdates, as they were sort of painful to go to, J wasn't really
enjoying himself, and most other Mom's just really didn't "get it". [/quote].

EXACTLY how I felt. In fact it is still hard for me. My niece started soccer, she is 8, and I have helped raise her because my older sister is a single parent. I can't bring myself to go to her games, and I wouldn't even take her soccer photo she gave me to put on the fridge because it upset me so much. I put Gage in soccer last year and he wasn't able to play. I knew it was just wishful thinking, but I kept thinking maybe he would surprise everyone and be really good at it Of course, he was unable to play and ended up sitting on the side until I stopped bringing him. He didn't have the muscle strength to kick the ball, is unable to run, and couldn't understand when the ball was coming near him. But I was so determined for him to play!
Anyway it just breaks my heart that my niece can play and my son can't. It was the same with play dates. I got so sick of hearing about one of my best friend's "Golden Boy" that we do not talk to this day. I feel very isolated and alone most of the time. We rarely have play dates at all, just when I get together with my friends and their kids play with Gage's toys, but it is still hard. He has been invited to a friend's house once and they never asked him back. When kids came to his birthday party he locked himself in the bathroom for the first 30 minutes and wouldn't come out in front of his classmates from Kindergarten. I guess my point is, I don't know if it will get easier but Prozac helps!

Hi your little boy is still young. Maybe he is just overwhelmed coping with a different house and a lot of people? If he is engaging in repetitive activities(my son used to do those same things a lot he could be feeling stressed. Maybe try one other child you know well at your house. Explain to the mother. Think of things they can do alongside each other that your son might like to do eg play doh or puzzles. Skip the pretend games. Have a snack together, watch his favourite video together. Later on you can advance to a simple game where they take turns. You may need to practice with your son first.

It doesn't mean you have to stop going on playdates or play group. Your son is still taking in what is happening around himTo be honest when you get a group of young autistic children together they dont play with each other but do their own thing. Both my children attend an autism specific school and at parties and playdates weve had with some of the kids at my house they dont play together. My 2 dont play together apart from wrestling and tickling each other. You have to direct them in games together. I promise it does get better. These earlier years are so hard on you emotionally. Liz

Sarah totally tuned out kids till we put her in a ABA based playgroup..it had some typical kids and some asd kids with 3 therapists that did structured play activities with sticker rewards for good behaviors, listening, engaging or asking questions...the typical kids got stickers for any type of responses they could get out of Sarah and vice versa:) They played games, themes~doctors,zoo, dolls, cooks, construction workers, pirates ect...colored pics to go with theme..at the end of session if they earned ALL their stickers they got a prize out of the Treasure Box!

Karrie

I think that if certain skills are not taught to some our kids, they really do
not know how to do play dates. I personally think that inside playdates
are much harder to sustain than outside play. You may try outside play
areas and bring things he may like. (bubbles, cushy stretchy play things,
big bouncy balls, ride on cars, electric cars,) Engage the kids by going on
the equipment and riding down the slides etc., watch kids take turns and
do high fives.
I think you may also have to work on your sons stims. My son liked
closing and opening doors as well as turning lights on and off. That is
what he would have preferred to do instead of playing with other kids.
My son, like Shelly's daughter learned to play in a structured ABA
playgroup at first. Not everykid needs this but my son benefited greatly
from this.

I think if you are about to start ABA or other therapies, it helps if your
child can acquire skills from the following areas. Some kids do not need
to be taught these skills, my son did.

Listener Behavior     Joint Attention, Fast Mapping, Sustained Attention,
Group Attention, etc.

Dexterity     Fine and Gross Motor Skills.

Leisure Skills     Toy Manipulation, Parallel Play, Associative Play,
Cooperative Play, Symbolic Play, Constructive Play, Group Sport, etc.

Established Reinforcers, Sensitivity to Social Contact, Sensitivity to Subtle
Social Stimuli (e.g., smiles), Sensitivity to Disapproval, etc.Our playdates are therapist supervised and are just starting to get better. My son is 3 1/2 with emerging language (mostly labels, greets and requests at this point). He is defeintely tolerating his peers and that process has taken a long time. Now, he is able to do turn taking games, etc., greet them and ask them for toys. Improving everyday. It takes a while and you son is still pretty young. Try to do shorter periods of time and have small expectations for each playdate (He will say appropriate greetings or exchange a toy 1 time.) It is also helpful to have them in your home in the begining.

When do playdates get easier?? When I tell my son that we are leaving for Mia's house he knows were he is going...he says her name until we get there. We walk through the door and he looks at no one. He goes straight for the stairs and goes up and down. He also knows were the light switch is so he can turn it on and off. I feel like we do not belong most of the time. I am either pulling him from the light switch or trying to get him to at least be around the other children. Should I find a group that has autistic children? Does it help? My son has a huge fixation with going up and down things so people at the playgroup make a point to say things like wow he sure likes doing that... I just want to not have to explain his behavior all the time. Another thing is that he has just started to say see ya bye to the fans when we leave a room.He is 2 years and 4 months.