I told anyone that I interacted with...some would walk away as soon as they could and some would stay and didn't care that he was different...Now that he is 10, I don't need to tell many (he looks more typical now)...with my 4 yr old, I tell people who try to talk to him, cause they expect a response and he won't give one (just jabbers)...
I am still fairly new at this, but I would say in those first few day, I told my parents, and 2 of my closest girlfriends. I actually didn't even tell them the ASD thing, but described PDD, and then they both asked. I told myself that I would not lie about it. I usually explain PDD to other family and friends (I think it was Shelley explained the spectrum with circles) using the circle description and leave it at that. Some, who I feel will not be receptive, or understanding, I just say that he has some delays, but he is in therapy to help him adjust. My in-laws, and my best friend are in that group. They are in that group that was discussed earlier today in another thread, ie. He's just a busy boy, he'll catch up, he's just fine, get over it, etc...
I couldnt say the "A" word for a while..it had to sink and I had to come to terms with it first...then I found myself telling the gymboree teacher because Sarah wasnt following any of the other kids and I didnt want to get kicked out...it turned out she had a 2 year old with the same sx but more and had no clue till she talked to me...he turned out to have severe autism. I try to let in on her diagnoses to only those that are in contact with her..teachers, therapists, doctors..ect..as far as family and friends I am a big mouth and told everyone right away! I hate secrets:) Sometimes I have let in to strangers but always felt wierd afterwards..they didnt really need to know..I could of said she was just shy or speech delayed but I think I was so consumed with reaching out to others that may have answers or information...never did and ended up telling a book about her and feeling neurotic...I chalk it down to spreading awareness and maybe the just might look it up after meeting my child?? I am more mum about it now because she is so much more indistinguishable and she herself understands everything and I respect her privacy.
I have two children who have been diagnosed with HFA. My son was diagnosed around 8 months ago (he's 5) and my daughter around 3 months ago (she's 3). My question is this: Who do you tell about your child's diagnosis? As of today our parents know and a few close friends. My fear is, of course, they'll be treated differently if I'm upfront with people, but right now I'm having so much anxiety when I take them places because they have very obvious delays (language, social) and I feel it would help me relax and let them just be themselves if I didn't try and hide what is going on.
I'm not talking about strangers, but people who you have contact with often such as neighbors, extended family, friends. We have a block party in our neighborhood in a few weeks and I get so crazy at the party running around trying to pretend that my children are NT kids, and I don't know if it would change how I'm feeling if I tell people.
So anyone tell people other than close family members? If you did, has it been more positive than negative? I'm at the point I'm just tired of hiding what is going on.
We tell anyone who asks, that is it. My son is quite obvious. I've actually had one couple ask ME if I was aware. Um, yeah.....lolI like your attitude, andrewsmommy!
I tell people who will have responsibility for him in terms of taking care of him. We have told family (who mostly have been very positive) as well. I tend not to tell many people - mainly because we rarely have issues in public. And I want to make sure when he is older that his privacy IS respected and if I have already told the whole world - well, he won't really have a choice when he gets older. In our old town, a lot of people knew - well, because he was more obvious a year and a half ago and I needed lots of support. I may change my mind again, but I'm not sure.
I've had both positive and negative experiences when telling. One "friend" I didn't see for almost a full year after telling her! I am sure her son has autism and she has yet to admit it. Most people who interact with this boy think so too. Anyway, there will be people who react negatively - but in my opinion then you really don't want them in your life now, do you?
I really am a fence-sitter on this one. Because, I am all about advocacy and education, but I also want my son's privacy somehow maintained and his right to tell people HE wants to know when he gets older. It's not an easy balancing act, let me tell you and I honestly feel like a hypocrite.
Sorry, I'm not being much help here, am I?Practically noone. When we were fearful of his possibly having ASD we told my parents and my sister. Big mistake. They sometimes look at him 'clinically' and ask about his obsessions in front of him. Nobody else knows or suspects anything.
yeah i have a big mouth and told all our family and close friends. i
actually sent out an email explaining what was going on in our family
situation. i wasn't looking for sympathy i am just an open person. in fact
this helped b/c someone knew someone who knew someone who had
gone through this, etc. so i landed up getting a lot of good contacts and
learning a lot of information from the "front lines".
our neighbors know as well. he can be "off" and i want it out there that it
is part of who he is and we know and we are working on it with him.
i don't say anything to complete strangers unless his behavior is
deplorable then i mention it.
L
its part of us here....everyone knows!!
i never hid it...granted i was alot younger and less knowledgeble when we found out about jer- but we did tell people...
its part of all of us. god gave me him for a reason....not shy about saying that.
[QUOTE=AndrewsMommy]Everyone...someone is staring, I smile and say, "He has autism." When he lays on the ground in public yelling or crying, I sit down next to him and try to stay calm. To the curious onlookers I say, "...He has autism..." Then I ALWAYS smile.
PS This has often opened up useful conversations for me or for a stranger, and some strangers have become friends...People respond to how you act, not just your children...
[/QUOTE]
There are times we cannot hide it. That's why we make pre-emptive strikes. We let people know first, to prepare them... maybe brace them for the worst... then when the worst doesn't happen..., GREAT !!
If meltdown happens.... if the other parties are not nosey-parkers who are standing there for the free show, engage them in conversation... the way AndrewsMommy mentioned above... with a SMILE
PS This has often opened up useful conversations for me or for a stranger, and some strangers have become friends...People respond to how you act, not just your children... I told more people when he was younger, he was a lot more noticeable then. Now I don't avoid telling ,But I mostly get the response ,He doesn't look Autistic.,and I have a big mouth so I cant just drop it, I feel the need to Educate.
You know, they don't all flap,and are not all non verbal,There is a spectrum, ect ect... Linda We tell everyone that interacts with him. Also, like MamaKat, sometimes people we meet. I now pretty much make it a point to tell everyone so they will always try harder to understand them and at work...so they can understand me and where I am. Early on DW did not feel comfortable disclosing, but I have found it to be relieving and she agrees now that it is best for all of us. I tell anyone who I think needs to know. A question I have is, are there times are kids are just behaving badly? Do most of our children's tantrums come down to the disorder? I always respond in a way to redirect or accomodate Ali and I always assume it is part of her sensory issues or communication issues.... Lately, Ali has been so agressive and snaps at everyone who talks to her. She is saying some pretty awful things and hitting and punching a lot. Half the time, she right away acts shocked at herself and says "I'm sorry". I am not sure why she has gotten so agressive and angry in the last few weeks..... Sorry...guess I am venting. We are at that awkward point between my wanting to respect her privacy, and explain her behavior. If she overreacts to a schoolmate, do I tell them why, and risk her wrath later? I am thinking of explaining it in terms of individual circumstance, "She has social delays. She did not understand that you were trying to be nice because she does not always understand humor or your facial expression." What do all of you with school-agers who are mainstreamed DO? I tell people...just like a lot of you do here. I have taken Adam to many different therapies over the years and in the waiting rooms there have been other parents of OBVIOUS spectrum children..but yet the parents never would say anything about Autism or the like. In fact there have been people that would sit and listen to me vent etc yet would act as though they never had to deal with that kind of stuff etc. Even to the point of almost making me feel as though I am alone in it when there is OBVIOUSLY something going on with their child or they wouldn't be there at therapy in the first place. Don't get me wrong...I understand privacy...I understand a need to not tell everyone your business...BUT I DON"T understand letting someone feel alone when you obviously have something to give to the conversation. It almost appeared as though these people (2 different ones) wanted to feel "above" me and mine. Or in SOOO much denial that they truly believed what they were saying maybe? ANyway...weird (shaking head). THe "A" word is used so often around Adam that he probably already knows that he has it. We don't focus our lives around it but it certainly isn't anything that I am ashamed of by any means. I struggled with this whether I was going to tell him etc and I recently decided that I am going to go about my business as usual and I figure that eventually he will ask if he wants to know. But I'm not going to hide anything from him either. As far as other people...WHen I feel it is necessary to say something then I do. If I don't feel that it is necessary then I don't. Recently there was an occasion where Adam while in public was having some undesirable behavior..LOL Well I didn't say anything to anyone about Autism...but what he was doing was not affecting anyone else and I wasn't getting any comments about him. If I had then I would have said something. I plan on telling his teacher when school starts. I think it is important, especially since he will no longer have any supports, that he/she know and be aware of it so that we may catch anything that needs catching before it's too late as far as his education is concerned. Everyone in my family knows. ok..I've talked enough... Karrie
First few people I told from playgroup totally didn't get it. They said I should just let him withdraw and not interact with the other kids. Was really weird especially since he had been in playgroup with them before and they didn't try to single him out before. Now they all (after explaining) understand that there is nothing they nor their kids need to do to accommodate him.
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