I'm sure all of our kids have this problem being on the spectrum. I just want to know what I can do to help him get thru this---or maybe we will all have to live with it forever?????
Jacob is having a hard time with others "copying" him--or "his" ideas. Meltdown city if someone did HIS jump on the trampoline. Or if someone did HIS flip into the pool. He considers these "copying"---like cheating. They aren't following the rules. I didn't even think he was much of a "rule-boy" either. He had this problem alot at school this year. But now---it is even when playing with others. I've tried to tell him and show him, that they like his jumps and want to try it. And turn it around for when someone does a good jump and he tries it. He just doesn't get it.
What can I do? This is the majority of his meltdowns so far this summer.
Quinn has this problem with another boy in school looking at him. The other boy is similar to Quinn. I'm not sure what his dx is but they are similar. I've tired telling him that they like and admire him..One day after having one of these talks with him he sais "Mom I wish I was ugly so that John(changed his name) would not want to look at me"....lolSorry you are having to go through the tantrums....at least you know what is causing them however. It gets you that much closer to solving the puzzle!
Is Jacob's issue with all peers, only certain ones, siblings? The first thing that pops into my head would be some sort of reward system, a desens to being copied. Maybe if he deals w/ copying in a contrived situation for a certain amount of time, then he gets a sticker etc. Also, i have had a lot of success w/ character scenarios. Using toy people, you brainstorm together appropriate ways to deal w/ being copied, phrases you can use or ways for removing yourself from the situation (if you like that idea i could write it up in more detail) Maybe a social story praising how impressive your son is and what a compliment the others are paying him by admiring his ideas? Im all about building coping skills and positive reinforcement, i could probably come up w/ more if you want, but this is already kinda long.
We havent cross this problem yet but she is rigid so it wont surprise me if it comes up later on...
I would reward any acceptance to others copying and model how to deal with it and let him know how wonderful it is to have others admire his talents so much that they want to copy him...teach him to praise them for it and reward him for doing so..use hero's for modeling..like spiderman and superman and how cool it is to pretend to be them.
I am working very hard at letting her know that we cant control other peoples likes or dislikes and cant have everything our way...this usually can last awhile of back and forth debating but I am hoping she gets it before she graduates high school!
Good luck!
Pick the things you most want your son to have addressed. It's really not possible to "fix" everything at once. Probably there should be a maximum of 5 objectives. Remember, you have many, many years to work on this area, but it will prove to be the area that most handicaps him in life if it's not addressed. The truth is that #13 is ONE goal. That long list is all the interim objectives. You can present the one goal to the school as well as examples of what you see your son doing that interferes with reaching that goal and let THEM tell YOU what they can and will work on. Then let them write the objectives. The point is to make this a priority -- academics will always be less of an urgent issue. Many Asperger's kids get severely bullied in school. Of course, other kids should be taught to not be bullies. But you can't control other kids. What you can hope to control is your own child's behavior so that he doesn't attract bullies. Start now to teach him the vital social skills that will make him welcome among his peers as he grows older. This is the MOST important thing you can do. There is a TON of research that says that separate social skills groups don't work with ASD kids. That's because ASD kids must learn social skills in the natural social context. Get the IEP to do this in school and also to provide you with parent training so that you can do this outside of school. Being liked and accepted by his coworkers when he is in the workforce is far more important than what higher education he eventually gets. I know lots of Asperger's adults, personally, who cannot earn a living despite college diplomas because no one wants to work with them. Please address this one step at a time from now until your child grows up. There are only two requirements for being able to get and keep a job (outside of particular job skills, of course). Those two things are WORK HARD. BE NICE. Work on the BE NICE part and you will be giving your son a gift.I looked over that great website and our school would drop over dead if I took in those goals and the billion objectives that go with them!
Do I pick and chose which objectives?
Practice playing imitation games like Simon Says. Or make one up that requires that the players mirror one another. Or do a social story that makes clear that one of the "rules" is that no one owns any single "jump" or word or answer. Your son is overgeneralizing the concept of cheating. Get a goal on his IEP that addresses overgeneralization. Ask for help from the school with this (I know it's summer, but this won't stop in the fall -- get them to address it). You have put your finger on one of the reasons that Asperger's adults are 92% unemployed or underemployed. No coworkers want to be near them. The greatest and most important goal for Aspergers kids is to learn to "be nice." Your child is significantly disabled in his ability to understand social rules (which are never as rigid as the "rules" he has in his head) and is blind to how his behavior is seen by peers.
Go to this excellent goal bank. http://www.bridges4kids.org/IEP/iep.goal.bank.pdf
Then go to Social Emotional Goal #13. Under it, it has about 30 objectives. Some of these may be appropriate for his IEP and/or they make be appropriate for you to address over the summer, which is when a child has the opportunity to develop good social skills.
If you work constantly on your son's social goals from now until he goes out into the world to find a job, he will have a far greater chance of finding and keeping a job at his competence level than if he cannot get along with co-workers. The most reviled kid on the block is one who is considered a tattle-tale, which is how rigid rule-invoking kids are seen. Good luck with addressing this. If you never accept this behavior from him and let him know in no uncertain terms that cooperation is the rule, not policing others' behavior, you will be doing him a huge favor.