I take my ds to church with me ,we sit in the front seat with my mom,Zachary acts quite good most times , although I may have to take him out occasionally.
Mostly he whacks his face on me and pushes his face into the books in the seats, I don't get too many looks , Because My mom has a big Mouth
God bless , Linda
Well, I guess it's my night to play devil's advocate.
I guess I can understand that churches want to KEEP their volunteers who run the nurseries and not drive them away. I'm sorry to say it, but some kids with autism would scare people away due to their behaviors. It may be because they don't know how to handle the behaviors and/or they just aren't very accepting. Whether it is right or not, well that's another story - but think about before you had a child with autism... Would you know what to do in order to take care of him/her? Would you be a little scared because your stereotype is a child who head-bangs, rocks and has little ability to communicate (even if it is clear that a child in front of them CAN talk?)? Every child with autism is different so even giving a training does not prepare anyone to take care of each individual child. Churches also have liability issues like everyone else - if your child got hurt or another child got hurt - what would happen? Yes it could happen with an NT child as well - but in their opinion it is more likely to happen if a child has autism. I'm not saying it is accurate (although in some cases it might be), just what other people's perceptions are.
Anyway, I'm not saying this is right to discriminate against our kids. It is awful for us and for our kids - and for churches and society as well! But, I'm not sure what suggestions to make to our churches to help them understand our kids better and help us as well. Anyone have any thoughts?
our church TOTALLY rejected us like we were lepers. we changed churches but only my husband goes. we tried for a YEAR to get alutism awareness out and had a big meeting and ONE PERSON showed up. it is sad that the people who should be the most help are the least help! I know this grieves the heart of God.Lost Mom,
About the door, if you have a house alarm try and keep it on whenever your ds is not within your sight at home, you will know if he opens the main door. There are combination locks you can use so that unless you put in the secret combination the door will not open.
For less than .00, Walgreens, walmart, some dollar stores as well also have some alarms that go off to alert you when the door is open.
Yes unfortunately autism is still an issue that tends to isolate the child's family from the general society even churches. Church day cares are so quick to reject autistic kids it is unbelievable. For now they are within the law to reject our kids. I hope the general society would be more accomodating with more public education about autism.
Concernedpa.
You know, before I had a child on the autism spectrum I was probably one of those parents. It often is a matter of not knowing what to do and IF the parent wants you to help. I had offered help on occasion and been rudely rebuffed. I didn't want to be seen as criticizing someone's parenting - which is sometimes how some parents take an offer of help. I have occasionally been offered help when I truly didn't need it - and I said no thanks (and was confused as well!). A few times I've been offered help and took it though. I am just getting to the point of taking both with me for long times in public - but this is hard and I usually am worn out after. I try to have back-up available at all times - which will be more difficult now that we live in a new town. In our old town, we usually attended events where I could always ask someone to watch one child while I dealt with the other (if needed).
Since my son was diagnosed, I make it a point to offer to help a LOT more often (if I can). This isn't always easy if I have both kids by myself, but I try to figure out a way. I still get the rude rebuffs - but I know now to start out my offer by saying something like, "You know my kids used to have an issue with... (fill in the blank). Can I help by (fill in the blank)?" If I say that my kids did something like what their kids are doing, I am much more likely to get a positive response because I am not seen as criticizing - I'm seen as a fellow warrior (I sometimes feel like one!
I know we can't all do that - but especially if you get out of the house ever without kids, make an effort to try to spot parents who are having a tough time. The more that you do it, the more likely others will see and maybe next time they might offer too... Let's start a new trend!
where do you live shenom?!?! wow that is so great!I think the kind of help I'm looking for is to just be included by somebody. Kwim? Not necessarily jump in and do something with my kids, but just include me in the conversation-notice me. Allow me to develope a relationship with somebody there. Or like somebody mentioned- thinking about me enough to bring me a cup of coffee outdoors while I watch my children.
[QUOTE=shenom]My church has definitely embraced our kids and is going out of it's way to advertise our program to the community. They also sponsor a Sibshops group and a support group for parents. In my opinion, this is what the church is all about!
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Maybe there is hope. Don't these people have a new thing called the internet? To say someone is not educated on autism is to say they don't care about your kid. I find that's the real definition of a friend, someone who doesn't just ask stupid questions, but has actually researched ASD and asks questions that pertain to your kids version of it. I just returned from an overnight camp behind a friend's house and I can't tell you how many times people offered, or just helped. These are people I've known all my life though. Even just telling their kids to take him for a walk or something can be a huge help when your trying to cook or set up camp. I suppose the church is different in that a parish probably does not necessarily mean close friends, but I would hope someone has enough compassion to spot these issues and work to correct them. As stated approaching a strange parent and offering help is pretty akward for all involved, and I would think it would happen more if not for the fear of rejection or insulting the parent
I'm very fortunate in that our church actually has a Special Needs Ministry. They have a program that is run by a member who has an autistic son, and it's staffed with well trained volunteers. It includes both an self-contained class with typical peers and an inclusion program where a typical age child accompanies the special needs child to their Sunday School class. We have several volunteers who are specially trained including a Special Ed teacher, a medical doctor who specializes in ADHD, some PT/OT's, etc. My son is in the self-contained class, and there are 3 other boys (all on the spectrum) who generally attend with him. There are usually at least 2 adult volunteers and one child peer for each special needs child. My son gets TONS of attention. The program includes free time, lesson time, a craft, and music. And it's all FREE.
My church has definitely embraced our kids and is going out of it's way to advertise our program to the community. They also sponsor a Sibshops group and a support group for parents. In my opinion, this is what the church is all about!
Most times in church, decorum is considered paramount. That is why ASD and church don't mix that well. Sometimes people understand, sometimes they don't. But, either way, they don't like the solemnity of the occasion interrupted by autism "stuff." Then, after the actual service, people sometimes feel uncomfortable speaking with the parent of the child who was disruptive, even if it was clear that that disruption was not in the child's control. People don't know what to say and don't know what to do. Think back to a time before autism affected your life. Did you go on the Internet or into the library (for us whose kids "got" it prior to the internet) to look up info on autism? Probably not. No one cares about things that don't have a direct and immediate affect on their lives.
People in church want two things when it comes to autism -- not have it disrupt the service and not feel uncomfortable about what to do or not do with or for the child or his parents. afterwards. It's simply an awkward thing. I hate that I feel as though my son is still not fully accepted, all these years later. However, I know it's because people feel impotent. I don't actually know how to make them feel more comfortable and I don't have the time or energy to worry about THEIR comfort. I spend a lot of time praying that God lets us get through without too much humiliation (tho, after all these years, my son is fine in church. Still, ya never know.)
On a positive note, this past Father's Day, my husband was one of two Fathers who were especially honored (with gift certificates to Home Depot) for being exemplary fathers. So at least we know people notice our efforts. Just wish it weren't all so awkward.
[QUOTE=snoopywoman]I know we can't all do that - but especially if you get out of the house ever without kids, make an effort to try to spot parents who are having a tough time. The more that you do it, the more likely others will see and maybe next time they might offer too... Let's start a new trend!
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It takes only a drop to add to the ocean.... what snoopywoman said above is very true... We who have kids on the spectrum KNOW & RECOGNIZE the early signs... much better than even a trained professional who learns his/her trade from books or lectures or even a layman who reads it in his/her casual reading. They don't live with ASD kids.... WE DO... & WE KNOW what comes with it...
So, let's do our part, small it may be, to help the next family we see who are dealing with these issues... better still who are not even aware of it. It might make their life a little bit smoother...
But CHEER UP!!! Soon the better days will come... Yes! It is tough handling two kids at a public place, what more when one bolts around like she was TheFlash.... It takes a while... but you mentioned that it was a church picnic, wasn't it. Where were the other adults at the picnic ?? Didn't they realise that you were alone, handling 2 bubbly kids.. and offered you some help ?? You are right tzoya.... and it makes us sad, as Christians, to see the lack of empathy to our children... After the Lord's Supper each Sunday... everyone is supposed to adjourn to the Mission House for a cup of coffee. My ASD boy never wants to stay in the building, so he'll be walking outside. His younger bro will definitely follow him. So we end up hanging out by ourselves... while everyone else is busy chatting and drinking/eating inside. NEVER HAS THERE A SINGLE PERSON WHO WILL WALK UP TO ME & SAY... " Would like me to keep an eye on your boys, while you have a cup of coffee inside? " There were occasions though where some kind sisters will bring out the tray of food for us.. BUT that's TOO FEW and far in between... BOTTOM LINE>>> We're on OUR OWN... most of the time... [QUOTE=autumn]our church TOTALLY rejected us like we were lepers. we changed churches but only my husband goes. we tried for a YEAR to get alutism awareness out and had a big meeting and ONE PERSON showed up. it is sad that the people who should be the most help are the least help! I know this grieves the heart of God.[/QUOTE] I was just about to say I heard them all .... Unbelievable. Thanks for listening!
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