handling skeptics? | Autism PDD

I agree with you totally. It is so very frustrating and hurtful to be told you are just being too worried and/or making things up. Moms KNOW when something is wrong with their child, and our gut instincts are almost never wrong. The only thing I'v found to shut people up is to tell them that the doctors are trained in their fields and that is why we leave the diagnosing up to the professionals. Of course in your case it doesnt help when you own pediatritian discounts your concerns. Change doctors quickly!

Catherine,

I have learned the hard way to only let tell people what they are willing to hear~usually small bits:)

...my mom, and dh and friends..ect.. took a long time to accept that something was amiss with Sarah. The more evals we got through the school, neurologists, and dev. pediatrician the more my dh was able to see the full picture but even at that he never would read or research it at all..even now he hates to hear about it. I was lucky he paid for her to get help..we did ABA and it was all out of pocket~if he didnt do this I would of moved to New York to get it for her.

You will learn to be very selective in what you say...IMHO the people in my life really dont want to hear about autism, stims or behaviors...they cant relate so even though they smile and try to be understanding it is so far from their world that they feel helpless on what to say.

I found moms that had kids on the spectrum that understood completely and I didnt have to convince them anything or feel I was making it up just for attn.

I sent links to family and friends to help them understand...it is better given them "just the facts" from professionals than from me. Not sure they read them.

Good luck! Follow your instincts..you are your daughter's best advocate and years from now you will have no regrets doing everything you can to help her...what people think is not important right now:) You have us!

My best friend that i talk to long distance at least 2 times per day, I still have not even told. She had said that I was crazy for even taking him to the neuro and that he was "just a busy boy", I just told my own sister last week. I completely know what you are going through. At this point we have no intentions of telling DH's folks. Stay strong. Believe in your own instincts....

And of course, come here, we will encourage you!

Does anyone have any advise for handling skeptics? My dd got a dx of mild ASD from one Dr. and DD from another. My mother in law just told me that she doesn't think dd should go to a special ed preschool and that she will just grow out of it. Mind you she only see dd twice a year for a few days at a time. She also knows nothing about ASD.

My husband just thinks she has social anxiety, even though he's seen her making the grimacing faces and other ASD behaviors. Recently she started a new stim were she rubs her face a lot. I told him I thought it was a new stim and he says, "What's a stim?", "I think we should stop looking for those things.". UGH!! I spend more time with her than any body, I'm the one that talks to her preschool teachers, who think she's ASD. I'm the one that takes her to all the Dr. appointments, swim lessons, play date, birthday parties, etc.

I also get the "she's just bright" a lot too. Well yeah she is but that's not uncommon at all, you can still be bright and on the spectrum too, I don't know why people don't get that. Even her pediatrician, gave me the she's just bright, everyone is getting an autism dx now.

I can see it!!! Yes she's bright but there is something else going on!!!! I'm not the only one that thinks she has a problem, the school district and the Regional Center are giving her services, that doesn't just happen for nothing. OK just had to vent but would also like some advise if anyone can give some.

I honestly don't know, but I'm going through almost the exact same thing as you are right now. DD hasn't been diagnosed with anything yet, but she's put into a no integrated summer program this when she turns 3 this summer and will attend a 5 day a week integrated program at the public school in the fall. I believe she may be on the spectrum as well, but until she's tested again we won't know. My 4 yo dd has mod-severe autism nonverbal and my father thinks she'll grow of it. And I just agree with him and say "yes, I sure hope she will." I have a hard time with this as well, my parents keep asking me if he's
"better" (?!) Um...
In two extreme cases where I felt it necessary to drive my point home with
naysayers, I have actually said, "Well UCLA neuropsyciatric institute, two
well-respected pediatricians, and the Santa Monica-Malibu school district all
disagree with your assesment." (I was a wee-bit mad at the time

)

The nice version of that is. "I know it's hard to understand, especially since
he's so comfortable around you, and you only really see him when he's able
to do his best. But, he is really a different child at school. He does not
interact with other children at all, and his behavioral differences are glaringly
obvious when he's with 'regular' kids. He just needs extra support to
succeed."

Mamakat

I like the first response:[QUOTE=MamaKat]
In two extreme cases where I felt it necessary to drive my point home with
naysayers, I have actually said, "Well UCLA neuropsyciatric institute, two
well-respected pediatricians, and the Santa Monica-Malibu school district all
disagree with your assesment." (I was a wee-bit mad at the time

But I'll try to use your diplomatic second one more often. I guess I just have to limit the conversation with my MIL to things like, "she so cute she did this..." Superficial but less stressful for me.

Thanks to everyone who responded, I can see you all know exactly what I'm going through. I would have to be the biggest idiot if I ignored two psychologist, her regular preschool teachers, OT's, and other evaluators and just listened the advise of someone who sees her twice a year.

I just makes me mad that she would thoughtlessly give out that kind of advise. I wanted to say, "What if your wrong??". That's just damn reckless.

I know this is kind of mean but her track record so far has been consistently terrible. She told me not to breast feed, wanted me to get antibiotics for every cold, the list could go on. In fact, I think I am on the right track since she says not to do it. I know that sounds harsh but I've been through a lot with her.

My husband is on board with this and even fought with the school to get a better special ed class, one in the morning, but he is in denial. He'll come around and at least he is supportive and is not listening to his mother!!

"I know this is kind of mean but her track record so far has been consistently terrible. She told me not to breast feed, wanted me to get antibiotics for every cold, the list could go on. In fact, I think I am on the right track since she says not to do it. I know that sounds harsh but I've been through a lot with her."

OMGoodness! Antibiotics for every cold! That might be your problem right there, according to D.A.N. LOL

No but seriously, I would shop around for a ne doc TODAY, just my opinion!
Hope2- Thankfully, I think this is all inreference to her MIL not her DR

Well we're going to move in a few months so I will get a new pediatrician then. She did admit that she wasn't trained to observe ASD behaviors and was willing to get an authorization for a pediatric neurologist, so it's not too bad. But I just don't need one more person telling me "she's just bright", our dentist said that too. I just want to say to them -"Hello, you one see my child for five minuets at a time". Geez!!!

It is damned insulting for someone to think their 5-minute, inexpert observation of my kid negates all of that.

Fortunately the potential skeptics for us are either out of town or out to lunch ... so we do not have to listen to their crap. I am sorry you have to. And you might point out what I said, to them.

I am blessed that I have a lot of support. It is hard to say my son will grow out of it though. He is non verbal, and it is hard for him to appear normal. I would feel encouraged that people feel she is bright and they think she will be ok. I would say I think she will be fine too, but I need your help..... and tell them your expectations. I would just be honest, and if you can't fill in the blank of what you need from them, realize you are probably just sensitive right now and cut them some slack. Sometimes I get offended at what someone says to me when it isn't such a big deal. Hope you get the support you need and deserve!First off, (((((HUGS)))) I am so glad I am over the diagnosis period, it is a VERY stressful, life impacting time. Hang in there!
I came from a different position because I was in denial and it was family, friends, daycare, ect. saying "something isn't right with him" and I would always have to defend him.
However, NOW that he is 6 and a half and he has improved SO much, I have been in the position where people do not believe me that he has Autism! I don't whether to laugh or cry when this happens - if people only knew what Gage goes through! I tell these skeptics the same thing - he is in Special Ed at school with a 2 to 1 Para (teacher's aid) plus he is pulled out for speech, OT, and PT. I also take him to speech, OT, and behavioral therapy each week. He has no friends

He gets teased at school, he has a hard time doing just about everything a kid his age should be doing.
The people who react like they don't think he has Autism do not know enough about the condition to understand that he is high functioning, or to understand that children with Autism do NOT just rock in a corner all day. They are all unique little people and I believe they WANT to make friends and be a part of groups, they just dont know how.
My advice would be to get a different pediatrician - my son's original doctor didn't catch it either, until he refered him to the Neurologist after he qualified for Special Ed services. I would also get some testing done (genetic blood work, MRI, EEG) to make sure it isn't something more SERIOUS going on. You can't worrry about other people, but you SHOULD try to get your husband on board with you and I think having the medical opinion to back yourself up will help him understand.

I am right up there with you and it seems so are alot of us!! Still havent got a dx,maybe never will but my DD is just now 2 and some people see it(ST OT) while other REFUSE-(mainly in-laws) People seem to think ASD kids can't show emotion or have eye-contact or even function...and there is no telling them other wise!! I am sticking to getting her all the help she needs even with daily protest from "them". She is MY daughter I think sometimes people forget that. I have her all day everyday,I see her struggle to try and talk,I comfort her when she meltsdown due to not being able to tell me what she wants. While everyone else either thinks oh she will just talk when shes ready...or she's to smart...or even if you were a better mother and worked with her more(that one really stings)...Stick to your guns,though I know it's hard. I understand too with DH,mine though who is supportive is still somewhat in denial. Stick around here too! I have learned so much from all these wonderful people!!!

I finished my master's degree in counseling and worked with autistic children while finishing my internship and was MORTIFIED to tell anyone my son was autistic- I was afraid they would think I was overanalyzing him! I started seeing autistic traits at 13 months and didn't say anything to anyone until his 15 month check up. Then, when my pediatrician agreed, I finally told my hubby and my mom my concerns. Luckily I was supported and not criticized by them, but it was scary.

Now my MIL, friends, neighbors, etc., say things like "he is too sweet to be autistic, too cute, too social, just throws two year old fits, etc." or he will grow out of it- very frustrating. I am glad to have such a great support from my family (most of them anyway) and I just try to not take things personally from the MIL or others that just don't get it. I do and my DH does, and that is all that matters.